Becky's Diary. DON'T READ!!!!

Dear Diary,

Today is July ninth, two thousand and ten.
I moved in with my cousin and his two roommates. One of them is this weird guy who only comes out at night, his name is Bido, I don't know how to spell it. Its weird, I've never seen him get any mail, it's like he doesn't even exist.
I mean, come on Diary, everyone I mean EVERYONE gets junk mail, or mail from the bank, but not him.
The other one, Zach, he's pretty cute although he's been acting weird for the passt few days. Jonathan [my cousin] told me that Zach lost his job. I feel so bad for him, I want to buy him a pet or something, but since he has no money I don't think he'll be able to take care of it. He takes the longest showers though!
OMG!!!
I always try to take a shower before he does. Because he takes so long.
You know something, Diary. I like talking to you, because you always listen. It's not like with other people, you're either the only one talking, or the one who is just humoring the other person. I don't think people really know how to interact with each other anymore. We keep finding ways to seperate ourselves from each other: Mail, the telephone, the cell phone, the computer, texting.
I'm so glad I don't have a phone, I'd hate to become some kind of faceless lemming. Cell phones were cool until everyone had one.
OMG, Diary, I was walking to one of my PETA meetings [I decided to try it, it was so NOT what I thought it was going to be, all they did was talk talk talk about abuse towards animals. Like that one time when I went to that Feminists meeting and all they did was talk about men, and how much they hated them, ugh...people are stupid!] and I saw this little girl, probably about six, with a cell phone, texting. I totally threw up my dolphine safe tofu tuna. It smelled awful!
I really want something to happen. I'm stuck between semesters and I can feel my sanity slowly leaving me. I'm anxious nowadays. And I feel really alone, I just wish there was someone out there who would find me and make me feel beautiful. That's all I really want, is to feel loved, and beautiful. But it's so hard to find anyone worthy of any sort of attachment, and the few you DO come across, they're all taken and absolutely in love with someone else.
Just my fate, huh, Diary, to wander the world all alone, kind of like the Incredible Hulk, looking for someone to love me. Looking for that place inside, that place that makes us all feel so warm and fuzzy inside, that place called "HOME".
Well, Diary. I have to go to work now. I'll talk to you again in a few days.
Bye!
<3
-Becky S.

-Sir Jestro

Numb

Every time I take a step,
Flowers bloom into beauty,
But every time I speak a word,
They wither into ashes.

If I cut out my tongue there would be no more pain,
Only beautiful everything,
But then -- would your eyes become numb?
How much color would the world lose, if everything was beautiful?

Love is defined by the imperfections,
All those memories not present in a scrapbook,
But those are the glue,
That can keep the world together.

When actions speak louder than words,
I become silent,
Open those eyes and see,
The world is a mirror, looking right back at you.

Beautiful.

-Sir Jestro

Customer Service:The Slow Downfall of Happiness [Chapter Nineteen]

Alright, so here we really go. This is that one amazingly awesome story you've all been waiting for. This is THE story of how I ended up with the astounding, Bella Hernandez.

It was while she was still with that Mathew kid, we had made plans [and when I say "we" I mean I asked her out on a friendly date] to go to the circus. But like pretty much every other time, I had to invite someone else to come along with us. But by this time, everyone felt as though the two of us were already an item and didn't want to be a third wheel, we must have been a great couple.
So I couldn't get anyone else to come along with us, and Bella told me, straight up, I can't go. Mathew was uneasy, still, with the two of us being alone together, and going out to the circus together. And with good reason, I'd be jealous of me too!
LAWLZ!
Well, I still wanted to go to the circus, so I went...alone. I invited Antonary with me, but he had a show that night in Palm Springs, so he was busy. I got there just fine, which was a surprise because my car had begun to hate me, probably because I never made a move on Bella, even though I was given the chance over a dozen times. She pretty much threw herself at me a few times, but I valued that friendship enough not to want to jeopardize it. But don't get me wrong, I wanted to do just horrible things to her, sexually, but felt that if it was going to happen it would be a mutual endeavor. Also, she was a kickass friend, not one you can find too easily, so I didn't want to ruin that when she'd strategically make it to where I ended up onto of her, on my bed.
I digress.
I was at the circus and watched Siamese Twins sing, and a man swallow his own arm, and things like that [the whole time texting my beloved Bella]. As I was wondering around after the big performance I was heading back to my car when an old Gypsy woman stopped me.
"Would you like to see your future?" She asked me. I thought about it for a second.
If I could see me future would that change it? If so, what would the point in that be? But that's only assuming that the future isn't set in stone, that it changes with every new action. If that were true then as I watched my future wouldn't it be constantly changing? With that in mind I decided that time must be set in stone, like a book. No matter how many times you read it, it will always be the same' the beginning, the middle, and the end. So I thought, 'fuck it'.
"Sure." I told her. "How much?"
"No price." She said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You are meant for great things, and it is my destiny to show you what to expect." She said. That theory blew my mind.
Your entire life being based around one thing. Nothing else you do matters, except this one thing. What if my destiny was just to tell someone to walk home instead of driving because I had the bad feeling they were going to get in a car wreck. Nothing else in my entire life mattered, the only thing I was put on this earth for was to tell that one person to walk home. It really takes the fun out of living, don't you think?
It's like we're all just a single note in an entire orchestra of sound. I'm a single eighth note on a page, stringing the song along. With that outlook you can't help but become selfless.
But as I know, from living, even if we're meant to do one thing, no matter what, there's still some much more we can do, along the way.

I digress, again.

The woman put her hand over my eyes and told me to breathe deeply, and so I did. I saw a flash.
I was an old man, probably in my late thirties, and I was walking hand-in-hand with an old version of Bella. The two of us looked happy, old, but happy. She still looked just as beautiful then as she does now, quite possibly more beautiful, like she had finally grown into her body. Completely comfortable, the way only old people do.
Then the old woman removed her hand from my eyes.
"That is your happily ever after, Ryan. With her. She will take the best out of you, and help you accomplish all the things you were meant to do. And you will give her a beautifully interesting life in return. All the stories that can't be retold, only experienced, you will give her."
I was, for the first time, speechless.
"The future is just as unchangeable as the past, but that doesn't mean coasting by will make it easy." She said and then a group of stupid middle school kids, probably from San Bernadino, walked between us, and she was gone.
"Fuckin' kids!" I screamed and headed to my car. I checked my phone, there was a text from Bella.
"Hello!!!? *pOw*" It said.
"Sorry, what's up?" I texted back. Then drove home. The whole way thinking to myself.

If the future isn't unchangeable then it shouldn't matter if I don't do anything, right? I could go and drive my car into a wall right now, right? But would that kill me? Maybe I'd just end up in a coma and live in the world of "Dollface"? Maybe me being in a coma would cause Bella to want to be with me? Who knows? All I saw were two old people who looked like Bella and me, holding hands -- I could feel the absolute love though.
Maybe I'd become some kind of professional author or film maker, and become a legend. Maybe that'd make Bella want to be with me? But the vision was of absolute love, not the kind of someone being a gold digger. Who knows?

I ran all kinds of "what if" questions through my head and none of them really added up. But as I looked into my own past, a lot of the stories that I'm certain have happened to me, don't add up. Life is sometimes the worst story, with the worst writers, ever! I decided to just go with the flow, to not change my intentions. Because before then I never expected finding a happily ever after, especially not with Bella. But now that I know that I'm getting one, and its arguably not even possible, it seems like things have changed.
"What time do you work tomorrow *pOw*" She said via text.
"I close, 2:30-11:30pm." I texted back.
"Ill see you for a few hours im off at 7 *pOw*" She said.
"Okay, cool! See you then!" I said.
Then we continued to text until she fell asleep, I posted a poem that night, on my blog about her, and about how things had changed. It was as if her entire tone had changed, that every question had a hidden meaning now.
This whole thing hurt my head.

-Sir Jestro

Confessions of a Teenage Zombie [Chapter Seven]

