Intercries

Look at you with your selfish eyes,
Standing on an altar.

Crucify the color red,
Just to say that it sold out.

I'll listen with my robot ears,
And I'll hear.

Everything.

-Sir Jestro

Suggestion Box

I've been getting some feedback on 'Nightmare Stare' if anyone reading this has not read it, please do and give me any sort of feedback. When no one writes back, I feel like I have no audience, which I probably don't, not yet anyway, but hopefully soon.
Suggestions or questions are greatly accepted, so don't feel shy. You shouldn't because I'm more than confident that I know everyone reading this by their first name.
Hahahaha!
I've been working a lot lately, so no time to write, but that's just the weekend, and I'm pretty sure I'll add another chapter before the night's through.
Be safe everyone, and now I think I'll post a poem.
-Sir Jestro

Nightmare Stare [Chapter: One]

I saw God the other day.


I was walking across this bridge, there was a faint mist all around, an overcast grey over the entire city, all the cars had their headlights on, and the soft walls of mist felt smooth. My hands were in the pockets of my jacket, my face dipped forward, my mouth buried beneath my scarf. The morning sun hadn't yet burned through the clouds and the mist, and that was when it happened.

That was when I saw him.


There was something inside me, some feeling, some kind of muscle reflex that made me turn and look towards the sky. It felt like when you're about to fall, or about to drop from the top of a rollercoaster, that feeling in your stomach right before the first drop. I looked up and the heavens opened.

They opened wide, like a snake's mouth as its about to eat an egg twice its size. At the center of the opening dropped down a hand, a hand that was bigger than anything I had ever seen before. It reached down through the hole, some ways away from me, although I could see it in its entirety. It reached down into the river I was crossing. It reached in and pulled something out. Then it took that thing and set it down on the bridge a few hundred feet ahead of me. I was stopped dead in my tracks as the whole thing happened, standing there not affected by any of the above mentioned elements that would have otherwise continued to annoy me. My jaw was on the floor and my arms limp, I only moved my eyes.


My eyes followed as the hand of God set something down on the very bridge I was standing on. Then, just as fast as it takes a bolt of lightning to retreat back to the clouds, the hand was gone and the sky was as it had been. It seemed as though the only things affected by this miracle were me and the something God had set down on the bridge.


I noticed then that I was no longer walking, so I start again. I walk to the something, still lying motionless on the sidewalk of this bridge. I get closer to the something and slowly start to make out its shape. I'm nearly at the something when I realize that its a girl. She's unconscious, no doubt, when I get to her. I'm standing in front of her, just looking down. She's beautiful. She must have been an angel that fell from heaven that God didn't want to send to hell, maybe God sent her here to be someone's guardian and she met a tragic end? Whoever or whatever she is, she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Her pale soft skin looks like it had been under water for far too long, her small ribs bloated from probably being under water. The lifeless look in her beautiful faded green eyes, a nightmare stare. They were probably so much more vibrant when there was life in them. Her wet and matted hair was probably once as soft as silk. As I looked at her wet clothes sticking to her skin I get a crazy idea.

I lift her up, I carry her home.

-Sir Jestro

Foreword

I'm going to try something I've only done once before.
Maybe this idea will get people to actually start leaving me comments on my blogs rather than just tell me or comment my myspace page, which is nice but that's like those people who have facebooks talking about their mspace's while on facebook.
I digress.
My plan is to write, chapter by chapter, a new story. The way I did with 'The Rabbit's Foot'. Hopefully, this will cure the minor writer's block that I've been having lately.
Oh, damn!!!!
I've been using Pandora.com a lot lately because I don't have an mp3 player and once you've gone 'library shuffle' as I like to call it, listening to cds straight through gets boring after the first twenty times. I've thus far made four channels in my account, all of which I love.
Autechre Channel, where I fell in love with Boxcutter.
The Blood Brother's Channel, where I fell in love with Five Minute Drive.
Daft Punk Channel, where I fell in love with The Egg.
And the Aphex Twin Channel [which i just created] went from '4' a song on the Richard D. James album to 'Take Me Into Your Skin' by Trentemoller, off of the album The Last Resort. By the way, I own both of those cds and love them greatly. Then it goes to Boards of Canada, a phenomenal band, just so you know. And then to Squarepusher!!!!
I digress, yet again.
The story shall currently be called 'Nightmare Stare'. I'm usually pretty bad with coming up with titles, and didn't want another untitled heading for it. So I asked a few people, but since its so late no one answered, and the few that did didn't have ideas. All except one, The Funkmaster Jared. I asked and after a little trial and error, he came up with the title. So this is my shout out to The Funkmaster, thank you for giving me a great title to work with.
So stay tuned for each chapter of 'Nightmare Stare'.
-Sir Jestro

Toaster Strudels and Jaguar Love

So I just finished eating a Toaster Strudel and am currently listening to Jaguar Love.
I was thinking of getting rid of all my old, faded, and worn out clothes, and just keeping my NIN shirts. I only have three, so I'll have to start buying Crystal City Clothing shirts. There's nothing bad about that at all.
I got paid yesterday but still need my mom's help, I still feel like a kid sometimes, but my mom loves helping me out. I'll never understand parents.
UPDATES!!!
TSTES played a damn good show on Sunday the 21st, TDL is still set to go recording soon, I may get fired from CVS due to conflicts of scheduling, TSTES is planing on making a 'Winter EP' to be released by x-mas [the possibilities are still unsure but hopefully we'll go through with it], Music Mikes now officially pays my bills, I'm slowly getting back into the groove of school [Which may already be too late, I might be failing some classes, hahaha, its really not funny but sometimes you just gotta laugh], and Ocasio Productions is planing on starting our short film project no later than December...date still undecided.
I'm still waiting for Carrios to give us all of 'Clique Wars' but this swine won't for reasons unknown, probably even to himself.
Not gonna lie, sometimes I could be making blog entries but I know no one really wants to read everything I write, so I don't write as much as I could, and then there are other times when I could but am just too damn lazy to.
So Carrios, if you're reading this, give me more rant blogs and stories, Like the day I met God, bitch.
-Sir Jestro
The Fall

Porcelain Doll

Your face is the fall and covered in blood,
Your pale face looks like a doll,
Broken china skattered across the ocean,
I try to put the pieces together,
But the glue won't hold,
And you cry and say goodbye.

I hold your hand, I can still feel you,
You're becoming colder, and more like clay,
I'll form you into what you were,
The perfect one for the imperfect me,
I'll strike a match and give you a burning heart,
And you'll find the perfect one for the perfect you.

A music box for your voice,
That plays the saddest song,
I'll play it over and over,
And it will turn my grey heart to a blood blood red,
Empty out your eyes so I can see into,
Your heart burning for me.

The autumn winds blow through your hair,
Like thousands of my fingers combing you to sleep,
Your eyes blinking like butterflies,
And your broken face smiles at me,
I cry my black tears onto your face,
And everything bleeds black.

-Sir Jestro

A long day, indeed.

Oh, boy.
Today was a long day.
I woke up at an increadibly early time, 6:45 am. and thus began my day. First I went out to Corona to my CVS orientation, then I went home at around noonish, where I applied to get a job at the USPS and got yelled at by both my mother and my sister, Brittney about spending money. Then at two I went to Music Mikes and worked until 7:15pm. Then Garcia dropped me off and I fell asleep and slept until 10pm and now I'm writing this blog listening to Aphex Twin, because last I checked, This was America and a man could listen to what he wanted when he wanted to!
The Patriot Act!!! [Its gonna be big]
I am, indeed, a working man now.
For those of you that don't already read at-midnight-pro.blogspot.com, please do. Carrios is posting 'Clique Wars' an epic tale of honor.
Peace and Love.
-Sir Jestro

10 ,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 Its bed time!

I'm exhausted.
I want to read, I'll read after I'm done here.
I'll write too.
But I never want to actually write, like there's nothing driving the urge, nothing making me want to touch pen to paper.
But when I do, its usually worth it. Like something inside me already knows when things will be good and when others won't be.
Blah!
I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, and I apologize to those of you thinking that you're wasting your time, you're not.
If any of you have any feedback, I'd be more than happy to hear it.
I'm working on something, a new set of stories.
When I write, I don't just write one story or idea, but several. Its a pain sometimes.
Oh, and I'm also going to be working on the third draft of 'The Rabbit's Foot' to smooth out the wrinkles and such.
Well, yal'll. Its business time!!
-Sir Jestro

Ink

I drip my blood in ink,
And write myself into the paper,
I become the words,
I am every letter.

Each letter as much a part of me,
As my own skin,
I bleed ink on the page,
And let you read it.

[God I suck at writing poetry]

-Sir Jestro

[Working Title] Dreams

Jeff Krolly gets out of bed, first his left leg-then his right. With enormous effort he lifts his body upright. It takes a few seconds for the room to stop spinning, he just closes his eyes- he can feel the sunlight on his face, and can see the orange and red of it through his eyelids. While his eyes are closed he rubs his palms against both eyes, this caused all the gunk to become dislodged somewhere on his bed. He opens his eyes and places both hands on the bed, palms down.

He leans his head this way and that, cracking the bones in his neck. He raises his arms and stretches, letting out a long grunt. Then he inhales deeply-gets up-and takes a shower.

Once out of the shower he gets dressed, the same black suit and red tie, everyday. His black leather shoes, white socks, white under shirt, everything the same-everyday-nothing changes. He looks at himself in the mirror, stiff as a board, his shoulders are right angles. He inhales and with his briefcase in one hand, leaves his apartment.

One the roof of the thirty story apartment building, Jeff Krolly is looking over the edge of the balcony. He looks down at all the little people walking around, all with their destinations in mind. He stands at the edge of the balcony, inhales, and jumps. With his eyes fighting to stay open from the hard wind he's falling into, he watches as the ground rushes toward him. And he's about to hit-that split second before the impact-he blacks out. A blur of images, and harsh wind in his ears-silence.

All is black.

There's loud music blaring in his ears. It startles him, and he wakes up with a jump. The crowd of people around him, jump back. Not one asks him if he's okay or alright. Not one. No helping hand, helping him to his feet. No doctor in a white lab coat to tell him what's going on. No cliche goth party with 'undead' ghosts dancing to Goth Industrial music. Here, they like trance. With a push up, he gets up. On all fours, he gets on his knees. Then he leans upward. Finally, he gets to his feet and looks around. Everyone is dancing, like a really good music video, everyone is dancing. He walks around the club, like a snake through sand, sifting through the crowd. As he slides in between all the people there he notices he's bleeding. Jeff stops and touches the right side of his head; feels the huge gash in his head and begins to feel the room sway from left to right. The room gets blurry and Jeff loses his balance, he falls and hits the floor.

