Becky's Diary. DON'T READ!!!!

It's still July Twelfth, Diary. Sorry, I should have just written one really long post, you know?
Well, when I woke--after I brushed my teeth--I bumped into Bido. He was acting more strange than normal. He was acting like I smelled really good, like I was Bella from "Twilight". My stomach fluttered with butterflies. So as we sat on the couch, my cousin Jonathan softly snoring, we talked.
It was the first time I really ever talked to him, he was always asleep or out and about. It was strange, him hitting on me, he was so smooth at it all. The things he said made him seem like he was from another time.
Then I really started to think he was a vampire, because it all sounded so much like 'Twilight'. The look in his eyes made him seem so hungry...thirsty, for my blood. Like there was some kind of monster beneath those big, magnificent eyes. Then I slipped up, diary.
"Are you a vampire?" I asked him. Then he chuckled and said yeah. I gasped, it was like every girl's fantasy had just come true, and I was Charlie--I just got the golden ticket, and now I was running home to show my bed ridden grandparents how awesome I was. Then I really slipped up.
"Do you sparkle in the sunlight?" I asked him. Then he rolled his eyes in disgust.
"Is that a no?" I asked him. Then he quickly changed the subject asking me about the very bright lights that were hovering beside our apartment a few hours before I woke up.
I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, but then I told him my dream.
"That explains the smell." He said, or something like that. He must have meant my missing tooth, I bet my mouth was bleeding and he wanted to drink my blood...how romantic!
"You can drink my blood, if you want." I said seductively. Then I licked my lips and pressed my boobs together and whispered. "I'm bleeding 'down there'." He looked disgusted again and then left before I could tell he was gone. What a strange man. I don't know why he freaked out, I mean it's not like drinking my period blood would hurt me. That was my only problem wit 'Twilight', why didn't Edward just drink her blood from there, it would just be like giving head, and it would kill Bella or turn her into a vampire, so she could still be friends with Jacob and all the other werewolves--and she wouldn't have to worry about losing her parents, and her and Edward could actually have a working sexual relationship.
I want to get eaten out by a hot vampire, damn my being so ugly. I really wish I wasn't fat, I hope somewhere someone will love me.
I'm sorry to get all emo on you right now, Diary, but that's just the way I feel. Don't think any less of me because I'm not always happy, I'll try to be happy again for you, I promise.
Well, I'm going to get some sleep, 'Night!
<3 Becky!

-Sir Jestro