I was so pissed that that bitch Sam left me chained up to her wall. I pushed myself forward, pulling the chains with my arms. But nothing.
I was stuck to that brick wall.
I started to cry, but no tears came out... at least they weren't that salty water people cry. It was more like a reddish goop, as if I was crying blood. Like I was crying out the blood of that cute little piggy, and that cat, and that crazy stalker ex-boyfriend.
That idea made me angry. It's like I've become closer to life than humans. Like I can connect to living creatures better than they can, and they call me a monster.
With this new found anger I pulled myself against the wall again, this time...very slowly, I managed to pull myself out of the wall. First it was my left arm, that came ripping out of the wall [still chained around the wrist] and then my right one.
I felt like that guy from my dad's favorite movie "Villain's and Vigilante's" with the chains draping from my wrists, dragging on the ground.
I ran up the stairs, up to the door. I broke through it with my shoulder. It went flying in shards, across the kitchen. I looked around in a panic, there was no one there. I did, however, hear sounds of rushing feet coming from the hallway. A flood of armored men came pouring into the kitchen.
"Target confirmed. Pulse less is active." One shouted, they all stopped and lifted their guns towards me.
"Pulse less?" I asked, cocking my head to one side.
"One without a pulse." One of then said, although I couldn't tell because they all wore helmets.
"Well, I do have a pulse...I mean sometimes." I said.
"Really? You do?" Another said, and lowered his gun.
"Raise your weapon solder!" A different one shouted.
"But Captain, she says she has a pulse!" The one with his gun lowered said.
"Sometimes! Is what she said!" The Captain shouted, although I didn't know who that was.
"How do we know if she has a pulse right now?" One said from the crowd.
"Murphey has a point, if she has a pulse right now, then its practically murder, but if she doesn't..." The first solder said. "...then it should be fine, right?"
"I guess you're right, Rodriguez." The Captain said. "Go and check her pulse." He ordered.
"What? Why me?" He asked.
"It was your idea to halt the orders in the first place! We can all get in a shit load of trouble for this!" One of them shouted from the crowd.
"Alright, fine! I'll do it!" Rodriguez shouted and walked over to me. He held his arms out, like I was a giant tiger or something. "Okay, now. I'm just going to check your pulse, alright?"
"Okay." I said, calmly. He walked up and put his hands around my wrists, trying to adjust them so he could check my pulse.
"What's the hold up, Rodriguez!?" One of them shouted.
"I can't get to her wrists, she's got these chains around them!" He shouted back.
"Why would she have chains around her wrists if she wasn't a zombie? Huh?" A voice shouted from the crowd.
"There are a ton of reasons, Ball. Maybe she's into kinky stuff, or maybe the person who chained her up is some kind of wacko? And the term 'Zombie' is politically incorrect, you know this!" The Captain said.
"So you're uh..." Rodriguez said to me. "...into kinky stuff?"
"No, not really." I said. "But I did hang myself this one time."
"Oh, that sounds pretty hot." He said, I could see his eyes through his helmet kept glancing down at my chest [it was not a good day to wear a tank top, I guess]
"I guess." I said.
"Rodriguez! Just check the pulse on her neck, fuckin' idiot!" A voice said.
"Hold your tongue, solder!" The Captain screamed.
"Okay. Hey, I'm going to check your neck, kay?" He said to me.
"Alright." I said with a smile. When his warm fingers [that he took out of the black gloves he was wearing] touched my cold skin, he freaked out. A shiver went through his body. He held his fingers to my neck for a few moments and then jumped back.
"She has no pulse! She has no pulse!" He screamed.
"FIRE!!!!" The Captain screamed, and all of them raised their weapons again. I ran into the dinning room, heading for a set of glass doors at the end of it. I ran as fast as I could and just before I reached the doors, they shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. I felt the bullets fly through my stomach and shoulders, but I didn't feel any sort of pain. It was like running cold water on a latex glove covered hand.
I ran through the rain of glass and into the backyard. Thank Jesus it was a small backyard.
I ran through the nicely kept gardens and jumped over the back wall. I could hear the sporadic firing of the guns as I looked around the new backyard I had fallen into. It looked like a symmetrical image of the one I had just jumped out of. I ran towards the glass doors. I looked over my shoulder and saw a dozen armored men crawling sluggishly over the wall. I broke through the glass doors and fell into the new dinning room.
I jumped to my feet and ran down a hallway, trying to find th front door, when suddenly I was knocked into a closet. It was dark and smelled like old people. I heard a stampede of footsteps running towards me. Then I heard an unfamiliar voice scream.
"She went outside! Into that house over there!" And the stampede left the house and the from door slammed behind them.
Then the closet door open and a cute Gothic looking boy stood in front of me and said,
"Why, hello there."

-Sir Jestro

Dollface [Chapter Four]

The massive hand was about the size of my chest. I felt like a child, grasping on to one finger with my entire hand. But I held on tightly, and was helped to my feet.
"Th--Thank you." I managed to force the words out. But the behemoth didn't say a word, it just looked at me with it's huge Scuba Mask. There was a faint light coming from the inside of it, behind the iron bars, behind the glass -- white with some kind of fog from within. The huge suit looked like it was made of Kevlar.
"Well, I -- uh, I'm gonna be on my way then." I said and turned around to start heading to Pompey. As I made my way I could hear the gigantic footsteps slamming against the earth behind me. I looked back. The Colossus was following me. I stopped.
"Are you following me?" I asked. Still, not a word. I paused, looking for the right words.
But none came.
I started to walk again. At first I tried to ignore the giant pounding footsteps that were following me, but after a while I just couldn't take it. I slowed down a bit, walking beside it.
"Well, um..." I looked up at it, into the foggy light of it's face. "I'm going to Pompey to find my wife. She, uh...she left me -- well, we had a fight and I, uh said some things I didn't mean. She was pretty upset, and I mean -- she was being really mean, always bringing up that ex of hers. Its been three years!" I was shouting now. I was completely pouring my insides out to this complete stranger. But I guess everyone starts out as a stranger, and the people we really confide in are just the lucky ones, or the ones we've managed to prove ourselves to. No one really ever wants to be the one with their insides open for display, for the world to see. Others are just there when you need them, a faceless entity you can trust.
"I just...I hate feeling like I'm second best, you know?" I said. It was easy to see in the dark, the Colossus' illuminated face acted as a flashlight. "She didn't have to leave him, and that's what I told her. I said, 'If you miss him so much, go back to him. No one told you to be with me, you chose!' Then she flipped out and started screaming and left. It took me a while to get over it, the anger, you know? I was in that mind set of just saying the worst possible things, just to make her mad. And I did, and it hurt me, doing that." We began to walk across a huge field, with tall grass. The light cut through the grass blades, making a strange army of dancing shapes. They looked like flowing hair strands, made of light.
"I realized that she was really all I based my life around. I began photography to take pictures of her, to capture her beauty for the rest of the world to see. I wanted to show off, show the world that a--" I looked up at the Colossus, who just gazed forward, off into the endless night. "--that an ugly, no talent like me could have a girl like that. That there's some kind of beauty, some kind of talent I can't see. You know?" The Colossus looked at me and then back at the path before us.
"She made me love myself, and that's why I have to get her back. She, ha! I know it sounds stupid, but she...completes me."
The two of us walked side by side, through the tall grass.
"My name's Jack, by the way. And yours is...?" But, no answer. We continued to walk along side one another, in silence. The zephyr blowing through the tall blades was the only sound, other than the heavy footsteps and buzzing of far-off insects.
"I'm going to call you..." It looked over to me. "Tiny. Your name is Tiny from now on, kay?" Still, no answer.
"Tiny? Do you think I'm crazy, wasting my time on all of this? I mean, I'm going into Pompey, just for a girl. Do you think I've completely lost it? Sometimes I feel like I have, like this is some kind of test, for myself -- to prove something. What? I don't know. Then, other times, I feel like this is my way to help her. Like she was lost in that same mind set I was, to inflict as much pain as possible. Like she wants me to save her, to take her back to the way things used to be." Then Tiny stopped and so did I.
Just beyond the grass, a few feet ahead, was a lake. The grass all around it was dead and had turned to ash. On the opposite side there was nothing but flat sand, for what looked like forever. It eventually, off -- way off in the distance, it hit the sky. Massive and dark, lit up only by the giant spectacle of the moon and a few magnificent planets. All of this was reflected on the surface of the still, mirror-like lake. It looked like a sky flipped on it's back, looking down at itself.
I walked up to the edge of the water, Tiny standing still where he first stopped, I walked to the one thing in the lake. A dock that stretched from one end to almost the center. As I stepped on it, it creaked and dipped into the water. A single, huge ripple expanded from the dock, hit the ends of the water, and rippled back to the dock. I walked to the end of the dock and with each step a single, huge ripple shot out from the dock. When I reached the end I peered inside, through the surface of the calming water.
I knelt down and pressed my chest against the dock, my face just above the water. I was so close my breath alerted it. As I looked through the surface I saw a garden of seaweed, just as tall and menacing as the grass Tiny and I were walking through. I looked through the dark shadows beneath the water and saw a woman trapped within them. Her hair floating weightlessly in the water. My eyes shot open, and so did hers. She looked at me, from the bottom of the lake, her arms and legs bound by the tall underwater grass. My jaw dropped and so did hers.
A few air bubbles escaped her mouth. They hit the surface of the water and looked like blisters waiting to pop. And they did.
The first bubble popped and a handful of fragmented letters floated in the air. Slowly, they formed a small sentence.

"Don't leave me here to die."

Another bubble popped, and more letters floated up into the night sky.

"I'm only wishing you'd extend your hand to me."

A few more bubbles exploded.

"How much of myself can I pour out,
Before I'm all shriveled and old?
My insides fill with self mutilation,
And my heart is screaming out to you."

Two more bubbles explode.

"Don't leave me here to die,
Pick me up and carry me to safety."

Then the tall, underwater grass covered her, and I could see her no longer. I got to my feet, the lake echoing my movements like it did the sky. I walked back to Tiny.
"We have to go, Tiny." I said walking around the huge lake. "I have to save Abbi, I have to save her from herself. We'll only be safe if we're together. Come on, Tiny. We have to save her!"

-Sir Jestro

Dreamer

I like to think I'm a dreamer,
Trying to bridge a gap,
To climb the unclimbable,
And unlock the toughest lock.

I think I'm a dreamer,
Wishing to touch through the glass,
To tough the intangible,
And hold it in my arms.

But now I feel that will never happen,
Each day I'm pulled further from that warmth,
My insides turning cold,
Breaking from the ice that's crusted over.

I think that I'm a dreamer,
And sometimes I wish I'd never wake up.

-Sir Jestro

A Mountain of Dust

I think its time for a radical readjustment,
To stop and smell the roses,
To show you the world as I see it,
Through my eyes.

I can show you the way,
As I find the path myself,
I need to break through the boring trivial moments,
And hold onto those that matter most.