The floor feels like soft sheets.

Jeff Krolly gets out of bed, first his left leg-then his right. With enormous effort he lifts his body upright. It takes a few seconds for the room to stop spinning, he just closes his eyes- he can feel the sunlight on his face, and can see the orange and red of it through his eyelids. While his eyes are closed he rubs his palms against both eyes, this caused all the gunk to become dislodged somewhere on his bed. He opens his eyes and places both hands on the bed, palms down. He leans his head this way and that, cracking the bones in his neck.

He raises his arms and stretches, letting out a long grunt. Then he inhales deeply-gets up-and takes a shower.

Jeff thinks to himself, "Some kind of crazy vivid dream?" He's almost convinced it was all just a lucid dream, until he feels the scabs across the whole right side of his head and face. His soul shaken, he stumbles out of the still running shower. He swipes away the steam that clings to his mirror, like he's swatting flies. This way and that. Left and to the right. Back and forth his hands go, wiping the steam off his reflection.

He looks at what he's told himself since birth is himself. He touches his face, feels nothing but skin, and the reflection shows nothing but what he feels. Jeff lets out a sigh of relief, and looks at himself before getting into the shower again. The reflection winks at him and its skin begins to crack like china falling against a wall. And the blood begins to pour.

[Incomplete idea that never really evolved into anything.]

-Sir Jestro

I love Timbo!

So we played two shows this weekend, one at The Vibe and the other at The Vine.
I met Eyes Set To Kill!!!!!!!!!!1
I'm so happy, Anissa is so cool and nice. She's also a hot CHICK BASSIST!!!!!!! Who's a girl! And so was Brandon. In all honesty they were all really nice. And Alexia is making me go to their Chain Reaction show in Nov. Blah! Like I wasn't gonna go anyway!
Hahahaha!
I love the fact that I'm already forgotten to them, one day I'll be the big rockstar and people will write blogs about meeting me, like I'm a badass or something!
Planes Crash was also AMAZING!!! I love all of those guys, but most of all Andy, ever since we first met, he had my heart. He was the only person that commented on my Slusho! shirt the whole night, and that made me sad, but at the same time very happy.
He's the man.
Let's not forget about No Bragging Rights, and what a bunch of badasses are they!!! Great show.
But the biggest man of the night, was Timbo. I fucking love that guy!!!!!
Watch the dookie quest video on youtube.
Now I have to go to class. Laters!
-Sir Jestro

Still is the Night

Still is the night,
This pain is quite alright,
Grave screams inaudible screams,
Distorted in this dream.

Grey roses are in bloom,
They fit perfectly in this gloom,
In this yard of graves,
Singing with the pain.

Everything is changing now,
The winds pick up I hear them growl,
Ashes are just dust in the wind,
Tearing apart the phoenix within.

My first attempt at graveyard poetry.
-Sir Jestro

My butt hurts

Its quite hot in the kitchen, I'm sweating a little bit.
So I'm here with a TDL update! [Hurray!] We're starting a new album, I know some of you laugh at that, because we're not signed, nor do we have a singer. But hey, its still a hobby, and we love it, so who's to say we can't, right?
So if you're not our friend on myspace, add us. And if you are our friend, and haven't sent us a comment in a while, listen to some of our new songs and tell us what you think.
-Sir Jestro

[Gasp!]

I just got back from work, at Music Mikes. It was nice.
I just found out, non-dairy creamer is highly flammable.
I'm comfortable with that.
Thank you, Myth Busters!
-Sir jestro

A Vast Black Sky

The incandescence of a shattered dream,
Ruptures like a dying star,
A million miles away.

These sterile clocks holding onto memories,
From forty years ago,
A rerun on repeat.

Life in not a tv show,
No happy ending guaranty,
So change the channel and forget,

The next one could be me.


Eh, I don't really like this one.
-Sir Jestro

I'm a Workin' Man?

I have to get ready, for 'work' or 'training' if you will, at Music Mikes.
Yeah, they're thinking about hiring me too. Which I hope they do, because CVS told me they would probably only be able to give me 16hrs a week. Which is better than none, but still not ideal. So if I can juggle two jobs I think I can finally get back on my feet.
A TSTES update! We're playing two shows this weekend September 12th and 13th. Friday is at The Vibe, then saturday is at The Vine. Funny, isn't it? Saturday we're playing with NBR [whom I've never seen], Planes Crash, and Eyes Set To Kill, to name a few.
D_double_W and TCP are coming up for that show, not to see TSTES but to see Eyes Set To Kill, and I don't blame them, they're a darn good band.
So I have to get ready, take a shower, brush my teeth, change, clean up the living room, wash the dishes and clean up my 'room'. Then let's all hope that Old Blue can make it to Music Mikes and back.
Note to self: Ask Pop for some money to buy coolant.
All comments are welcome and appreciated.
-Sir Jestro

Symphonic Waves

Hold your breath,

this won't be quick,

bite your lip,

I make you sick.

You've been doing this too long,

now its time to pay for what you've done.

Try to control us like sheep,

but we control you,

try to control us like sheep,

but we control you.

As the bullethole sky falls down the waves crash,

And I remember.

As the bullethole sky falls down the waves crash,

And I remember.

Break the noose around your throat,

save yourself but I know you won't,

We are the dying trees,

And we know you want to believe,

Try to control us like sheep,

but we control you,

try to control us like sheep,

but we control you.

As the bullethole sky falls down the waves crash,

And I remember.

As the bullethole sky falls down the waves crash,

And I remember.

-Sir Jestro

Damn...

So today was a great day, school, friends, TDL, more school, the TSTES family, a little bit of D&D, Old Blue working, A Kiss Could Be Deadly. All these great things, I was starting to think I had finally gotten out of the depression.
But it seems that exes always have a way to remind you just how much of a bad person you are. And its not the ex most of you are thinking, its the most recent. Two sentences ruined my whole day.
Damn...
Sometimes I wish I wasn't human, sometimes I wish I was more logical, sometimes I wish I wasn't so emo, sometimes I wish I was as happy as I used to be.
I'll get there soon.
A little BT might help, I mean I had to use some NIN to bring me back to the world, but its always nice to be happy.
I love you, Megan.
-Sir Jestro

Buy Yourself a New Face

Before time began
Questions of reality plagued my mind,
In youth I was naive,
But you see, I had always thought

That out somewhere beyond the stars,
Where univeres end,
People read and write as we do,
Like the stars, shining light

Out of every other star to feel
Selfless, I loved everything,
I radiate life like a star,
I radiate for all to see,

But in the vast nothingness of space,
Where darkness envelopes the light,
Where hope seems wasted and there is,
Nothing to see but faulty dreams,

I indulge in the insanities of exitense,
Then my confusion becomes clear and I understand,
Life is a hollow existence.

Zero

They flock like sheep,
To the big bright lights,
And once they're there,
They throw away their lives,
Trapped like butterflies,
Pinned up on display,
They flap, try to flutter,
But all is in vain.
-Sir Jestro