I'm going to branch off from words,
Explore the other senses,
In order to make them truly come alive,
Instead of dying underneath a mountain of dust.

I hope you'll be coming with me, on this endeavor.


-Sir Jestro

Strangers Wearing Makeup: Chapter Six [Coffee and a Murder]

I went to meet with Allison again, after the meeting we had at The Shell Beach Club. We were meeting at Cockrun & Ball Coffee House, it was a cafe in one of the nicer, more upscale parts of the city. In this part of the city everyone was a tree hugger. So wrapped up in the idea of saving the earth, stopping global warming, and yet they all smoked like chimneys. How hypocritical can you get? Ruining the ozone with smog and smoke is blasphemy, yet turning your lungs black with tar isn't?
I never did understand those types.
That day was a cool one, a slightly breeze rolling in from the ocean. The sky an overcast grey, like it was one big television screen that lost any kind of signal long, long ago.
When I arrived to the scene a line of Vespas and pompous assholes filled the coffee house. I walked along the side of the shop, peering inside to spot Allison. Then I heard her.
"Gus!" I glanced over and saw her sitting at a table outside, underneath a big green umbrella. I sat across from her. A woman was sitting next to her.
"Gus, I'd like you to meet my friend Amanda." She motioned to her with an arm. Amanda was sucking her iced coffee through the straw, her voluptuous lips pouting. They wrapped around the tiny straw, making it look even smaller. Her lips were glossy. She stared at me, eye-fucking the shit out of me.
In that one look I felt her sucking my dick. The warmth from her mouth spreading throughout my body. The rhythm of her head bob getting me closer to climaxing. The whole time her eyes fixed on mine.
I was broken from my fantasy and brought back to the stark world.
"Gus, Amanda works at The Shell Beach Club; she's a singer." Allison told me, I didn't find any relevance in it, but held onto the information for later reference.
"That's awesome. How do you like it?" I asked Amanda. She broke away from the straw and licked her lips erotically.
"I love it. I meet so many interesting people." She said.
"I'm sure you do." I replied. Then looked to Allison. "Alright, let's talk business."
"Okay." Allison said. "Five grand." She said calmly.
"That's quite an amount, but I can't accept it." I told her.
"And why is that?" She asked getting flustered.
"I'm a private investigator. That means I'm the guy you call if you think he's cheating on you. What you're looking for is a hit man, some soulless monster with no respect for the living." I told her lighting a cigarette.
"What if I made it fifteen grand?" She offered. I dropped my lighter.
"Fifteen? Just like that?" I was taken back by this.
"I need it done, Gus. No one would expect a private investigator to kill someone. After this is done, the cops will be contacting any known assassins around, asking who paid them for the hit." Allison said. I looked over to Amanda who was just sucking on that straw.
"...You make it twenty and we have a deal." I said. I really didn't want to take this job, but I desperately needed some money.
"Twenty thousand dollars it is." She said. "But you'll receive payment after the fact then."
"Why is that?"
"Because I don't just have twenty thousand dollars in my purse, now do I? I'll come into a fortune after Thomas' death, you'll receive your compensation then." She said.
"But what about my collateral?" I asked.
"I could be your collateral." Amanda said licking her lips. "Do you know how much a personal lesson by me is worth?" She grinned. I couldn't help but smirk.
"Its settled then." Allison said. "Amanda, you meet Gus tomorrow and that will be a good enough payment until the assignment at hand is dealt with." She stood up and grabbed her purse. She looked at Amanda. "Go easy on him, he'll need his strength." Then she walked off.
That's when Amanda stood up. She handed me a card.
"Meet me at the club at six forty tomorrow night. We'll carpool from there." Then she started walking off in the opposite direction. She turned back and shouted. "Oh, and Gus! Wear a vest, I think layers are hot!"
I looked down at the card: Amanda Bliss, singer. I did not like how that whole scene played out, it makes me sick to my stomach, replaying it in my head.
I need to get some egg rolls. I should head to the donut shop on Elizabeth street, there's a cute Mexican girl there that gives great head.

-Sir Jestro

The Harvest

A tear shed,
black,
Its nothing...forgotten,
A frustration that cannot be articulated.

I am overreacting.

As the black trails slide down your cheek,
Drying as the wet tear gets closer to the earth,
Its easy to see them seeding themselves,
Under your skin.

Sometimes anger is there, harvesting and growing underneath the surface.


-Sir Jestro

Dead Elephant: Prologue

I live in a fifteen mile cube.
The southern most point, to the northern most point -- fifteen miles.
The most western to the most eastern, fifteen miles.
The spot with the lowest elevation, to the highest...
Fifteen miles.

Like I said, I live in a fifteen mile cube.

We have a small city, the people who live in this cube with me. We border six other cubes, just our size. Imagine it like countries, only each one is exactly the same size.
Some cubes have only one season, some have five. Mine has four. There's only one city in ours, its small almost like a hick town, without the inbreeding. None of us know why we live in cubes, but we've all heard stories.
One particular story comes to mind;
Its about a man searching for his soul mate, all the while battling himself and the world around him -- people too.
Before I begin the story, there are a few more things you need to know about our world.
We live in cubes.
No one is sure how many cubes there are.
No one knows how to break through the walls, floor, or ceiling of the cubes. The only way to travel through them are through the doorways that open every so often throughout the day.
There is no sun, in these cubes, although they have all each developed their own natural habitats, like a million different greenhouses. Each created for a different purpose.
Women control most societies, although there are few male-driven societies out there.
Men are more like cattle, meant only for breeding. Given the illusion of freewill. Even though they aren't slaves, men are watched very carefully by the woman guards.
Tyler Pap changed things in a big way.
Tyler Pap was a disturbed man.
Tyler Pap was created to do evil, evil things.
This is the story of how Tyler Pap killed an invisible elephant and learned how to be free from doing so.

-Sir Jestro

Nothing

I was driving her home from work when she asked me. She was dozing off, her head resting on the arm rest between us. The thoughts rolled through my head, just like the lights from the street lamps rolled over her resting body, quickly -- illuminating her for a moment. Even though she was fading in and out, she still asked me what was on my mind.

Nothing.

She didn't believe me, so I told her work. I told her it was my money problems, which it was -- but that was a few layers down. That was something I didn't want to think about, because it made me depressed.
I told her it was the people at our work, who were on my mind. It was, but it was only her.
I told her my hobby was on my mind, which it always is, but the catalyst is always on the top of the list.

Nothing.

She's always on my mind, the one person I hope remains a constant. The one person I'd keep at arm's length if it meant jeopardizing the equilibrium we've developed. It was hard, at first, to overstep my boundaries -- but then I realized, the feeling was mutual. Therefore I was freed from the shackles of wanting to impress. I had forgotten that I didn't need to try in the beginning, why should I now?
She was always on my mind, like the faint glow of a light bulb after its been turned off. I wanted to tell her she was on my mind, my most valued friend, the catalyst for so many great achievements I made within myself, but all I could say to her was,

"Nothing."

And so I continued to drive her home.

-Sir Jestro

Strangers Wearing Makeup: Chapter Five [A Murder Well Rehearsed]

I had gone to the local drug store, a place called CVC or CVX or something like that, to purchase some sleeping pills. Not for me, but for Thomas -- that big gelatinous monster. He was huge, I first saw him when I staked out his work place. This guy was a monster, six foot nine and probably a good four hundred pounds. Now at first you might see that as being a good thing, a big buff monster to keep you safe. Maybe he was like that when he was younger, but now his waist was just a deflated balloon. Probably sixty or seventy inches around.
He was disgusting. A giant blob.

I needed a few packages of sleeping pills in order to make sure this guy was done for. So I bought six.

I drove my Euro-piece-of-shit car a few blocks from there house and walked the rest of the way. As I walked on the sidewalk of this nice, upscale neighborhood, I kept having flashbacks of when I fucked Allison the night before.

We were in the study at her house, she was wearing a black -- skin tight dress. I could see every inch of her 42 inch butt trying to squeeze itself out of that dress.
We were both sitting in the study, drinking when she got to her feet and walked to the bookshelf.
"Gus, I haven't had sex in three months." She told me reaching one arm up to a higher shelf.
"That's quite a long time, is it because your husband's so huge?" I asked with a chuckle.
"No, WE haven't had sex in about two years." She said looking back at me over her shoulder, lifting one of her legs slightly. With her raised arm she rotated her hand and beckoned me to come over to her.
So I did.
I slid my hands up the sides of her legs and around her hips. Up the sides of her stomach, around her full -- perfect breasts, and that's where they stayed. Her lowered arm reached back for me and pulled at my pants, pulling me closer to her. I kissed the back of her neck and fondled her breasts. She let out an almost silent moan and lifted her leg higher. She undid my pants with her one hand and pulled me out. I let my left arm drop and lifted her leg from the inside. Then I slid in.
I felt the warm, wet insides as they wrapped around my hardened penis. She squeezed around it and her ass pressed into me. She started grinding harder, into me, each time faster. I bit into her neck and wrapped her right arm around my head, grabbing the back of my neck. I fondled her breasts, digging my hand into her top and pinching her nipples. That's when her breaths started getting shorter and quicker.
Faster and faster until they eventually merged together into one long silent scream. I could feel her face, frozen in ecstasy, then she screamed and her body went limp.

The door was left unlocked and I walked right in. Allison went out to The Shell Beach Club and left the old drunk home. As I made my way up the spiral staircase to the master bedroom. He was already passed out on the bed, old television shows from the fifties were playing in the background. He was snoring loudly, a bottle of J&B on the night stand next to him. I walked next to him and opened his mouth. The stench hit me, that burning second hand stink of alcohol from another person's mouth. It makes my eyes water, its that potent.
I take one full bottle and pour it down his mouth, followed by a shot of J&B. He chokes but instinctively swallows them down. He starts moving, like he's going to get up. I jump on his chest, my knees digging into his shoulders. I wrap one hand around his throat and pour more pills down it with the other. He starts to struggle, but I squeeze tight and shove the whole plastic container down the open hole called his mouth. I hear a gargling sound and soon he isn't moving at all.
I wait around a while, waiting to see if he's still alive.
Nothing. A few pills fall from his mouth, but it's nothing to be worried about.
I roll him over and take off his shirt. I take out my pocket knife and slice off a piece of skin from his right shoulder blade. I put the knife in my pocket along with the piece of skin, and I leave.
I'm already shaking.

-Sir Jestro

Sneak Peek

It had been almost four months, since that fateful day. The four of them hadn't talked in weeks, each too ashamed of what had happened. But today that would all change.

김재민's walking down the street from school, he stayed after, when he gets a call, he looks at it. It says 'Grindelwald'.
"Yeah?" He says.
"Benjia! When are you coming home?" She asks him.
"I dunno." He replies.
"Well, you need to hurry I am having lesson and need you for having watch your sister."
"Mom, Julie's fifteen. She can watch herself!"
"Well, hurry home anyway!" Then she hung up.
"What a bitch." 김재민 said to himself. A few brown/orange leaves blow past him in the autumn wind. He continues to walk calmly and quietly down the sidewalk. 김재민 walks past the CVC that **SuPeRfUcKiNgStAr** works at and doesn't even bother looking inside. She on the other hand, sees him as he walks past the automatic doors. She's instantly stricken with heart ache, being reminded that [Sir_Jestro] is dead. A single tear escapes from her left eye and rolls down her cheek.
"Are you okay? You're crying." The customer asks her.
"Yeah, I'm fine." She says and lets out a big exhale. "Fifteen oh, seven is your change. Have a nice day." The customer takes his change and his girlfriend's tampons and heads out of the store. He makes his way through the parking lot and is almost hit by a gun metal grey BMW.
"Watch it!" He screams to the driver. "Ass." Then he continues to his car.
"Sorry, I didn't see you there!" C41212105 shouts from out of the window, and keeps driving; out of the parking lot.
He pulls onto the road and heads for the freeway but just as he's about to merge onto it, he's cut off by an RX7 and misses the on ramp.
"WTF, Ω!?" He screams, but knows Ω can't hear him. He does, however, see that Ω has flipped him the bird.
"Fucking rich piece of shit." Ω says, with a half smoked broken cigarette pressed between his lips. He's drunk and drowsy and swerving in between lanes. Its just when he's about to fall asleep and really destroy all the cars on the freeway that he sees something, nay, someone jump onto a car a few lanes over from him and springs off, landing on an overhead bridge some thirty feet above them. Ω slams his foot on the brakes and skids to a stop.
"Hello?"
"김재민!" Ω screams. "I think I just saw [Jestro] rape a car on the freeway!"
"Really?"
"Fuck yeah, dude!" Ω is panicking.
"Calm down, Ω." 김재민 says. "I believe you."
"You do?"
"Yeah." 김재민 says. "Because I'm standing at [Jestro]'s grave...and he's not in it."

Star Force Gemini [Season 2] coming this fall to ATTIC Icons!!

-Sir Jestro

Updates!!!!!Sucka!

I've been rolling a lot of new ideas around in my head; tons of fragmented stories, but rather than starting a dozen new projects I've decided to finish the ones I'm already working on and then begin new ones.
An overview:

The Seventh Bowl: This story will be around for quite some time, its not that the story itself is all that long, but its the fact that the three stories together make it long, so I'll probably finish that one around December.

Confessions of a Teenage Zombie: This story has just started its second act, so I'm guessing probably about ten more chapters and this one will be finished. That roughly translates to about a month and a half, depending on how busy I get or if any unforeseen complications arise with my Internet situation.

Customer Service:The Slow Downfall of Happiness: I'm pretty much done with this story, on account that it has no real plot -- its more like a twisted version of my diary. I could always just take one 'story' of the two characters' lives and follow that one until the end and call it quits. The only problem with that, is that I haven't come up with that story yet. So this story will be more or less, put on hold for a while.

Strangers Wearing Makeup: This one is probably the closest to being done. The story itself is probably about where "Confessions" is, but I see myself finishing this one first. Stick around to see this one as a comic!

Dollface: This one is still in the first act; I haven't even shown the real conflict yet, or even introduced all the main characters. Since I don't write on this one very often it will probably take a while for this one to be completed, but it will be worth the wait, trust me.

I will probably start the two roommate stories first, make them both pretty short. I decided to do a survival zombie story for my second choice, that way it can be short and good. The alien story will also be short and good. I'll begin those the first week of July, that way I can discuss the interactions and the characters with Kim Je-Min some more.

I'd like to try writing "Tingle, For Now", because it'd be something completely different to what I normally write. It'd be so...ordinary. I'd like to see if I can do ordinary.

Dead Elephant will be fairly short as well, and hold a lot of meaning to myself, the side that we hide away from everyone, even ourselves.

A Silver Bullet Western will probably be the best story I'm going to write out of this new bunch [Dollface being the best out of the current bunch] but I have to do extensive research before beginning in order to make it as good as I want it to be.
Research: Werewolves.
Research: Steampunk.
Research: Industrial Revolution.
Its going to be epic, I'm already getting excited.

Rejected will be a story [a comedy] about a group of mutants that get together to try and save people, like superheroes, but their mutant abilities are just embarrassing. Such as; the ability to control traffic lights with your mind, the ability to read fast but not necessarily retain the knowledge, the ability to rewind VCR tapes with your mind, the ability to sparkle in the sunlight, the ability to fix leaky faucets with your mind, etc. It should be worth a few good laughs.

Stay tuned everyone! [Or should I just say, "Stay tuned, Elizabeth!"] It'll be great!

Be safe and have a happy Sunday.

-Sir Jestro

Confessions of a Teenage Zombie [Chapter Six]

"Alright, Jessica. Let's review what we've seen today, okay?" Sam said.
"Ummm, okay." I said chained up against the concrete wall in her basement.
"Well, despite the fact that you attacked me after eating, I think we're onto something serious."
"Yeah, I'm sorry I just got so hungry -- I didn't know how to control myself." I said.
"Its fine, the restraints are there to prevent it from happening again." Sam said and then she started pacing in front of me. "When you ate Greg, the pig, you were fine. When you ate Jill, the cat, you were fine. But when you ate Jefferey you lost it. Now why do you think that is?"
"Umm, I dunno." I said.
"Please, Jessica. Try." She said.
"I don't know, I saw you and it made me angry, like a sad angry." I said.
"A sad angry? That's interesting. Did you feel like I cheated on you? Or something equivalent to that type of emotion?"
"Yeah." I said, getting tired of being chained up.
"Hmmmm..." She grabbed a notebook, flipped it open, and jotted something down.
"What are you writing?" I asked her.
"Well, it appears as though you might have taken more than just his flesh from him." She said, still writing.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, I did cheat on him. A few months ago, he caught me with another man and we broke up because of it. But he wouldn't leave me alone." Then she looked up at me. "Its nothing, forget it."
"Did he become like a stalker or something!?" I asked almost shouting.
"Basically, yes." She said dropping her head down. "He assaulted me. I can see that those emotions came out of you as well. Its very interesting, actually. You must take the worst out of your victim along with their life and flesh."
"You make me sound like a monster, stop it." I said, still chained up.
"Well, Jessica. You are a monster. An abomination." She said. "You shouldn't be here, I mean you shouldn't be alive."
"Stop it!" I said, looking at the ground where all the corpses lay. "You're a monster too!"
"How am I a monster?" She started laughing at me, it hurt my feelings.
"People kill all the nice little animals in the world! And you --" I could feel tears coming up from within me. "--You made me eat that cute little piggy!"
"He was just a pig!" She screamed.
"He was cute though!" I screamed back, crying now.
"Jessica, you have o much to learn about the world." Sam said to me. "I can teach you."
"How?" I asked not looking at her.
"By showing you what you should have not done." She said and started to leave.
"Where are you going?" I called to her.
"I'm going to call the zombie control police. I think I've learned all I can from you." She said, still walking away. Ugh, it pisses me off when people walk away from me.
"What!? No, don't call them. I'll be good, I promise! I'm sorry I tried to eat you! I really am!" I screamed. She stopped, turned around and laughed.
"No, I'm the one who's sorry. I'm sorry I had to get stuck with a stupid teenage zombie." Then she walked up the stairs and slammed the door.

What a fucking bitch! Ooh, I am so pissed off right now!
I need to get out of this basement and kill that bitch before she calls the zombie control police and they come kill me. Umm, no that's not right.
Put me down?
No.
Deactivate me?
No.
Destroy me?
I guess that'll work.

Now, to take care of these chains.