The Jizzenator: Chapter 4

Burn
" This world rejects me," The Fuzz said while getting a yoo-hoo out of the fridge. " What?" Right-Hand Boy asked The Fuzz while watching a ballpark frank spin around as it cooked.
" Oh! Nothing! I was just taking to myself." The Fuzz said with his yoo-hoo floating in the air above him. " So are you gonna get that hot dog?"
" Hell no! I'm no fucking fag, I'm a burrito guy," Right-Hand Boy screamed. " But look, doesn't this hot dog look kinda like something that'd kill you if you ate it?"
" Not really, why?" The Fuzz asked.
" I dunno, I just have never liked those liquor store hot dogs, never trusted 'em." Right-Hand Boy said.
" Okay?" The Fuzz said.
" Let's go to the counter and ring this stuff up." Said Right-Hand Boy. On the way to the counter they saw a young man walk out of his black Toyota pick-up and walk into the store. The young man walked over to the magazine stand and bought all the men's muscle magazines. On his t-shirt he had a Target name tag that had the name, Sean, and he wreaked of pubes.
In the line he stood behind a 7 foot tall man in a teal colored suit of armor. In his hands were various adult magazines, a bottle of Johnsons lotion, tissue paper, and sweet pickles.
Then a short woman with braces on her wrists came out of Sean's pick-up.
" God dammit! Mom stay in the damn car!" Sean screamed.
" Just shut the hell up!" She replied.
" Fuck, you stupid ass bitch, get in the god damn car!" He screamed again.
" Don't do this to me Sean, don't do this to me!" She screamed.
" Shut the hell up mom!" Then he noticed that their dogs had gotten out of his small pick-up. " You fuckin' dumb ass bitches." He put down his magazines and ran outside, as he ran past her he bumbed into her sending her to the ground.
" Oh my god!!!!!" She screamed. " Help me! Help me Sean! I'm too fat I can't get up!"
Right-Hand Boy and The Fuzz walked in line just behind the teal suited man.
" Well, all I was saying Cortana, was that sometimes it might be better if we just separated for a while." The Man said. " No, I wasn't saying that! I- I was-... Would You Please Let Me Speak!" The Fuzz and Right-Hand Boy jumped back as with everyone else in the store.
" I wasn't saying I don't want you around it's just that when I think about having sweating hot sex with Captain Keyes' Daughter you always get offended!" The Man was clearly Master Chief.
" Oh, you always have to throw that one at me huh? Well I never chose to be this way! I would have preferred not to be super-human, if I knew it'd make my Fucking Dick Shrink!" The Fuzz began to laugh.
" Yeah, just because I'm a fuckin' one man army doesn't mean I don't need a little bit pussy now and again!" There was a pause and everyone in the store was watching Master Chief.
" Oh, good one like I hadn't thought of that before, do you know how long it takes to take off this god damn suit! Forty-Nine and a half minutes! Yes, I counted! Like you said Cortana 'I should just fucking flogg my chicken!' Fuckin' bitch!" Master Chief looked around. " Shit." Then he put his stuff on the ground and walked out pulling a chip out of his helmet and smashing into pieces with his foot." Fuckin' cunt. I need to kill me a Grunt."
Then Right-Hand Boy and The Fuzz walked up to the counter to pay for their Yoo-hoos and burritos.
" Would that be all?" The Clerk asked not looking at the two. Then The Fuzz put a packet of Trojans, MAGNUM! Magnum! Magnum on the counter. Then the Clerk looked at them.
" Holy shit! It's you! That kid who was with the prevert!" It was Mr. Arab Piece Of Crap.
" Yeah, hey how are you?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" HEY! Hey you!" Mr. Arab Piece Of Crap screamed at a shoplifter. " Put that shit down mother fucker!" The Shoplifter was a man with a neon green ski mask on, a black jumpsuit on and perfectly manicured fingernails.
" You'll never take me alive! For I am the Famous Shoplifter Of New Scank City! Known as Sneaky Weasil, no relation to the guy from TTP, they rock my cock off."
" You'd better put that shit back Mother Fucker! Because in my country shoplifters are Flated until they die." Mr. Arab Piece Of Crap said.
" What does 'Flated' mean?" Right-Hand Boy asked The Fuzz.
" I think he means Oral Sex." The Fuzz replied.
" You, know I wouldn't mind dying that way, if the chick was hot I mean." Right-Hand Boy said.
" Yeah, I got you." The Fuzz said.
" And! If she didn't have any S.T.D.s or anything. Because you can never be too careful nowadays." Right-Hand Boy said.
" But, you'd be dead after that why do you care?" The Fuzz asked.
" Yeah, but I want to look good when I'm dead, I never want to look like The Jizzenator." He said.
" Good point, he's one ugly motha'... ew." The Fuzz said.
" I said, 'Put the shit down!'" Mr. Arab Piece Of Crap yelled yet again.
" FUCK!" The Fuzz screamed. Everyone looked at him. " Nothing's going to get done by just standing here dickin' around! You!" He looked at Sneaky Weasil. " Wall!" Then Sneaky Weasil was sent flying into a wall.
" God Fucking Damit!" Mr. Arab Piece Crap screamed. " I just got that wall fixed!"
" Shut the fuck up!" The Fuzz yelled and walked out with his items floating beside him.
" Wait! You have to p-"
" I already paid for them you piece of shit!" The Fuzz said as he created a ten dollar bill on the counter. They left.
" Hey, Fuzz! What was that all about?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" I didn't want to miss her." The Fuzz said.
" What? Who?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" Oh, Hi,there Sweetie. How are you?" Elizabeth asked as she walked by.
" Um, I'm okay." Right-Hand Boy said. " So how have you b-"
" Sorry, Honey but I have to get to work before my boss pulls out, I have something to show him. Well, I'll see you 'round mmkay? Bye!" Then she was gone. " Let's go."
" Where are we going?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" To fifth and wallnut." The Fuzz said. Right-Hand Boy laughed. " To stop The Incredible Flamming Man!"
" Who?"
" Let's just go."
" Wait, how do you? Oh, damn you and your knowingness of everything." Right-Hand Boy said as they walked to Fifth and Wallnut (giggle giggle).
As the duo turned the corner onto Fifth and Wallnut they saw that a huge building was aflame! And a man was prancing around like a queer.
" I'm the INCREDIBLE FLAMMING MAN (Insert Crappy European Techno Music)." " Hey isn't that the prodigy song you know from the guys who wrote that song, 'My Bitch Woke Up And I Smacked Her'?
" No I believe that the song is called 'Smack My Bitch Up'." Said The Fuzz who was busy destroying nearby camera phones.
" What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more." The Incredible Flamming Man sang with the music.
" Hey, doesn't Shaggy sing that song." Asked Right-Hand Boy.
" No you stupid heterosexual it's by...Wait hold on a sec." Said The Incredible Flaming Man. The Incredible Flaming Man then pulled a Boost Mobile cellphone.
" Where you at?...You're at the mall with Lance...You bitch! I'm so jealous...Uh Huh...Oh my god, shut up!...Shut the hell up!... when I heard that i was like 'what?' phst...Anyways, you're at the mall with Lance, I can't believe it you stupid ass bitch (Insert gay/British laughter). Said The Incredible Flaming Man.
Across the street looking up was The Fuzz with his eye twitching because of the incredible gayness of the Incredible Flaming Man.
" Gay mallrat...talking...gay on cellphone...must ( Camera zooms to an extreme close up of The Fuzzs' mouth) Eliminate." Said The Fuzz.
" Go get em'." Said Right-Hand Boy. Now we've all watched Dragonball Z and I know at one time we were all fans, but Dragonball Z sucks seven huge Dragonballz, but that's besides the point. See when they charge up you know the ground shakes around them and a crater appears like a bomb exploding in slow motion. Now The Fuzz does this but instead of screaming like a little bitch and powering up for a whole episode,he screams out "I'm gonna burn this whole world down!" The part of the Nine Inch Nails song ' Burn' where Trent Reznor hits that high note and everyone who hears that says, "Whoa...that was bad ass." You know what part I'm talking about.
So The Fuzz flies through the air right up near The Incredible Flamming Man.
" Hey, Queermo!" The Incredible Flamming Man turned around with his jaw hanging low, like Bryan's brother Jason's gym shorts. " Yeah, I'm talkin' to you!"
" Hang On Sergio. Some little fuzz ball is talking to me." He put his hand over the mouth piece. " Yes, May I help you?"
" Put the phone down and walk away and no one gets hurt."
" What? Did you just say you want me to get off my phone?" He removed his hand from the mouth piece. " Oh my god, Sergio that little fuzz ball totally just asked me to get off of my phone.....I know I was like " What? Did you just ask me to get of my phone?" I know...Oh, my god yeah.... He looks like a total ball of pubic hair, Gross!... Yeah, it's like 'Calling All Razors!' But can you believe that?"
The Fuzz had had enough. Because the one thing he hated more than cell phones was Courtney Love, but as of right now all he wanted to do was destroy that phone. " Hey, Queermo!" He yelled out.
" Oh, my god. Sergio let me call you back." He put his phone in his pocket. " What do you want? And my name's not Queermo it's Chad."
" Well, whatever your name is, Mr. Incredible Flamming Man, you'd better get rid of that phone or I'm gonna kick the shit out of you!"
" Oh, my god. I'm sooo scared! Bitch, you don't even know what kind of power I posses."
" Yeah, I do." The Fuzz said.
" Oh, really?" He replied.
" Yeah, you're so gay that matter itself burns down around you. You are the lord of the flammers." The Fuzz said. " Well, no one ever put it that way, but yes! Yes I am! I am the lord of the flammers!" He raised his hand in the air, with the broken wrist and all, then let it drop. " But every time I touch a man, I don't know they just get hurt."
" Wow, that tears at my heart." The Fuzz said sarcastically. " But that still doesn't excuse you from using a cell phone."
" Oh, my god! Do you want to pit your money where your mouth is?" The Incredible Flamming Man asked moving his arms like he was a ghetto black girl, oh! I'm sorry, a discontent minority of African heritage who comes from a lower end of society's food chain. Meaning The Man hates them and looks down upon them with a angry eye.
" Hold on The Fuzz! The Jizzenator is here!" The Jizzenator screamed as he leaped onto the roof of the building where The Fuzz and The Incredible Flamming Man were.
" What? Who are you?" The Incredible Flamming Man asked.
" Jizzenator!" Right-Hand Boy screamed as he ran out of the roof staircase entrance thing. " What the hell? You made me walk up twenty fucking stories when we both knew you can jump to the top!" " Well, I didn't see you anywhere Right-hand Boy!" The Jizzenator said.
" Fuck you, okay! There's a god damn building on fire with a super villain onto of it and you don't bother to think that we're there?" Right-Hand Boy was abnormally angry towards The Jizzenator.
" Alright, Right-Hand Boy I'm sorry, but you must have been climbing those stairs much sooner than I had arrived." The Jizzenator brought up a valid point.
" Come on guys! We have bigger fish to fry!" The Fuzz said.
" Yeah, your right, The Fuzz." The Jizzenator said.
They all three looked at The Incredible Flamming Man.
" What the hell is this? A gang-bang? If so, 'Come On Baby Light My Fire!" Then he shot a fire ball of pure flamming gayness at the trio.
" Shit!" Right-Hand Boy screamed as he kicked the crank to The Concealer Of Justice. The Jizz Cannon then flew out and Right-Hand Boy cranked The Jizzenator off with ear shattering speed.
The Flamming Ball of Pure Gayness and The Jizz Wad collided, but the flame was no match for the Jizz Wad. The Jizz Wad went straight through the flamming ball and extinguished it instantly.
" What? My Flamming Ball Of Pure Gayness is useless against this man's cum. What am I to do?" The Incredible Flamming Man contemplated this thought. " I'll have to attack them with my dance skills, Lord of the Flame!" He began to river dance and prance around like a complete moron on ecstasy. The flames began to grow and swallow the building up.
" How the hell are we going to get out of here with out looking like burnt wieners, Right-Hand Boy?" The Jizzenator asked. Then Right-Hand Boy thought to himself.
" Use The Jizzooka Right-Hand Boy." The Fuzz called out.
" That's a good idea! I'd forgotten about that." Then Right-Hand Boy ran next to the Jizz Cannon and knelt down. He then held the Jizz Cannon over his left shoulder like a bazooka, then he took the handle of the Jizz Cannon and spun it down like a gaint trigger to a bazooka. He fired. SPLAT!!
" Yes!" The Jizzenator screamed. " You're putting out the fire Right-Hand Boy, but it wasn't enough with just that one shot. Fire again and again or until the fire is completely out."
" Alright, here we go." Right-Hand Boy said as he took his second shot, then his third, and so on, up until he had fired seven shots. The Jzzenator could barely contain himself, he was screaming and moaning uncontrollably, he was losing balance as well.
" Just a little bit more." Right-Hand Boy said as he continued to fire.
" Oh, my god!" Someone down below watching screamed. " The Jizz is putting out the fire!"
" Yeah, thanks for pointing out the obvious lady." Fan Boy said as he stood next to her. " I'm going up to help them now." Just then The Incredible Flamming Man realized that he could melt the Jizzenator's ammo and continue his flamming reign of fire.
" Dammit!" Right-Hand Boy yelled as he saw The Incredible Flamming Man start to melt The Jizzenator's ammo. " The Fuzz what the hell do we do?"
" We have to use Fan Boy." He said.
" No! I fuckin' hate that little bitch." Right-Hand Boy said still holding The Jizzooka.
" There's no other way Right-Hand Boy!" The Fuzz said.
" Dammit!" Right-Hand Boy screamed. " Fine! get him up here!" And just like that The Fuzz brought Fan Boy on top of the burning building.
" Hey, guys!" He said. Right-Hand Boy walked straight up to him.
" Okay, Fan Boy I'm going to be straight forward with you. I hate you, you're fucking annoying as hell and you have the stupidist power in the world, but right now you're the only one who can stop The Incredible Flamming Man. So get your ass over there and take that flamming piece of shit out." Right-Hand Boy said to Fan Boy.
" Um, okay?" Fan Boy said. Then he took his GE fan and placed it on the ground pointing at The Incredible Flamming Man.
" Who are you? And what the hell's up with that fan?" The Incredible Flamming Man asked.
Fan Boy thought to himself. " I don't want to be hated, I joined The League of Extrodinary Genitals to get people to like me, but if the League itself hates me how can anyone else like me? I need to defeat this guy and maybe Right-Hand Boy wont hate me anymore." He then put his hand down like he was getting ready for an old western draw.
" I'm Fan Boy." He said.
" Mmmkay?" The Incredible Flamming Man asked meaning ' Yeah, and?' oh, and he stopped dancing by the way.
Fan Boy threw his hand into the air, outstretched, and screamed. " FAN ON!" Thunder and lightning roared and shook the skies above. The earth below them began to rumble. Fear flew into The Incredible Flamming Man's head. Then all at once the thunder and lightning stopped and the earth stopped rumbling, and the the fan in pointing straight at The Incredible Flamming Man hummed to life. It was on a 'one' setting.
"Ahhhh!" The Incredible Flamming Man sceamed. The fan was putting out his flame!
" Look! The fan's putting out that flamming guy's fire!" Shouted the woman who was in the crowd.
The Incredible Flamming Man was screaming in agony not because he couldn't live without being aflame, but because heterosexual thoughts seeped into his cranium.
"No! No!" Thoughts of naked lesbians having sexual intercourse weaved their way into his thoughts. " I've got to fight this! I have to keep the flame alive! Football players, tight Hollister pants on a tall Asian!" Try as he may he could not get his flames to regenerate, because you see the fan put the flames out. They did not however take the gayness from The Incredible Flamming Man, that was just the side-effect of not being aflame. With another agonizing scream he rolled to his right, and out of the fan's range. " Yes! Ball Park Franks!" The flames started to slowly regenerate around The Incredible Flamming Man.
" Turn the fan to the left Fan Boy!" The Jizzenator screamed, he was into this battle.
" Yeah, turn it to the left! Turn it to the left!" Right-Hand Boy yelled. Fan Boy then put his hand in front of his face, and with only his index and middle fingers extended, screamed. The scream was equal to a boy screaming as he is going through puberty. With that scream the fan turned, but it turned to the right.
" No! Turn it to the left you stupid bitch!" Right-Hand Boy yelled.
" It has to finish its cycle before it can change directions!" Fan Boy screamed. Then the fan began to click, click, click, click.
" Look! The fan's stuck!" Shouted that same woman from the crowd.
" Oh, no! Fan Boy you have to fix this problem before it's too late!" The Jizzenator shouted.
" Hit the button on the back!" Right-Hand Boy shouted. " No, kick it Fan Boy!" The Fuzz yelled.
The Incredible Flamming Man was regaining his strength. At the same time Fan Boy ran up to the fan and kicked it like Edward Norton kicked that black guy's head on 'American History X'. You know the 'Bite the curb!' scene, yeah it was bad. Anyway, with that kick the fan spang into action turning to the left.
" Ahhhh!" The Incredible Flamming Man screamed again.
" Now to finish the job!" Fan Boy yelled. Then he threw his hand in the air straight above him. The arrangement of his fingers was the " Shocker" or " Double Penetration" or " Two for the pink and one to stink" arrangement. (For those of you who don't know any of these it is when a person pleasures a female by putting two fingers into her vagina and one into her rectum, yeah pretty gross.) " Super Awesome Omega Level...2!" He screamed as he threw his hand in the air.
The fan hummed to a 'two' setting like so, " mmmmmm...MMMMMM!"
" Ahhhh!" The Incredible Flamming Man screamed.
" Freeze!" Ms. Cummings yelled as she and her team ran onto the roof from the stairs, just as Right-Hand Boy did. " Cuff him boys!" Right-Hand Boy and The Fuzz looked at her longingly.
" Oh, Hi Sweetie!" She said to Right-Hand Boy after they had taken The Incredible Flamming Man into custody.
" Hi, Elizabeth!" He replied.
" Well, I just want to thank you all for helping us nab this pyro." And with that she was gone again.
" Come Right-Hand Boy." The Jizzenator said as he walked down the stairs.
" I already did." He replied.
*NOTE: Bryan and Ryan do not hate gay people. In fact Ryan gets much of the same verbal abuse as they do. Think not that they are being offensive toward gay people, but to the 'Valley Girl' type and to people who can't be seperated from their cell phones. Because there is a difference, not a very big one, but it's still there.
-Bryan and Ryan

Under Pressure

Nothing really new, no hidden meaning with the title, just listening to The Blood Brothers' cover of 'Under Pressure'. Its damn good. I prefer it to the MCR version, strictly because I prefer covers that DON'T sound too similar to the originals. But that's just me.
Now I'm listening to 'Counting Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drums' That is a damn good song. Enough said.
So today was indeed a very unusual day. I slept, a lot. Didn't care too much for that part, although it was refreshing. Then I shaved the beard I was trying to grow out, and went to CVS. Talked to the manager and all that wakudo. Then I sat around the house with my aunt and cousin for a little bit, then Anyssa and I went to Britt's. [Anyssa's my cousin, and Britt is my sister] Then we went to the bank, B of A. There I found out, I'm 280 odd dollars overdrawn. What the fuck!?
I know right?
Then Old Blue started acting up, and I still had to pick up Jose for our Screenwriting class, which by the way, is a three and a half hour class, sound its safe to say; pretty boring. Anything gets boring after three hours. I'll say it. The Dark Knight would have been shit if it were three hours, anyone who has an objection can talk to me about it.
Then on my way dropping jose off, Old Blue keeps dying, keeps dying. I'm screaming, mostly for effect; the Cori Barber way, but jose [this Puerto Rican bastard] keeps laughing non-stop! Finally, I get home and almost die. I let Old Blue sit, to cool down, you know? I must not have let it sit long enough because when I went to fill her back up with water, she practically exploded.
And now its hot, I'm wearing my crown. The one I got for being crowned Prom King of RHS '07, and the one that Antonary wore in 'Red Asphalt 5: Revenge of the Sidewalk'.
I've been reading 'Love and Sex With Robots' By: David Levy. Its damn good, the perfect thing for me. Thanks Anne!!!
Anyone wanna talk about human-robot relationships, I'm always ready for that debate.
"Don't fret precious,
I'm here.
Step away from the window [step away from the window]
And go back to sleep"
-APC
Well, nothing more is coming to mind, other than Carrios needs to stop hacking my blog, so go read his; at-midnight-pro.blogspot.com. I love you, Carrios, my spartan brother.
-Sir jestro

My Cousin Smells

That's right, Anyssa smells, like a foot.
-Sir Jestro

CVS

So in a few hours I go to CVS, to talk to the manager about my schedule. So I think its safe to assume I got the job. I got a job, purely by chance! My grandpa, my aunt, and I walked in there, for reasons forgotten by all of us. I think it was to get ice, but if it was that, why didn't we just go to staters? Oh, well. While we were there I filled out the app. and a few weeks later they called me, then it was a four to five week waiting game, during which, I lost all hope in them employing me, but yesterday, to my suprise, the manager called me. I was helping out at Music Mikes with Dan, lead guitarist of TSTES.
So I'm doing that today, I also need to get some money from my dad. That way I can buy my music fundementals book. I really need it by tomorrow, which most likely won't happen, because I have class at six and that's when my grandpa gets off, and he's giving me half the money to buy my book.
If you like rant blogs, you should read at-midnight-pro. Its my spartan brother, Carrios' blog, he does mostly rant stuff, which is good, I just think he should put his stories up, they're all really good. Check out his stuff.
-Sir Jestro

Prepare to board!!

This isn't Sir_Jestro, this is Carrios. I hacked his blog, not really, to advertise for my own, as if I don't do that enough already. The address is at-midnight-pro.blogspot.com
Check it out all you people in Wonderland and beyond!

The Vines

I am a shapeless mound of flesh,
That forgot how to be perfect,
I forgot how to be human,
How all the nerves fit.

Forgot how to pick myself up,
Forgot how to feel,
Forgotten what's a dream,
And what, in fact, is real.

I dreamnt last night,
At least I think I was asleep,
There was something at the foot of my bed,
Something going into my feet.

They felt like vines,
Moving their way through me,
They made it to my heart,
Where they fit perfectly.

They picked me up,
Brought me to my feet,
Told me it would be fine,
Told me not to retreat.

And then I felt warm,
And completely at peace,
It felt something like love,
And I was happy, at least.