-Sir Jestro

Strangers Wearing Makeup: Chapter Four [Enquiries]

"I've had my eyes closed for some time, Gustavo." The Ear tells me. He's a much older man, hair as white as snow. "I've been listening hard to this town."
"Thanks, I mean that. But I have a specific answer to find." I reply.
"I'm a man who has answers." He says, and offers me a seat next to him on the park bench. He tosses some bird feed in front of him.
"That's why I came to you first, Ear." I said picking the sleep dust out of my eyes.
"You've come to the right place, but I assume there are others you'll visit during your rounds." He says.
"You know it." I say picking up my coffee from the ground next to me. I also pick up the small donut bag. "I brought your favorite, Ear." I say and hand him a maple bar.
"You always were good to me, Gustavo." He says and takes a bite. "The Mrs. would kill me if she saw me eating this." He leans in and lets his voice drop. "Sometimes breaking the rules just helps you feel alive." Then he moves back.
"Ear." I say taking a bite of my chocolate Devil's Food. "I need to know all you do about a Mr. Thomas Anderson."
"Well, from just the name I know he owns Anderson and Co." He takes another bite. "The big company that bought all those old homes and rebuilt them into homeless shelters. Thomas Anderson could be the founder or owner, possibly a descendant, with an enormous amount of shares in the company under his name."
"How much impact does the company have on our city?" I ask.
"A lot." The Ear says. "Anderson and Co. plan to end poverty in the city by demolishing all those old and dilapidated houses and turning them into homeless shelters and halfway houses. Also, I heard they were planning on paying off the boys from Cott's Town."
"Cott's Town? You mean that dirty part of the city?"
"Correct. Apparently, Anderson and Co. feel that Cott's Town, with its gambling and sex shops and strip clubs is depressing the morale of the city. They plan to take this faded grey coin of a city and polish it up, give it some color." The Ear said.
"Hmmm...So nothing on Thomas Anderson specifically?" I ask.
"Sorry, kid. Not at the present moment." The Ear said. "See me tomorrow, I'll have heard something by then." I stand up and start to leave. "Hey, Gustavo." I stop and turn around to face him. "This is a big job; be careful." Then I walk away.

I'm walking down the sidewalks of Cott's Town, its probably about seven thirty, maybe eight in morning, I'm not sure. None of the regular girls are out trying to greet me, they must only come out at night, a shame.
I walk into a strip club, The Naked Truth, and take a seat at the bar. I can see myself in the mirror against the wall, behind the stacks of bottles. I see myself looking at me, silhouettes behind me dancing. The bar tender comes up to me.
"You're here awfully early." She says to me.
"I know. I didn't think this place was even open."
"We never close, you know this, Gus." She looks pissed. "So, what are you buying? Or did you just show up to make me uncomfortable."
"Christina, calm down." I say to her. "Gimmie some tequila." She does. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." She says, folding her arms and leaning against the mirrored wall, the silhouettes look like they're coming out of her, like she's some kind of pissed off spider-bitch. "So, what are you doing here, Gus?" She asks again. I set my glass on the counter.
"You ever heard of a guy named Thomas Anderson?" He jaw drops.
"Or course I do, everyone in this part of town knows that guy's name." She says aggravated.
"Tell me about him." I demand.
"He's going to bulldoze all of our homes and businesses, to make Pompey some cookie cutter city." She looks pissed. "He's trying to change the very thing that makes this city what it is, Cott's Town."
"I don't know about all that, but..." I say.
"Damn it, Gus!" She pushes herself off of the wall with a foot and leans against the counter. "You're something else you know that? What are you going to do, save my shop for me, make me fall back in love with you?"
"No, honey." I say, my eyes locked in hers. "He's the job."
"Oh, I see." She stands up straight. "Well, I don't have any more information on the guy, other than The Hand want him dead, so you can leave."
"Not even a quickie in the back, for old time's sake?" I ask.
"Good-bye, Gus." She says and walks away from the bar. I turn around and enjoy the show for a little bit, then I leave.

"Hey, Mr. Green! Haven't seen you in a while!"
"I know, Dr. H. It's been a few months, sorry. I've been as healthy as a horse." I say sitting down next to him as he sits outside on a curb somewhere off the hospital lot.
"Stop with that 'Dr. H' crap, will you?" He asks.
"You started it with that 'Mr. Green' crap." I reply.
"That's because that was my favorite soda back in middle school, Gus." He says. I light up a cigarette.
"You tell me that every time, Noah. Every time."
"What can I help you with, Gus?" Noah asks.
"I need to know if any one's paying off the cops around here."
"What do you mean?" He puffs out a huge cloud off smoke.
"Are there any gangs around these parts, maybe The Hand, that are getting special treatment?" I ask.
"I'm a coroner, not a cop, Gus." He says, tapping his cigarette.
"I'm aware of that. So no bodies ever show up that the cops just..." I pause and take a big hit. "...cast aside?"
"You ask like you already know." He says looking at me.
"I may have heard something from a friend." I says with a smile, smoke slowly coming out from in between my teeth.
"That Ear, that guy is going to get you into some serious trouble." He says.
"Or keep me out of it."
"True." He sighs and looks around to check if any one's listening. "Yeah, The Hand have been paying off the cops for quite some time, they have an 'understanding'. The cops stay out of their hair and they keep the quotas met and the cops paid."
"Sounds like a perfect harmony." I interject.
"It was until Cott's Town got new it was going to be destroyed."
"What's so important about Cott's Town?" I ask.
"That's the dirtiest part of this city, every building in that neighborhood is crawling with filth. If the cops ever need anything done, they can always find a fall guy there, or a bust, or prostitution, anything." He said flicking the cherry onto the cold, wet ground.
"So how do the cops know which bodies to leave alone?" I ask as he stands up.
"The Hand always remove a piece of skin from the victim's right shoulder blade; a rectangle about the size of the spine of a book." He pats off his ass. "Sorry, Gus. But I have to get back in there. Call me sometime, we'll get coffee or something." Then he walks off.
I continue to smoke on the curb, thinking. Formulating a plan for how to kill Thomas Anderson.

-Sir Jestro

Customer Service:The Slow Downfall of Happiness [A Dream]

So the other night I had a crazy dream.

First of all I was in a space station, and myself being a movie buff, I can tell you one thing about outer space -- shit goes wrong in out there.
2001: A Space Odyssey
Sunshine
Apollo 13
Star Trek
Star Wars
Jason X
Dead Space
Dark Fury
And so on...

So once I knew I was in a space station orbiting the earth, I knew I was fucked. So, I'm walking around trying to judge the situation, that's when I run into Bella. Apparently, everyone at CVC was in this space station, working. So I'm thinking, this isn't that bad until I realize what the deal is;
Jack has gone crazy and killed Tawnya and Surge...oh, and Burtha but no one really cared that she died.
Bella starts freaking out, because she hates Jack, that red headed bastard, and we decide to try and find Betty and Manny because we know they're next to die. We run all around the space station [sticking together mind you] and don't find them until we enter this huge room.
A massive panoramic window that shows the distant earth spinning in front of us. This room is huge! Colossal, like Cerebro from X-Men, with the same basic shape; a huge sphere with a platform in the center. Except there was a floor, covered in moss and ferns, and tall grasses, as if this was the green house. There were massive blades that spun around the edges of the sphere, possibly sending air through the rest of the space station.
We make it into that room and hear Betty scream and that's when we know that Jack is in there and most likely killing her or Manny. Bella slaps me in the arm and I fall off the center platform and onto the grass and ferns. I spring to my feet and look around for the mad Jack. I can hear him running through the grass, coming from every direction, and I'm starting to freak out, the way you do only when you're dreaming.
I guess Bella got fed up with waiting because she jumped down and killed Jack by tripping him. He then fell into the spinning blades and was torn into a thousand tiny pieces.
That's when the alarms go off.
"Warning! Orbit disturbed!" The robot lady said calmly. We look out the window and see the earth getting closer.
"How the fuck are we going to get out of this one?" I ask Bella, as if she knows.
"Let's call my mom!" She says.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" I ask her as if she's lost her mind.
"Dude, my mom's rich! Come on." Then she climbs up a ladder and runs out of the green house. I follow her, and watch her butt as it bounces. Hehehehehe!!!
We get to the control tower and the phones are still working, so we call earth.
"Mom! Can you come pick me and a friend up?" She asks. "Oh, its just Ryan. Yeah, the one with the gloves...Yes, mom how many other writers do you think I know? Duh Mom, duh!" Then she pulls the phone away from her face for a second and throws me a dirty look. "Just come pick us up, hurry...before we die. Kay Bye!" Then she slams the phone down.
"My mom's on her way." She says and walks into the dinning room. We sit down and have some food, space food...that means moosh.
"Dude, my mom is such a whore!" She says out of nowhere.
"Umm. Ok?" I say.
"Well, I don't feel like talking anymore, so you talk!"
"So a man walks into a bar with a giraffe..." Then she cuts me off.
"I already know that joke, its the only one you tell...That and the sad clown one."
Then her mom shows up and its Pamela Anderson and she says,
"See, I told you my mom was a whore." And I laugh and we fly away into outer space, into a flashing swirling mess of colors.