-Sir Jestro

The Amazing Adventures of The Jizzenator, Chapter: 3

The Collector
Two weeks after that wild adventure with The Pantyhose wearing burglars and The Ice Cream Man, Right-Hand Boy and The Jizzenator decided that they should start a league of heroes just like themselves to return New Skank City to its former state. The Jizzenator and Right-Hand Boy lived in a two roomed apartment which was inside of a gated community. The try-outs for their league would take place in the Club House which was where all the residents had parties or meetings or whatever else you kids do in your free time. Right-Hand Boy and The Jizzenator put fliers all over New Skank City in hopes to get members.
A young man walked into the Club House where Right-Hand Boy was. He was small and skinny, also he was white. He, Right-Hand Boy, was sitting at a long table, much like a judge's table on reality shows. The young man had with him a small plug-in fan.
" Yo, wazzup my nigga'?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" Um?" The young man looked around. " Is this the try-outs for The League of Extraordinary Genitals?"
" It sure is Mr. Fancy Pants!" The Jizzenator said as he came out of the bathroom, he wreaked of pubes.
" No actually my name is Fan Boy." He said looking at his pants which were just ordinary blue jeans.
" Well, then Mr. Fan Boy. Show us your powers." The Jizzenator said sitting down next to Right-Hand Boy.
"Ok," He set the fan at the bottom of his feet. Then all of a sudden Fan Boy jumped and did a backflip. A series of anime backgrounds flew behind him, then he threw his right arm in the air like Roger Smith from Big O. Then he screamed. " FAN ON!" The whole Club House began to shake as if an earth quake was centered just beneath it. The lights began flickering on and off, and the windows began to break. Instantly everything stopped, and the small fan next to Fan Boy turned on. It hummed slightly.
" Well, what do you think?" Fan Boy asked.
" Well, first off your pants are to loose. You've got a nice ass under those pants just waiting to show itself." The Jizzenator said.
" He meant his power!" Right-Hand Boy shouted. " Fag."
" Cigarettes where?" The Jizzenator asked searching himself to find the cigarettes. " I knew we weren't in England!" He said after not finding anything.
" So?" Fan Boy asked.
" I thought it was okay. But we'll call you. Mmmkay?" Right-Hand Boy said. Then Fan Boy picked up his fan and walked out. As he walked out another man walked in. He was carrying two VCR tapes with him. He was a tall, skinny,Asian, and wore Harry Potter glasses.
" Who are you?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" I'm VCR Rewinder Guy." The Man said.
" Show us your stuff." The Jizzenator said.
" Okay," VCR Rewinder Guy set his tapes on the table. " Look how much tape is left on it." Right-Hand Boy saw the tapes were both half-way to their ends.
" Kay so?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" Watch this." VCR Rewinder Guy put his left hand over the tapes. The tapes vibrated and moved around like a vibrating cell phones. Then he pulled his hand back.
" Kay so?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" What?!" VCR Rewinder Guy screamed. " Look at the tapes!" Right-Hand Boy did. The tapes were now at their beginnings.
" Kay so?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" You don't think that's awesome?!" VCR Rewinder Guy asked.
" Not really." Right-Hand Boy asked.
" What?!" VCR Rewinder Guy asked.
" So?" The Jizzenator asked. " Show us your stuff."
" I already did." VCR Rewinder Guy said.
" No, I mean your stuff." The Jizzenator said raising his eye brows.
" Dude!" Right-Hand Boy shouted. " Stop fucking flirting with every guy who comes in here!"
" Right-Hand Boy I'm the only man who's cum here." The Jizzenator said.
" Fuck, dude." Right-Hand Boy said. " I didn't wanna know that!"
" So, um did I make it?" VCR Rewinder Guy asked.
" Oh, sorry." Right-Hand Boy said. " Yeah, um, we'll call you later. You left your info. at the front like it says in the flyer right?"
" Yeah." VCR Rewinder Guy said, then he picked up his tapes and walked out.
Another man walked in, he was tall and fat, but skinny. He had a beer belly, but his legs were as skinny as a chicken's. He had a key chain wrapped around his wrist. He was bald and had a hairy chest, as well as saggy man boobies.
" Fuck dude! Put a fucking shirt on!" Right-Hand Boy screamed as he held his eyes closed.
" Oh, yeah what are these man boobs turning you guys on?" The man asked.
" Fuck no!"
" A little." The Jizzenator said.
" Okay, who the hell are you?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" I'm Mr. Self-Destruct." He replied. " And what's your power?" The Jizzenator asked.
" Well, it's kinda self-explanatory." Mr. Self-Destruct said.
" You're gonna have to show us sir." The Jizzenator said.
" Okay." Mr. Self-Destruct said. Then he looked at them with an emotionless face. BOOM! He exploded into a million pieces all over the Club House.
" Whoa." Right-Hand Boy said. Then a small ball of fuzz with two antenna and two small feet walked up to the crime fighting duo. The antenna had balls of fuzz on the ends, but one of the antenna was bent downward, like a crappy TV antenna.
" Who are you?" The Jizzenator asked.
" I'm The Fuzz." He said.
" Kay, and your power is?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" Yeah, I heard there would be Mr. Green here. I haven't had some in like five years." The Fuzz said.
" Are you going to show us your power?" The Jizzenator asked.
Well, what do you want me to do?" The Fuzz asked.
" Turn my pants into a hot black man!" The Jizzenator said.
" Fuck dude!" Right-Hand Boy shouted.
" Okay." The Fuzz said and transformed The Jizzenators pants into a black man.
" Oh my god! He's beautiful!" The Jizzenator screamed.
" I shall call you Edwardo...Family Guy." Said The Jizzenator.
" What else can you do Fuzz." Asked Right-Hand Boy.
" No it's The Fuzz, and I think a better question would be what can't I do." Said The Fuzz.
" So what can't you do." Said Right-Hand Boy. " Nothing." Said The Fuzz.
" What like there's nothing else you can do." Said Right-Hand Boy.
" No,as in there's nothing I can't do." Said The Fuzz.
"Okay." Said Right-Hand Boy.
" So you know there's no Mr.Green here right." Said The Fuzz.
" Of course but I came here to get some pussay." Said The Fuzz.
" I don't see how that's possible seeing as how all of us are guys."Said Right-Hand Boy.
" What about Elizabeth." Said The Fuzz.
" How do you about Elizabeth." Said Right-Hand Boy.
" Hey man I'm Tre-, The Fuzz I know everything." Said The Fuzz.
" So what do you know about Elizabeth." Asked Right-Hand Boy.
" Three words my friend fuck...able...breastses." Said The Fuzz.
" Well you do have a point they are very nice breasts." Said Right-Hand Boy.
" That they are my pre-pubescent friend... That they are." Said The Fuzz.
" You know what The Fuzz you're a good guy, you wanna go get some slushies at seven-eleven." Asked Right-Hand Boy.
" Fuck yeah bitch." Said The Fuzz. After walking outside the two brotha's also known as The Fuzz and Right-Hand Boy saw a gay looking Ben Afleck bitch wannabe floating in the air like a turd in a truck stop bathroom after eating thai food.
Right-Hand Boy screamed out," Hey you little peter pan reject why don't you go back to neverneverland and ' play ' with those little friends of yours."
Jumping down on his feet the gay looking Ben Afleck bitch wannabe walked over to The Fuzz and Right-Hand Boy.
" You dare speak to me like that.?" Asked the gay looking Ben Afleck bitch wannabe with his voice cracking.
Right-Hand Boy looked over to The Fuzz and asked," Who the hell does this guy think he is."
" I'm an exulted one with the power of the gods, you shall call me by the mortal name known as gideon." Said the gay looking Ben Afleck bitch wannabe now known as Gideon. " And we care because...?" Asked Right-Hand Boy.
" I'm the only hope of stopping the alien forces of evil from destroying the human race." Said Gideon.
" And why is that?" Asked The Fuzz.
" Eh...it... it...Because I'm an exulted one with the power of the gods, you shall call me by the mortal name known as gideon." Said Gideon.
" 'Kay...Let's get going The Fuzz." Said Right-Hand Boy.
" You dare insult me, an exulted one with the power of the gods known by you mortals with the human name known as gideon, by walking away!" Said Gideon .
" Bitch step off mothafucker!" Yelled The Fuzz blasting Gideon into a wall across the street.
" Lucky shot you furry little bitch, but I bet you twenty dollars that you can't hit me again, psychic shield 'whosh." Said Gideon.
" Alright, I guess I'm twenty bucks richer." Said The Fuzz. as he ripped out Gideons testicles, with the power of his mind.
Holding his blood spurting beanbag, which fell in his hands, the crying Gideon said," My fucking nutsack...Hey Kelehm look I told you I had a penis, Ethan come over here and take a whiff of this it smells horrible, almost as horrible as that videogame Advent Rising."
While the newly eunuch Gideon kept rambling on, The Fuzz and Right-Hand Boy went to 7 eleven.-Bryan and Ryan

Beef Stroganoff!!!!

So imagine this: I'm cooking beef stroganoff hamburger helper for me and my grandpa, trying to fill out my fafsa, listening to NIN's Pretty Hate Machine, trying to get a job at usps.com, and writing this blog. Pretty eventful, huh?
I think so.
I love to cook, and I love NIN. So this is practically a dream coming true.
Just something small, nothing big, to show ya'll I'm not dead yet.
-Sir Jestro