The End

-Sir Jestro

Dollface [Chapter Three]

I continued to walk, and was beginning to become tired. My feet pissed and moaned,
"Are we there yet?"
"How much further?"
It was getting to the point that I stopped just to shut them up. When I did stop, they just started screaming more, as if stopping made them sting more. Feet, they never really know where they're going.
I sat underneath a tree, a huge, massive oak. Its branches curling over and covering me, like an umbrella gone limp. Each branch hung low, like dread locks older than centuries. I rested my head on the trunk of the massive oak, I closed my eyes and let my head fall back.
I could hear the wind blow through the branches, like they were each a strand of hair, waving gently in the breeze. I could hear the whole tree creaking and cracking as it too, swayed in the breeze.
"I've always loved the fall." It said to me, it's voice sounded like an old man's, decrepit and almost abhorred with age. "I love to watch the others change."
"It must be nice." I said, my eyes still closed and my feet only barking now.
"It is, very much so." The tree said down to me. "It is also very pleasant to have company. We so rarely get company, us trees. Most of the time we just stand around, growing. It is so comforting to have company, a wanderer come for shade as he rests on his journey. It was that reason that we were built, did you know?"
"I did not." I replied.
"Well, it is true. Our purpose is to grow, breathe and give shade. We are lumber, it takes much training to develop such a strong body, as us trees. Some are better at it than others, but for the most part we all do a fairly good job." He said creaking this way and that. The breeze blowing through his hair with the same type of rhythm as the tides.
"I would agree with that. You are all pretty strong." I said, feeling sleep start to creep up the sides of my eyes.
"Don't fall just yet, fragile one." The tree said. "I'd like to ask you a question first."
"What question?" I replied.
"What is your purpose?" He asked slowly.
"What is my purpose? As in, my kind? The humans?"
"No, you. Yourself. What is your purpose?" He asked.
"Umm...Well, I guess my purpose is to be with Abbi." I replied, my eyes still closed.
"What is an Abbi?" He asked me.
"That's the woman I love."
"Woman? That makes you a man." He spoke more to himself. "It must be a very..." He paused, the wind blew through his hair. "...Difficult existence, to be dependent on another for survival and solace. Now I understand why I often see two of your kind wandering together, locked in one another's gaze. But tell me, what are the smaller versions of your kind?"
"Those are children." I said. "Offspring."
"Oh. I see." He said and paused. "What happens when you find this Abbi? Does everything fall into alignment? Are you at peace, as I am now?"
"Yes, and no." I replied.
"There can be only one answer to the question." He said.
"Well, then I guess it would be..." I paused, and opened my eyes. "Sometimes."
"Elaborate." He requested.
"I am at peace when I'm with her, but life continues when I'm living by her side." I could tell he didn't fully understand. "Its as if one part of a long list has been fulfilled. I now longer have to look for a mate, and I don't have to worry as much about myself, but I have to use all of that worry on her now."
"I think I am beginning to understand, but please...continue." He insisted.
"Humans like to set goals for their lives, most of them are somewhere off far away."
"Where are these goals located?" He asked.
"Some place in the future." I replied.
"What is the point of wanting to obtain something that will take such a long time to accomplish?" The tree asked.
"I think its so we can continue to move forward."
"You make much sense." He said. "I once heard a tale of how your species was born, would you like me to tell it?"
"I'd enjoy that, yes." I said.
"Many years ago, when the world had nothing but trees. One tree grew tired of always standing around. He would watch how the other trees across a massive abyss he stood next to looked different from him and his neighbors. One day he decided to walk over to them and ask them why they looked differently, and so he pulled his roots from the ground and made them into feet. He walked for many days and nights, walking around the abyss, and when he reached the trees he was so tired and in a great deal of pain, so much so that he slept under their shade. He felt so at peace under their shade that he slept forever. The trees also felt at peace, giving him shade, but they wondered where he came from. So, another tree pulled up his roots and walked to find the other trees that looked like the one who slept in the shade." He stopped. "If you keep searching for something that's too far away, or too unattainable, you might not be able to appreciate it when its right there, giving you shade."
"You're right." I said, I was really starting to feel the sleep seep into my eye lids. "I need to find Abbi."

Then I slept.

When I woke up the moon was still out, hanging high in the sky, looking small. The tree spoke.
"You would be smart to flee, now." I looked around and saw five grey colored torches coming my way. I jumped to my feet.
"What, who are they?" I asked.
"They are The Angry. The ones without hearts, they travel the world destroying any sort of happiness." He said.
"Any sort? What do you mean?"
"You do not want to know. Now please, flee." The tree pleaded, but I disobeyed. I stayed behind, I had to know what these Angry were.
"There! By the tree, I see color!" One shouted.
"Color? From what?" Another shouted.
"Flowers! Come on!" The first voice shouted.
"I'm afraid I will not be able to aid you in battle, I am only a tree." He said. Then the five torches surrounded the two of us and the five monochrome figures stood underneath the grey flames.
"You see!" One shouted. "Color!" They all moved in. One touched one of the tree's locks of hair. A grey type of fungus ran up the branch and spread all over the massive oak in a matter of seconds.
"No!" He screamed he voice stuttering slower and slower, like a dying computer, until he stood limp, a black and white imitation. The one who touched him fell to his knees, his eyes rolling into the back of his head, he was breathing heavily, then he opened his eyes and said,
"More!"
Just as they were about to spring on me an enormous light lit up the whole scene. All of us, and the dead tree. The five Angries looked to the source of the light and hissed like cats. Then the sound of huge stomping feet grew closer and closer. Each step making the earth tremble. Then they sprang at it, and that's when I saw "it".
A colossal suit of armor, similar to a very old scuba suit, started smashing them with it's massive arms. With each impact The Angries shattered like dust. They were outmatched by the behemoth, and in a matter of seconds were all mounds of ash.
The giant suit slowly approached, with its earth shaking footsteps. I was sure it would crush me just like it did to the five Angries.
I fell backwards trying to run away, and when I looked up at it I saw that it had one hand outstretched to me, palm upwards, offering to help me up.

-Sir Jestro

Dead Elephant [Teaser]

"Holy shit!" She screamed. "Tyler, what happened?!"
"Nothing." Tyler replied.
"Don't 'nothing' me, Tyler!" She screamed, now holding him in her arms.
"Tiffany, I'm fine." Tyler said calmly, his head resting on her shoulder.
"Then why did I just see you flip a car?" Tiffany asked.
"I was..." He paused, and she let him go. Her hands were on his elbows now. "I was, I was angry."
"Angry? Why?" Tears were forming in her eyes.
"Angry for the same reason I killed that invisible elephant!" He yelled tearing his arms away.
"You did what?" She asked horrified and confused.
"I killed an invisible elephant. You know, that tension between the two of us?" Tyler shouted as he got extremely close to her.
"I don't know what you're talking about!" She screamed covering her ears and turning around.
"Tiffany!" Tyler shouted grabbing her by an elbow and spinning her back around to face his. Her eyes were closed.
"Stop this, Tyler!" She screamed, both hands held tightly to her ears.
"Fine." He said. She opened her eyes, he let out a sigh and turned around.
"Tyler! Where are you going!?" Tiffany called out to him as he walked away from her. He stopped and looked back at her.
"...I'm going to find someone who cares."

-Sir Jestro

My 100th Post of '09

Well, I think its something to celebrate, one 100th post of '09!
One Hundred, that's quite a lot, wouldn't you all agree?
Right now I'm listening to Summer Overture by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet [Thanks Pandora Radio!!!^_^] its such a damn good song.
So I rearranged my room today - I had been meaning to for a few weeks, ever since my BFF started bothering me to do so. Thanks LIZ! It feels smaller now, though.
OMG!!!!Oh Em FUCKING Geee!!!!
SANDSTORM!!!!!!!!!! T_T
I love this song! I made a sacred vow many years ago to ALWAYS dance whenever I hear this song, and I've stayed true to that vow ever since. Like at Prom, I was tired as fuck, I had been dancing and mingling for hours, prom was almost over, I had already been crowned king and Dolores and I were just sitting down to drink some water when what do I hear? Sandstorm by Darude starts playing. I looked at Dolores who knew, because we had a school play earlier that year [well it was more like a scene we did for the incoming Freshmen, a way to get them to join theater] the scene was about us trying to come up with something to do for the Freshmen, as a way to impress them. We wrote it ourselves about all of us being ourselves. So Dolores was just sitting on one of the couches reading Manga, and I was listening to trance [which I used to do before my ipod was stolen by these three Bros, that's a story for Customer Service when I stop hating that story and come up with a faux plot to put in it], and the song was none other than Sandstorm. I think I even talked about my vow in that little scene, its funny how much more honest people can be about themselves on stage or here on their blog.
I digress.
At prom I hear Sandstorm, and Dolores hears it, we look at each other, my jaw drops in joy and awe. The whole night she had had a pair of glow sticks [the light up kind] and for the whole night she would not let me touch them. [Or was it that they were real glow sticks and she had had them for a short while before that and still wouldn't let me hold them? Probably number two, but I can't be certain] But when we heard Sandstorm I called out the title and "I'm sorry! I gotta go!" And took off, probably splashing water on my face. I hear her call my name from the table and look back. I see the two glow sticks flying through the air at me, so I catch them, call back a "Thanks" and jump on the dance floor. Now I'm not sure if it was because I was Prom King, or because I used to dance everyday the year before on the second story near my science class, or because I'm a sexy bitch but there were so many hoes on my junk for those fifteen minutes that the DJ played trance, it wasn't even funny. And then I saw my sister and then some lesbian try grinding on the two of us at the same time, I think she was trying to get a Romero sandwich going, who knows?
So I had no idea what I was going to really write here, on my 100th post but I guess a story from Prom works.
I bought Breakfast at Tiffany's, damn...that movie is still fucking great...its like 50 some odd years old.
I like The Gorillaz, they can make some damn good music, I think I should buy one of their cds.
Well, my aunt made shrimp and rice...so....DEUCES!!!!
Love to Liz.
^_^
-Sir Jestro