The Amazing Adventures of the Jizzenator: Chapter: 2

Head Like a Hole

This chapter is chapter 2 which means this was after chapter 1 so it will leave off where the first one ended you ho'bags.
"Why the fuck did you do that Jizzenator I could of gotten some pussay."Shouted Right-Hand Boy.
"You know it's disrespectful to talk like that about woman Right-Hand Boy." Yodeled Jizzenator.
"Oh,but it's not disrespectful to talk about how tight that police officers ass was." Said Right-Hand Boy.
"Well did you see it, it was tight.Yep,tight like a monkey's butthole." Said Jizzenator.
"And how the hell would you know how tight a monkeys butthole is." Inquired Right-Hand Boy.
"I have my ways Right-Hand Boy...I have my ways." Said Jizzenator. Just then a monkey ran across the street towards The Jizzenator and Right-Hand Boy, he stopped and waved at The Jizzenator. " Not now Mr. Tight Cheeks! I'm working, I'll call you later like I said I would." The monkey turns around hurt and runs away into the distance of the city.
After five minutes of uncomfortable silence The Jizzenator screamed out, " Testie Sense Tingeling!" Then The Jizzenator jumped into the street.
"...The hell are you doing?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" I must save the day!" He screamed.
" What the hell's wrong? What do you need to save?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" There are two cars speeding this way we must stop them!" The Jizzenator screamed.
" Why the fuck do you keep screaming? I'm right here. And you're the stupid asshole standing in the middle of the street! And what do you mean by 'we'?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" What are you saying? You don't want there to be a 'we' anymore? I thought you were different than the rest, I didn't think you'd hurt me but I guess I was wrong! Go run back to your little whore Right-Hand Boy!" The Jizzenator said not paying attention to the road.
" Hey fuck you man! I should fucking ki-" Just then, even before Right-Hand Boy could finish his sentence about killing The Jizzenator, he, The Jizzenator, was hit by one of those speeding cars.
The Jizzenator hitched a ride on the windshield of the speeding car. Then he sped off into the night like a black winged angel. A scream rang into the ears of Right-Hand Boy.
" Elizabeth!" He screamed, and ran to where Ms. Cummings was.
When Right-Hand Boy got back to the liquor store, he saw The Ice Cream Man Driving off with his woman, Elizabeth Cummings.
" Stop your BLEEPING Ice Cream Truck van thingy or I'll BLEEPING BLEEP you in your BLEEPING BLEEPER you...fuckin' assbeloncer." Shouted Right-Hand Boy, but then realized he was acting like The Jizzenator, by not doing anything that is. He saw a 94' Civic. It was red and a Jesus Freak bumber sticker on it. He ran and slid across the hood of the car, then ran around back to the drivers door.
" That was pointless." He said. He got in the car, and drove after The Ice Cream Man and Ms. Cummings. Right-Hand Boy wondered why someone had left the keys in their car and kept the car running and had the radio on playing that song, It's Raining Men, by that band that's not important enough to remember. Then he saw that there were two teenagers in the back seat performing oral sex on one another.
" Oh! That's fuckin' gross!" Right-Hand Boy shouted.
" Who's that Tucker?" Asked one of the teenagers.
" I don't know Kyle, I thought he was a friend of yours coming to join the party." They both giggled. They then went back to performing oral sex on one another but were still giggling causing them to choke on each others chickens. They died. Right-Hand Boy then got out of the car and got another one that looked exactly the same as the other one but without the dead gay guys. He sped after The Ice Cream Man's Truck van thingy.
Right-Hand Boy put the pedal to the metal as they say, but the funny thing is, the car's speedometer went up to 120mph. but the car maxed out at 60mph.
" Move you piece of shit!" Right-Hand Boy yelled. He couldn't see where The Ice Cream Man's truck van thingy was, but was following the trail of children who were chasing it waving dollar bills in the air. " Why the fuck are kids out this late?" Right-Hand Boy thought to himself. As Right-Hand Boy drove the car as fast as it could go, which was 60 mph. he looked at his mirrors as all good drivers do. He saw something chasing him, it ran up next to the car on the passenger side, it was Stranger. Right-Hand Boy rolled down the window and said.
" Well, hey there Stranger!"
" Hey." Stranger replied.
" So did you ever find that Steef you were looking for?" Right-Hand Boy asked, glancing back at the road.
" I don't want to talk about it." Stranger said dropping his voice.
" Well, Stranger I'm kinda in the middle of something so yeah..." Right-Hand Boy said then he took a left turn at an intersection. He could now see The Ice Cream Man's truck van thingy and sped after it. He then heard a voice and it said.
" So you uh, you don't wanna talk anymore?" Stranger asked running beside the car again.
" Stranger I'm kinda in the middle of something here." Right-Hand Boy said.
" Yeah, well fuck you, I'm gonna go find Joe Mama." Stranger said. " Bitch." Then he ran off in another direction. Right-Hand Boy heard in the distance these little green lizard guys say to Stranger. " Hey, dude it's that guy who like has got like the face."
" Yeah, I think his name's Steve." Another said.
" Hey, there Steve dude!" The first said.
" No, his name's Stranger!" A talking Chicken said. " I think he might be gay 'cuz a' the way he runs and all."
" He's like a Stranger even to himself dude!" The second lizard guy said. Then Right-Hand Boy could hear no more.
He sped after the van thingy and got closer with every minute. all of a sudden Right-Hand Boy heard some suspenseful music going,"dun dun dun da da da dum dum dum... dum dum," out of nowhere Right-Hand Boy heard a black man say,"Ya'll ready for this." then he saw cheerleaders cheering on the sidewalk.
Right-Hand Boy then saw the Ice Cream Man's truck in a nightclub parking lot and drove in and parallel parked.
Right-Hand Boy then raced out of the car into the club...then raced back out and put a quarter in the meter and went back in.
Inside was The Torn Phoenixx playing their new hit single,'Game Over.'
" That singer needs to sing louder, their back up singer is louder than him." Right-Hand Boy thought to himself.
Then he turned to the person next to him and asked," Who's singing lead vocals."
"Huh? Oh, that's Tom." Said a TTP fan which are also known as Embers.
He then saw The Ice Cream Man run up a flight of spiral stairs to the V.I.P. room holding Elizabeth over his shoulder.
" That motherfucker!" Right-Hand Boy screamed as he ran to the other side of the club, which was where the V.I.P. room was located. He got to the other side of the club, but it took him forever because everyone in there was rocking to TTP's awesome music. When he reached the stairs, Right-Hand Boy sped up them, he needed to save his woman.
Once he got to the top of the stairs Right-Hand Boy was stopped by two huge, seven foot tall bouncers.
" Fuck." Right-Hand Boy said out loud. They looked down at him and asked where he thought he was going, only " V.I.P.'s are allowed inside."
" But am I a V.I.P.?" Asked The Jizzenator who looked like he got hit by a car, oh wait he did. " Because you told me last night Jeff that I was-" The bouncer on the left cut The Jizzenator off by saying.
" Oh, yes, yes, please come right in Mr., um."
" Right-Hand Boy." The Jizzenator said. Right-Hand Boy ran into the room while The Jizzenator flirted with Jeff and Jerry, they're brothers.
" Elizabeth!" Right-Hand Boy yelled.
" Right-Hand Boy!" She screamed running out of a curtain covered room. Half of her clothes were ripped off, but unfortunately for Right-Hand Boy none of her breasts were exposed. " It was horrible! He tried to have sex with me with some cookie dough ice cream!"
" It's okay Elizabeth. It's okay." Right-Hand Boy said comforting her with a hug, purely non-sexually.
" It'll only be okay when I have her and two scoops of lovin', with some chocolate syrup." The Ice Cream Man said. He was naked except for the man thong he wore.
" Oh! I'm fucking blind!" Right-Hand Boy screamed. " Put some fucking clothes on you fuckin' bastard!" The Ice Cream Man ran up to Right-Hand Boy and hit him in the face with an Ice Cream scooper. Right-Hand Boy fell to the ground.
The Ice Cream Man grabbed Elizabeth once again. Right-Hand Boy prayed to the gods to give him a chance to save her. His prayer was answered.
TTP began to play 'Secret Agent Man' their crowd pleaser. The lead guitar player's guitar had so much feedback it stunned The Ice Cream Man giving Right-Hand Boy a chance to finish the job. He took Elizabeth from him, and hit him with a furious right hook. The Ice Cream Man was out ice cream cold.
" My hero!" Elizabeth said.
" So does that mean I get a kiss?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" That's not until the third date." Said Elizabeth.
" But I just fucking saved you from that perverted ice cream asshole and I'm still not getting even a kiss for a reward?" Right -Hand Boy asked.
" Nope." She replied.
" Why the hell not?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" Because I'm playing hard to get." Said Elizabeth.( End Scene.)

-Bryan and Ryan

Pop Tarts

`The Queen of Hearts,
she made some tarts,
All on a summer day:
The Knave of Hearts,
he stole those tarts,
And took them quite away!'
-The White Rabbit

Everytime I eat pop tars [which I just did] I think of that quote. I think of my junior year of high school, the last play of the year, Alice In Wonderland. I was The Mad Hatter/Tweedledum.
If you were in the show then you know why I remember the court scene more than any others in the play; The White Rabbit's big character break.

'How do you spell Ham Sandwhich?' -Omega
'H-A-M...Sandwhich.' -Jose
'[LOL] -Erin

It was bad. To all those out there reading this; if you're in or plan on being a stage preformer know one thing above all others; never break character on stage, for any reason.
I can say more, but I'm going to find something else to eat.
Until next time,
-Sir Jestro

[My Detective Story]

A cold breeze blows around my neck, and crawls down my back. I shiver. With my shaking hands I manage to light up a cigarette, unfiltered. It takes my shaky hands three attempts to get it lit. I put the smokes and the zippo back in my coat, and then I stick my hands in my pockets. I suck in through my shivering lips and blow the smoke out of my nose. All I hear are my footsteps. The street is empty this time of night, and I'm the only soul on it.

Click Clack. Click Clack. My shoes amd breath are the only sounds I hear beside the ambient winds and distant sounds of the city. As I walk under a street light I feel ten feet tall, my monsterous shadow dragging behind me. Just I get beneath the night- Zzzzrrrtttt!! All is black, even this city knows what I've done. They lie in the movies; murder does really change people. In tonight's case, two and several more by the time they find him, lying in bed full of painkillers with an empty bottle of wine in his hand.

I walk over a sewar hole and I can hear the water fall and splash against the bottom. I listen to it echo through the hollow tunnels and I become colder. I take my right hand out and with it I throw my dwindling butt in front of me. By the time I snuff it out with my click clacking shoes I've already lit another one up.

I see head lights in the distance coming my way. I continue to walk normally, but who really walks these streets at this hour?

I'll tell you. Me. A killer. That's who.

This damn driver's got his highs on and is blinding me. I look down, its too damn cold to cover my eyes with my arm. And as the car passes me I feel as though the driver was staring me. I always feel that way, but more than normal on a night like tonight. Tonight is like a black shadow, those nights that are highlighted for the rest of your life. Tonight is the living nightmare, that slow fear that builds in the bottom of your stomach and makes its way up to your throat. Yeah, tonight's a night I already regret.

I make a right into the park, down the big knoll. My shoes and the bottom of my pants are getting wet and grassy, great. As I make my way through the winds cackle through the trees. Their shrill laughs chill me like a martini, and I quicken my pace. The trees dance their evil witchcraft all around me. I go through four cigarettes in the whole three hundred feet that make up this park.

At last I reach my car, my hands are shaking too much for me to even open the door, I get it at last and sit inside the cold interior. I sit there for a minute and after just staring off into the distance of my fogged windows, I start up the engine. I can't feel the warm air. But even still I drive home.

She's sitting there in my office, on my nice leather chair. That's 356 dollars of brown leather she's sitting on. She has her legs crossed at the ankles, her black leather shoes on my desk. Slim black and white pin striped pants, matching suit jacket, and a black laced corset. I'm destracted by her tits; practically pouring out of her corset, just for a second, and almost as instantly, my gaze is diverted by a shinny rose locket she's wearing around her neck.

The light from the street lamp outside floods through the blinds and draws itself on her in a set of diagonal pin strips. The intersections look like crosses. The light catches on her locket and the glare makes me squint. She moves and her tits jiggle like jello. She gets up and introduces herself.

"My name is Alice. Alice Carpenter." She holds her hand out to shake my own. I look down at it moving just my eyes, then I pull both hands out of my jacket pockets and light a cigarette. With my left hand I hold it, and my right lights it. My eyes are fixed on the orange ember, the cherry, and its ash footprints trailing behind it. I walk around my desk, giving her the hint to move-she gets it. I sink into my leather chair and exhale. Then after I inhale again, I introduce myself.

"Hello, Ms. Carpenter. I'm Jack Ace at your service." What a name, right?

"Its Mrs. Carpenter." She says sitting in the brown wooden chair my secretary picked up from an ex she once had.

"Okay, Mrs. Carpenter, what can I do for you?" I ask.

She sits there, sizing me up. Then I see tears slightly start to form in the inner portion of her eye, near her nose. She clears her throat.