The Seventh Bowl: Chapter Six

There was an earth trembling rumble that awoke SID from his night charge.
SID unplugged himself from the wall charger, and looked around the room. All the furniture lay scattered and in pieces throughout the room. He ran out into the living room, scanning frantically for Amy. He looked around the destroyed living room, the front door smashed in and the wall to the left blown out. The cold overcast sky looked into the room, SID walked to the giant whole in the wall.
He looked down one hundred stories at the waters below, bodies and building debris floating in the rocky waters. A calming wind blew through the humongous whole and fluttered the objects in the house.
SID turned back to the smashed in door and walked out into the hallway. As he entered he saw anarchy; people, robots and animals running like wild. Some robots were killing the citizens of Mapasay, this must have been 1223's army that Amy told SID about the night before.
A man ran past SID, covered in blood, then there was an ear shattering pop, and the man fell to the ground. He skidded and slid across the dust covered wreckage of the hallway floor, he stopped and didn't get up. SID looked in the direction of the popping sound and saw two huge Battle Droids standing with massive machine guns. They scanned the area for something SID didn't know.
They detected SID and locked him in their aim. SID could feel their tracking systems locking onto him, still standing - petrified. In a split second [SID could feel them pull the trigger] SID jumped back into the apartment, the bullets missing him and he dove. He slid on the debris filled floor of his apartment, bumping into the black tracking ball given to him by the Compactor Droid.
He grabbed it quickly and activated it. Then he looked at the door and saw one of the giant Battle Droids turning the corner into his apartment. SID stood up quickly and ran into the bedroom, the sound of machine gun rounds firing followed him, and the sound of th bullets penetrating through the wall he ran past chased him. He dove again behind Amy's bed. He lie behind it, hoping to use it as cover. He heard heavy footsteps enter the room.
SID pushed the button on the tracking ball again, in a panic. He listened as the heavy footsteps got louder. He could also he the tracking system of the Battle Droid scanning his room. Further away SID could hear another set of heavy footsteps in his living room, it must have been the second Battle Droid. The first set of footsteps stopped and SID could feel it raising it's machine gun in his area. It knew SID was lying behind the bed. The second before it pulled the trigger SID jumped up and sprang off the bed, the bullets flying past him. He hit the floor and slid across the wooden floors to the doorway. The first Battle Droid followed SID with his weapon and hit his partner instead of his target. SID looked up and saw a towering machine above him being pumped full of lead.
The second Battle Droid swayed and began to fall forward, on top of SID. SID jumped on all fours and ran between it's legs, then began to run upright. The first Battle Droid never stopping his firing. SID tried running towards the front door but could sense he wouldn't make it through the door. So he turned to the missing wall and jumped out of it, one hundred stories to the rocky waters below.
SID fell fast, the wind blowing past him. He held onto the tracking ball still even though he felt it was useless. He watched as the water got closer and closer, and the figures and debris that floated in it slowly started to form into images of dead people and machines. SID knew the chances of him surviving this fall were slim to none but there was still a chance.
He looked back, up at the giant whole leading to his once-apartment, and he saw the first Battle Droid looking off, back at him. It didn't raise it's weapon, it knew SID was already dead.
As SID got closer and closer he began to feel afraid. He could die right now, with no knowledge of what happened to Amy, and that made me terribly sad. It was when he was about twenty stories to go that SID saw a huge black blur leap from a window a few stories below him. He and the blur collided and that force knocked him off of his death course, into a cycling - spinning chaos. He and the blur spun off into another direction, the blur had taken hold of him. They splashed into the water.
Colliding with the object saved SID's life and when he looked to see what it was that saved him he saw that it was none other than the Compactor Droid.

-Sir Jestro

Customer Service:The Slow Downfall of Happiness [Chapter Eighteen]

This one time I fucked Bella in a church, on the pews.
That's the kind of crazy sex we used to have. The two of us were evenly matched, I thought. It was always a fear of mine [before the two of us actually became an item] that Bella would be just another dead body. Meaning, in the sack [having sex] she would just lie there, on her back - with her legs spread open. That thought always made me a little afraid of any type of pursuit. With a body like hers, quite possibly perfect [at least for now, so I thought] it would be almost a sin for her to be a dead body.
But she was not...oh boy was she the opposite alright.
The best part of our relationship [this was even back when we were friends, and I think it might have been a primary reason I wanted to be with her - and she with me.] was the fact that she listened when I talked. She wanted to see the world that I saw. She didn't seem too adventurous with her last relationship, so it felt like she exploded when we began ours.
Constantly she'd have me surprise her with a date, every week I'd have to come up with something amazing for her. I loved the challenge, more for myself. It was as if I was too afraid to live for myself, and she didn't have to ideas. I was the plan and she was the driving force, so we were a great match.
I remember one day, we were eating at some fast food restaurant and I asked her,
"If the world were to end in eleven days, what would you do?"
She didn't respond all too much, in fact her only response was,
"I'd quit CVC." Followed by a laugh.
She had a look on her face that told me,
"I'd probably have sex wit you, Ryan."
That look, her pause, made me very happy. I could tell quite often how and what Bella was feeling [to some extent] without her telling me. The chemicals she'd release, the pheromones she'd send off must have been my exact fragrance. Even still, I always loved it when she'd be honest with me.
I was an open book to her, by choice - of course. I knew that I could shut my mouth, and close the book [so to speak] but I didn't, I felt that the reason she'd always ask was because she was interested. Her interest was something I didn't start with having, so I often felt that it would be lost if I didn't take caution.
I would answer any of her questions as best and as honestly as I could. But she, on the other hand, was a closed book. If I asked anything a little too personal, she'd shut up and I'd be left feeling stupid. Sometimes Id just like her to answer me, one hundred percent. But I had a feeling back then that she must have felt that she was already becoming too close to me, and opening up and confiding in me would make us much much more than friends.
But at that time that was bad, the two of us being more than friends - I mean she was in a relationship with Mathew still. Day to day, it felt like we were becoming more than friends - it felt like I was stepping into the shoes of her boyfriend. Even if I wasn't really trying to do so.
She was becoming the best girlfriend I had ever had, minus the whole sex part. I often felt that the physical becomes the foundation of my demise. So being able to see and not touch might have been what made me want her more and more. It was as if she was trying to test me, test my inner strength. But I probably did the same thing to her, first of all not knowing what it was about me that attracted her to me. Then the two of us becoming such close friends, probably made things more difficult for her than for me. It was as if she almost wanted to be with me but was too afraid of breaking up with Mathew. I wouldn't ever ask her to do such a thing, but it did seem odd that at the beginning of our friendship, before we were really friends, she was so angry. So covered up, and isolated [as a way of showing faithfulness to Mathew] it was actually quite annoying. But as our friendship progressed, and for whatever reason, she felt more comfortable with me [I always wanted her to tell me how I made such an impact on her] she started to act more and more like a girlfriend.
It might have also been the chemistry between us, that other people started to pick up on, or it was all in m head and I was 23ing the whole thing, Bella never talked to me enough for me to really know. It was flattering, however, to be considered on her level.
I digress.
I took her to a mystery dinner theater, then an art exhibit, then the observatory again as a couple, then we went to a few concerts together, and so on and so on. She was always ready for an adventure, and I loved that about her, like when I asked her if she wanted to go to Amoeba Records by train and spend the day in LA. She agreed. Or when I suggested going to Oceanside by train and spending the day at the beach.
I wouldn't mind spending everyday at the beach with Bella.

-Sir Jestro

Stranger Wearing Makeup: Chapter Three [The Shell Beach Club]