"Mr. Ace." She says biting her lip. "My best friend was murdered." I lean over the desk with my arm outstretched. In my hand is my pack of smokes, on of the little bastards is a quarter of the way out, just waiting for her to grab him. She moves forward slightly, then pauses. She looks me in the eye. Then she continues and granes the little bastard. And I switch hands. Now I have my lighter in my hand, outstretched to her. With the cigarette in between her big juicy lips, she leans towards the orange flame. The tip touches the flame and she breathes in, her eyes roll into the back of her head as she closes her eyes and leans backward.

"I'm very sorry to hear that." I say to her, sitting in my leather chair. "But death is a normal thing. I hate to say it, but so is murder. Homicide is more frequent in this town than a nice day." Its true you know, its been raining for three months straight. There's been a lot of destruction caused by it, but I'll tell you this; it does wonders for the ozone layer.

"So did you want me to investigate the murder? Investigate the possible murders? The sky's the limit here." She looks back at me, the cigarette almost gone. She stands up, and tosses a bar napkin onto my desk. Then she walks out and slams the door on her way out. I pick the napkin up and examine it. With my eyes. Its a ruff white, yellow stains spot it. Written in red ink there are words. In english. "The Shell Beach Club. 11:30" I toss it outward, look up at the ceiling, I do not have a good feeling about this. I tap the button to the intercom,

"Marcy," I say to my secretary, "Go have yourself a nice night." Silence.

"But Jack," She says back, her voice filtered in static. "Its only seven thirty." "I know, you go on and have yourself a good night, I'll close down shop." And a few minutes later, I hear her knowck on my door, saying goodnight, and the front door close. I recline, and relax, and I muse about later this evening.

You know, its true what they say, time does seem to slow down while you're looking down the barrel of a gun. But not in the way 'The Matrix' portrays it, there's no special effects. Your heart races and your veins turn electric with adrenaline. If I weren't already sweating I know I would be now. And because your heart is racing, your breath becomes short and fast.

You'd think your last couple of seconds of life would be memorable. I mean, no one wants to be the guy who died taking a shit at Starbucks. I always imagined dying in some kind of iconic way; like that old guy who died of a heart attack when he had an orgasim. Yeah, his hot model wife didn't know what to do, I mean he was still hard and smiling, it was just that whole 'breathing' and 'being alive' thing he was lacking.

Oh, did I mention your thoughts become erratic when you're looking down the barrel of a gun? Well, they do. I digress. I'm lying on my back, the shit kicked out of me thrown all over this back alleyway. This big buff muscle head is waving a gun around my face and he says,

"The boss said you were snooping around." He digs in his left pant pocket. "And that you used our method to get rid of a body." He pulls out a handful of bullets; I'm not a gun guy-hate the things- I've never even held a gun before, and he puts them into that spinning thing. I think its called a chamber. " Now the boss said to have some fun with you."

"Like our little dance just now?" I'm obviously referring to him beating the shit out of me, and me being a smartass.

"No, even more funner than that." He says, I'm guessing his name is Bubba or some biblical name, they're all stupid down south.

"Yeah, like how?" I ask not wanting to know the answer.

"Let's play Russian Roulette." He says with a big smile. Great, I have a 17% chance of dying right now, depending on if he only shoots once. "Only this time we play by my rules; I'll leave once I fire a blank and this will be your warning." Okay, I have a one is six chance of dying and the rest will just be a splat to the wrist, I'm more than okay with that. " So we're clear," Elijah says. " Five bullets in, one out."

"What?" All the blood just rushed out of my face, I'm as white as a ghost. Noah looks at me and smiles, he lifts the gun and points it at me. I take a deep breath. I'm standing over a cadaver, some young female; probably sixteen, max. She dressed up for a night club; black stiletto platforms, long torn leggings, a small plaid mini skirt, and some white button up school girl top. Her hair in pig tails.
"Typical rap victim." Josh tells me, my friend. He's the mortician, and an old high school friend of mine. He walks around the table to examine the body from a different angle. "Contusions around the jaw line suggest she was forcefully held by the neck, and these penetration wounds suggest she was killed by a knife of some kind, none were found at the scene of the crime." He unbuttons her shirt. "You see here, ecchymosis resulting from contusions." That's just fancy talk for 'bruises from being hit' basically. Then he removes her skirt, there's a blood puddle in between her legs, I turn away. "Oh, sorry Jack." He says as he puts her torn clothes aside. "The victim appears to have been a virgin before the assualt." He walks around, I can't tell what he's doing exactly, I'm too busy looking at the floor and imagining pretty things, like fancy cars and flowers.
"So, Josh. All these 'suicides' piling up lately, can you tell me anything about them?"
"Mhm." He says, I turn around. This jackass is eating a sandwhich with one hand and 'disecting' this little girl with the other, I nearly vomit. He swallows his mouthful of food and says, " They all have the same incision across the back." He sets down his sandwhich and walks over to me, with a glass of water. "I'm telling you this next part because I still haven't forgotten how you got me that date for prom our senior year," He whistles. "that was one piece of ass, let me tell you." I take a drink of the water. Its stale and warm, I'm wondering if maybe there're any formaldehyde remnants left floating around in the glass.

"These cuts are the calling card of 'The Night'," He says with a grin the size of canada on his demented face. "You know, that gang that's been terrorizing our city." The Night? What a stupid name for a gang.
"The Night? What a stupid name for a gang." I say.
"Yeah, I know." Josh says with a chuckle. "Why'd you wanna know, got some kind of plan?" I turn to him and smile.
"Yeah, something like that."
I drive up in my piece of shit, hunk of junk, phase two, car. Its a Moskvitch 408 I got for $115.00 at an auction. It putt putts its way up the driveway before whinning to a hault. I open the door with a slam of my whole body; it flies open and bounces back. But I'm too quick for it. I hop out the car and stumble to my feet.
"Not today door!" I scream while pointing at it. "Not today!" The door slams shut with a long annoying creak, my whole car rocks side to side when it hits. A hub cap falls off and spins in circles on the driveway. I'll pick it up when I leave. I walk up to the door; 1022 Wall blvd, and I ring the door bell.
-Sir Jestro

11:15pm

Its 11:15pm and I'm in front of my aunt's laptop, listening to Sabrepulse and texting several people at once. Life is starting to slow down, and everything seems like a waste, I feel like a burden and leech, just feeding off of everyone and giving nothing back. At first I thought that was me just being depressed, but on a later examination I'm starting to think it might be a combination of not sleeping well, homesickness, and me giving up caffine.
Any of these things could be what's causing me to feel the way I am.
Feels like I'm screaming for help and just getting glances of irritation back, but again, it could just be the above stated 'depressents'.
On a lighter note; I've begun writting a new story [a few weeks ago actually] that shows much potential. It will be titled 'Dollface' after my Porcelain Doll persona. She's the perfect girl, but since she doesn't really exist, she has only a blank canvas of what a girl would be, therefore, she's just a doll.
We'll get into deeper things as time goes on.
As you may have seen, I'm putting 'The Jizzenator' up, its not the best work of art, and not something I'd want my mother to read. But it is, however, something that reminds me of better days, therefore, to me, its beautiful.
The mood has faded, I'm feeling better. That might be sleep telling me its time to join him.
That sounds good. If you get the chance, listen to Sabrepulse. I love him.
-Sir Jestro

The Amazing Adventures of The Jizzenator and His Side-kick, Right-Hand Boy! Chapter: 1

The Becoming

Deep in the heart of New Skank City criminals get off by terrorizing and raping the morals and ethics of this once great city. With crooked cops, corrupt CEOs of large corporations who abuse their power like potheads abuse air fresheners, and the lack of Trent Reznor's powerful, aggressive, yet beautiful music in their city, the citizens yearn for a hero to save them from this depression. Their search for a hero would seem to be in vain, if Trent Reznor has no effect then how could some lesser being have one.

Unbeknown to the citizens a hero would soon be born, whoops scratch that make that a bunch of heroes were born, not now just like 20 something years ago or something,it doesn't really matter all you need to know is that there are heroes in the vicinity of New Skank City ( Damn that was one god damn long sentence my negro). Who were these titans of justice who would fish New Skank City out of the endless abyss of greed and apathy? Read on and discover bitch.

In the east end of New Skank City in the Badoww district, lies a small liquor store which would become the location of a turning point in the history of New Skank City. We'll take you inside for a closer look you fuckin' bitches.

"Give me all of your money you arab piece of crap," said an armed robber wearing pantyhose on his head, "or I'll pistol whip you in your gonads and dick slap you in the face, so don't move."
"But I have to move to get the money out of the register." said the arab piece of crap.
"I don't care just give me the money now, and how about you throw in this packet of beef jerky, oooh this bobblehead too..."
One Hour Later
"...and some trojans, her pleasure, Tom likes these. You know Where!" The burglar said while nudging the arab piece of crap with his elbow.
" Is there anything thing else." asked the arab piece of crap in a mildly sarcastic voice.
" Yes, I would like some justice with a side of sausage, mildly spiced Mr.Arab piece of crap." Said a masked one armed man as he read the clerks name-tag 'Mr. Arab Piece of Crap '.
" Who the hell are you." Asked the pantyhose wearing burglar.
"I am the Jizzenator, now come to me Right-Hand Boy." yodeled The Jizzenator.
"Ha Ha you said 'come'."snickered Right-Hand Boy.
"Enough of your silly antics, we have justice to serve and sausage to eat, now crank me off Right-Hand Boy." screamed The Jizzenator.
Some superheros have utility belts, but not The Jizzenator, he has a crank powered cup where all his superhero paraphernalia lies. They call this, The Concealer of Justice. He also wears a seman stained cape, tights, and high top sneekers, oh! and he's got one of those Spanish mustachios and one of those eye masks they wear at fancy balls, damn those fancy S.O.B.s and their balls. Right-Hand Boy on the other hand (get it right hand, other hand!) looks much like any other thirteen year old, with a black beany with the N.I.N. logo on it, that black and red T-shirt that Trent Reznor wore in the "Closer" music video you know which one I mean, jeans, and vans skate shoes. Right-Hand Boy gets his name from the fact that his right hand is abnormally larger than any normal person's hand.
Right-Hand Boy began to turn the crank lowering the cup like a drawbridge. Tons and tons of hair poured out of The Concealer of Justice and Right-Hand Boy began to sift through it. Out of the pubic jungle emerged a larger penis. This penis was three feet long and had a diameter of a foot and a half. This heavy piece equipment known as The Jizz Cannon, was covered in burnt flesh as well as pieces of metal which protruded out of it. There was a handle that was able to slide up and down the shaft of The Jizz Cannon. Right-Hand Boy jumped onto The Jizz Cannon, straddling it. Then he firmly grasped the handle of The Jizz Cannon. Just then a cross hair popped up from the tip of The Jizz Cannon, then Right-Hand Boy began to vigorously motion the handle up and down The Jizz Cannon. Just as he began to motion the handle, a speedometer showed up near the tip of the cannon and once it reached 88 mph. it would be ready to fire. Faster and faster Right-Hand Boy moved the handle, back and forth, up and down. Twenty seconds later the meter was at 89.5 mph. so Right-Hand Boy pulled the handle close to him so that it locked in, and simultaneously a red button the size of a soda can popped up from The Jizz Cannon. Right-Hand Boy slammed the button down,thus making The Jizzenator scream in ecstasy,simultaneously launching, The Jizz Wad(insert echo echo echo, well, yeah it'll echo)!
"Huh?" Asked the pantyhose wearing burglar. The Jizz Wad went speeding through the store slamming into the pantyhoes wearing burglar sending him straight into the wall, causing him to stick to it.
"Oh! It's all in my mouth and all over! I can taste it! It's all tangy, bittersweet. Now I know why girls give head but I'm telling you guys I would not swallow." The pantyhose wearing burglar said to Mr. Arab Piece of Crap, The Jizzenator, and Right-Hand Boy.
"Boys papa needs help to take care of these bitches."Said the pantyhose wearing burglar while eating the Jizzenators ammo.
Then all of a sudden a dozen pantyhose wearing transvestite gang members with machine guns danced into the store spraying bullets everywhere in hopes to kill the crime fighting duo.
After ducking behind the clerks counter The Jizzenator
yodeled,"We're knee deep in man sauce this time Right-Hand Boy."
Who was waiting by the microwave drinking a slushie while waiting for his chimichanga to be done.
"Huh what did you say?"Replied Right-Hand Boy
"What course of action do you think we should take".Yodeled The Jizzenator who was poking at his ammo and sniffing it curiously.
After finishing his yummy snack Right-Hand Boy dove behind the counter to The Jizzenator trapping himself behind it.
"You're the worst god damn super hero ever Jizzenator, for gods sake I'm your thirteen year old sidekick come up with your own plan of attacks I'm sick and tired of doing everything while you just stand around yodeling and being a stupid idiot."Said Right-Hand Boy who was desperately trying to fight the urge to kick the shit out of The Jizzenator.
"But how how are we going to get out of this Right-Hand Boy". Asked The Jizzenator who was crying like a bitch and yodeling out of tune.
After a few moments of contemplating Right-Hand Boy spoke out loud,"Shit...What the hell would Max Payne do in a situation like this?"
Unbeknown to them Max Payne was crouching behind the stack of pain killers."My mind was like a spiral staircase and the further down I went the rustier the steps became,and the intangible rain fell down upon me like a noose of melancholy that was wrapped tightly around my neck."
"So what would you do?"Asked Right-Hand Boy.
"It held me there, every time I tried to move it would grasp more tightly around my neck. And sitting in a situation like this with bullets grazing through the air like birds taking flight one must realize they should face the music."
" Right! Okay thanks Max!" The Jizzenator said. " I know what I must do Right-Hand Boy!" He peaked his head around the corner of the counter in hopes to try and find the machine gun wielding gang members, but as he turned that corner one of them had him point blank in their sight and took fire. The bullets impaled The Jizzenator turning his face into swiss cheese.
" Holy crap dude!" Right-Hand Boy said as he laughed out loud.
" Wight-And Oi!" The Jizzenator tried to say.
" Yeah?" Right-Hand Boy replied.
" I eed oo too get ee eye cream." The Jizzenator struggled to communicate.
" What you want Ice Cream? You know this may not be the right time for this." Right-Hand Boy said.
" No! Eye Cream!" The Jizzenator screamed.
" Eye cream...the hell is that?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" Eye Cream!" The Jizzenator screamed yet again only this time pointing at his ammunition that lay splattered all over the store.
" Oh! Your Cream. Were you trying to say 'My Cream'?" Right-Hand Boy asked eating a beef jerky stick he found under the counter.
" Jes." The Jizzenator said.
" Who's Jess?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" Eye Cream!" The Jizzenator screamed, he was dying.
" Why don't you fucking just say 'my cream' you stupid bitch, and why the hell did you poke your head out of the counter?" Right-Hand Boy asked scooping semen off the wall and wiping it all over The Jizzenator's face.
" Ecause," The Jizzenator's face healed rapidly. " I love music that's why!"
"....The hell are you talking about?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" Listen up you hoolagans!" The Jizzenator yelled as he got to his feet and struck a super hero pose, the one where their hands are on their hips and their cape sways in the wind.
" Who the hell is that?" One Gang member asked another.
" I am The Jizzenator!" He yelled.
"The Terminator?" asked Mr.Arab Piece of Crap.
"No, you Arab piece of shit." Shouted Right-Handboy.
"No, that's my brother," said Mr.Arab Piece of Crap.
"You say tomato I say tamatoe."Said Right-Hand Boy.
"Why are we talking tomato's instead of ice cream," asked The Ice Cream Man on his intercom.
"Ahhh!Ice Cream!" screamed the panty hose wearing burglar's sounding like a bunch of japanese school girls.
"What do you want?" asked The Ice Cream Man.
"I want rocky road." Said one of the pantyhose wearing gang member in the gayest voice ever while waving a one dollar bill.
"I want Vanilla." said one of the pantyhose wearing gang member.
"Pistachio."said a pantyhose wearing gang member.
"I want rainbow sherbert,"said another pantyhose wearing gang member.
"Fucking fags."said Right-Hand Boy.
"What cigarettes? I didn't know we were in England?"Yodeled The Jizzenator while searching the crowd.
"This isn't rocky road...it taste like shit," said a pantyhose wearing gang member.
"You know I don't go to your work and tell you that your ice cream taste like human shit." Said The Ice Cream Man.
"No, man it really tastes like...wait is this toilet paper...this is shit." Screamed The pantyhose wearing burglar.
"Well I never said it wasn't." Said The Ice Cream Man throwing his arms in the air.
"You should be more like this guy." said Right-Handboy.
"Well sorry I'm not perfect,I try my best okay,but no one takes The Jizzenator's feelings into consideration do they." Said The Jizzenator as he cried like a little bitch.
"There there Jizzenator don't be a little bitch like fan boy." Said Right-Hand Boy.
" We need to get out of this sticky situation Right-Hand Boy." The Jizzenator said as he wiped his eyes.
" Sticky situation, that's it!" Right-Hand Boy shouted. After thinking it over he began to execute his plan.
" What silly idea are you playing with this time Right-Hand Boy?" The Jizzenator asked.
" This will indeed become a 'sticky' situation, Jizzenator." Right-Hand Boy said. He cranked off The Jizzenator once again revealing, The Jizz Cannon.
" So are you going to give me a refund for this shit I'm eating?" The pantyhose wearing burglar asked The Ice Cream Man.
" No." The Ice Cream Man said in a bland flat out voice.
" Yeah, well, um, fuck you man." The pantyhose wearing burglar said.
" No! It's Ice Cream Man," He said pulling out a box of bubble gum cigarettes. " Bitch."
" Hey, you hoolagans in hoes!" The Jizzenator yodeled. " Take a sip of this in place of your shit." Then Right-Hand Boy fired The Jizz Cannon which was loaded with a new kind of ammo, Grab Juice. The creamy stream of justice sprayed over the whole group of pantyhose wearing burglars hardening strongly around them, holding them there until local police would arrive.
Four squad cars pulled up to the liquor store. Immediately
Right-Hand Boy's attention was drawn to a certain female police officer. This said police officer had huge ginormous melons
next to her huge ginormous double E breasts.
" Hey! Cummings got us all melons!" One officer said to the rest.
" Fuck yeah bitch!" They all said as they ran toward her. Right-Hand Boy on the other hand was struck with rigamortous, every boner in his..... whoops, every bone in his body stared at her ginormous breasts. He fell in love, they were absolutely beautiful. The cleavage poured out like a waterfall of man juice.
" So what's the story here?" Ms. Elizabeth Cummings asked her fellow police officers.
" Don't really know, something has to do with these guys here though." One says to her. She looks around, she sees The Jizzenator eating what appears to be vanilla ice cream, The Ice Cream Man throwing those little rock packs that explode when you throw them on the ground, and Right-Hand Boy gazing at her longingly. She walked up to him and said.
" Hey there little man!" She bent over exposing even more cleavage. Right-Hand Boy could contain himself no longer! He jumped on her and grasped her ginormous breasts firmly. " Whoa, that's some grip you've got there little man. What's your name?"
" Right-Hand Boy!" Yodeled The Jizzenator. He ran over to them. " Get off of her this instant! I'm so sorry he usually has more control than this."
" No, it's okay I don't mind I'm glad he didn't try some cheesy pick up line." She said jiggling Right-Hand Boy around.
" I know exactly how you feel, I get hit on all the time. People always want something from old Jizzenator." He said rubbing his chest.
" So you call yourself Jizzenator, and he's Right-Hand Boy?" She asked.
" You're smart for having such large and voluptuous breasts, you'd think you'd just go out whoring yourself, you'd be richer than Bill Gates that's for sure. If I had breasts like your I'd fuck every living man on this earth, twice! Just to say I did. And when I'd eventually start to get loose I'd just stuff more men at once. You know I think you should reconsider your ocupation choice miss?" The Jizzenator asked.
" Detective Elizabeth Cummings." She said.
" I know someone else who's cumming." Right-Hand Boy said as he began to stuff his face between her breasts.
" Oh, how cute!" She said jiggling some more.
" Right-Hand Boy you're disgusting me! Let's go!" The Jizzenator said pulling him off of Detective Cummings breasts. Right-Hand Boy let out a scream for him to stop but by then it was too late. Then The Ice Cream Man came up to Detective Cummings and said.
" Hey, baby. Do you have a quarter? Cuz' my mama told me to call if she saw.... wait no. Are your parents astronauts? Cuz' your tits are blowing my mind..... wait.... damn!" He readjusted himself. " Wanna fuck bitch?" She only replied with a deadly stare.
" I'm the only one who's gonna make love her you fucking asshole!" Right-Hand Boy screamed.
"Ahhh,bye cutie hope I see you again soon." Said Detective Cummings after blowing a kiss to Right-Hand Boy.
"Hope I see you three again too." said Right-Hand Boy.

-Bryan and Ryan