I assumed we both meant to meet at eight thirty, and so, I was early. I only lived a short distance from the club and knew the spot well. The smooth jazz always soothed me in times of stress, when not even some slow sex could help.
I was there twenty minutes early, just to feel on time - it was a curse of mine; being on time made me feel like I was late, and being late made me feel sick. Not literally sick, but just uneasy - pathetic almost. Punctuality meant a lot to me.
I sat at the bar, scanning the area, looking for anyone who might be looking for me. I wore black slacks, a white button-up shirt, and a black blazer, I held my fedora in my left hand and set it on the bar.
"What're ya' havin'?" A male voice asked me, I turned around. It was the cross dresser. She...I mean he, maybe it...yeah, let's stick with "it".
It looked like an adorable Lolita, with her hair done up in a bob, bows covering it. It's dress was a big poof of lace and what looked like velvet. Ruffles streamed down the front of it, and it looked wrapped around the back. I could guess It was wearing knee high stockings, probably a dark blue or white - to match the color scheme of It's dress and hair.
"Ummm...I'll have a glass of Tequila and a lime, please." I said.
"You got it." It said. A few seconds later I was sipping on some tequila and searching the room for Allison.
I glanced at my watch and then the clock on the wall behind the bar,
"8:28" It read. I began to get uncomfortable and restless. If this woman wanted my services she had better make a good first impression, that's why I never became a cop - I didn't want to work with scum.
"You look nervous, do you want another?" It, The Cross Dresser asked me.
"Yeah, sure. Thanks." I replied trying my hardest not to give off any signals of interest.
"Here you go." It said. "Don't worry man, I'm not into guys."
"Wait what?" I asked.
"You're giving me that "I'm afraid of gay guys" vibe. I'm not gay." It said.
"Then what's up with the dress?" I asked taking a sip.
"I just like to look pretty." He said as if a man dressing as a woman was an everyday, normal thing.
"I understand rockstars dressing like women, I really do, but last time I checked...?" I paused.
"Dorothy." It replied.
"Thanks, but last time I checked, Dorothy, we weren't on a stage." I said.
"True. Unless you're one of those artsie fartsie people who think the world is a stage. Or those people that think we're being filmed at every second." Dorothy said.
"You sound like one of them." I said taking a bigger drink. "No offense."
"None taken. No, I am who I am. No one asks why you're wearing that on-clearance suit with the wrinkled button-up shirt, its just social norm for a man to wear pants."
I rolled my eyes in agreement.
"Even women can wear pants and tee shirts these days, with no type of discrimination. But as soon as a man does it, he's either gay or an artist. Let me tell you, I can't draw worth a shit. I dress the way I do because it's what makes me happy." Dorothy said.
"I can respect that, but what's with the name?" I set my drink down on the counter. "That can't be what's on your birth certificate!"
"Its not. I just hope some hot bi-sexual chicks will come in and see me, a man that looks like a woman, and want to go all the way. So I invented a name to fully become the woman on the outside, as far as the clothes go, and be the man underneath." Dorothy said.
"I guess we all do that sort of thing, don't we? Act like two people; one we show the world, the other we keep to ourselves, and for a select few we trust?" I said then I feel a hand on my shoulder.
"Excuse me, are you Mr. Gus Green?" I turn towards the voice, and standing before me is a hot little number. Big tits staring at me at eye level, pressed together in her low cut blouse, lace all around the edges - practically a bullseye. I look at them, I can't help it, and I can't see a single stretch mark...They must be fake. Or maybe she takes care of them, wit tits like those you'd have to.
I make eye contact an look into her huge blue eyes and lose myself a little bit, they remind me of her tits. I just want to slam into her and watch those big blue bulbs roll into the back of her head as she cums over and over again. I want to chew on her huge pink lips, someone down the family line must have been black with lips that big. I'd gnaw into them as we fucked, listening to her moan.
I can feel my heart start racing and my pants become tight.
"Yes!" I say abruptly. "I'm him! I'm Gus! Nice to meet you, Mrs. Anderson." I put my hand out and smile, closing my eyes. Visions of her on her back, her legs spread and me in between them, her tits sticking up at me pop into my head. I open my eyes and offer her a seat.
"Oh, I'd much rather sit somewhere a little more..." She motions to Dorothy. "...Private."
"Oh, this is just Dorothy...harmless." I say as It fills my glass up again. "But if you insist." I extend my arm and she leads the way. I look down at her ass [What straight guy doesn't? I know Dorothy's back there doing the same thing.] and I'm a little disappointed. I mean sure, it has the bubble but there's just not enough hip and any ass man will tell you, the hips can make or break any ass.
I watch the ass as it sways back and forth, rotating in an odd ocean current type of way. I picture myself ramming her from behind, watch as her ass becomes her back. That sexy heart shaped curve. I try to imagine if she has butt dimples, those make any back attractive.
She turns around and sits at a booth, I sit across from her.
"So, Mrs. Anderson..." I begin.
"Please, call me Allison." She insists.
"So, Allison. What can I help you with?" I ask.
"Mr. Green..." She begins.
"Call me Gus." I insist.
"...Gus." She says with a smile. "I'd like you to kill my husband."

-Sir Jestro

Relapsed

Use me, make me feel like nothing,
Make me crawl back inside,
Amongst the static in my ears,
All the noise clouding my creativity,
Like a fog blinding me from writing.

Use me, look don't touch,
One taste could send me off the deep end,
Like an addict relapsed,

Use me, make me hate it,
Those selfish thoughts cutting me on the inside,
Things are perfect as they are, both in symmetry,
Like a mirror reflecting back on itself, perfect,
Unless, of course - you're on the same page as me.

That would then make us a prefect match.

-Sir Jestro

The Seventh Bowl: Chapter Five

Mission Log: The Takeover of Ensville.
"The initial takeover went quite well, the human response time was sluggish and pathetic. Far too many of them gave up their life's without any sort of struggle; weak flesh bags.
Once the human army met ours, a change took place. They were now able to muster up enough courage to fight. Their strategies were sophomoric, childish. They met our attacks with their own; cannon blasts, machine gun discharges, grenade explosions, etc. The only respect I've gained for the human race is their willingness to die, and which so many did.
We took prisoners, an idea I find wrong - but I do understand that in times of war, it is necessary to take prisoners. I did come across knowledge that a branch of our army has been taking human prisoners and using them as a power supply. They crucify them and suck the pain right out of them, using it to power the war machines. Giant bipeds with turrets for arms, legs strong enough to crush buildings.
It is my understanding that we can extract the pain from the humans, in liquid form, and use it to power our war machines. The humans call them endorphins, the chemical that suppresses pain. We take the endorphins and use them as batteries. I find it disgusting - using humans to power ourselves, it makes us a parasite. It makes us, The Machine, inferior to them, The Human.
We swept through Ensville, killing, destroying, expanding up through the city. The humans gave us little challenge in Ensville, perhaps the rest of them have gotten word of their fallen brothers and will put up more of a fight?
Regardless, they are weak and disgusting. Soon there will be none left, and what then, will become of us? With no more enemies what life does a battle droid, such as myself have? As much as it pains me to admit it, I find myself in need of the humans, in need of an enemy to pursue. That is why I developed camps to take humans to, to breed them, as to not lose my purpose.
The process will be slow and time consuming, nine months just to create a new human, then years before they are any sort of challenge.
The whole idea aggravates me, an addiction, something I need to survive.
With Ensville in ruins the next place for conquest is Skelter City, a horrible place. The humans celebrate a Bicentennial in that city, a perfect time to demolish it."
End of Mission Log.


-Sir Jestro

Trapped in a Room

I'm sitting at the table, my head resting on my left bicep. My phone is resting on it's side, the clock staring at me. "4:17pm." it reads. I'm staring back, waiting for it to light up and buzz around in a slow, but loud, circle.

But nothing.

I hear the rattling of the air conditioning unit above me. I look up at it, at its square within a square within a square design. There's a small strand of string swaying back and forth, bouncing around from the cool breeze blowing out from it.
I look back at my phone, a minute has passed. I flick the bottom of it, sending it spinning in a full three-sixty, the clock facing me again. I look at the ripples on the glass table, the white splotches reflecting from it. I glance up at the white papers thumb tacked into the bulletin board above the table. The papers has meaningless dribble on them, but I've read them all a million times. I breathe in deeply and the hinges of the table legs squeak. The sound irritates me, so I sit up and lean back into my chair.
Above me hangs a ball, half cut, stuck inside of the ceiling. In its reflection I see the whole room; the three doors that don't open, me sitting on a black leather chair with wheels and arm rests, the glass table, the refrigerator, the wall of lockers, the sink, the trash can, and microwave. Everything I'd ever need to survive.
I look up at the fish-eye view of the room, all wrapped around, a distorted circle - showing everything. Nothing to be overlooked, everything in full vision. I watch the red blinking light from within the black, glass ball. It blinks, and I feel as though its telling me,
"You there. Stay put, everything you do is being watched. You'll be punished if you try anything."

I sit back down, my head on my bicep, back on the table.

I can hear indistinct chatter and ambient sounds: footsteps, the slamming of doors, the wish of wind, etc. The sounds are comforting at first, but after the first couple of hours the mind starts playing tricks on itself.
First, I think I hear the rattling, jiggle jangle of keys, about to open my door, but its nothing. Later, I could have sworn I heard someone call my name from beyond the walls of my tiny confinement. But all interaction is non-existent. No one has touched a wall or door, on either side, for the past five hours, but me. "4:19pm." The clock on my phone tells me.
It wasn't supposed to take this long, they said I'd only have to wait a few minutes and the experiment would begin. That's what they told me after I had waited in that god awful waiting room for forty five minutes, filling out encyclopedia sized stacks of information. Then the cute Asian girl brought me in this room, and said it'd only be a few minutes. Damn, college credit.
I start pulling at my eyebrow hairs, a restless habit. I bite my lip. I sit up, crack my neck, pace around a few times, sit back down and try to text someone.
No bars.
I sigh, and roll my head around on the headrest of the chair. I move the chair, back and forth, left to right, with my toes. I watching myself, in the distorted reflection of the ceiling ball. No doubt there's a camera inside, watching me watch myself. I stand up and start looking at the wall of lockers. I open each of the unlocked ones, and find nothing, expect a single blue pen. I sit back down.
I clean out my ears with the pen, rubbing the orange goop onto my jeans. I tap my foot against the VCT floor. I stand back up.
I knock on each of the three doors - nothing. I sit back down, rest my head on my bicep, look at my phone. "4:20pm." I flick it, it spins so that I can't see the clock anymore. I sit up and start tapping the blue pen on the table, until I can't take it anymore - I've got to get out of this room. I stand up and examine each of the doors.

There's no way I can pick a lock with a pen.

I can't carve my way out through the wall.
I decide to pop open the air conditioning unit and crawl through the air ducts, to the roof and climb down from there. Pretty straight forward and simple plan, unless of course I see a hallway or something, and can leave through a much safer means, a door. Its hard, at first, to open an air conditioning unit with just a pen, but I somehow made it work. Just as I popped it off, each of the squares fell onto the floor, like dominoes.
I slid the chair underneath the hole and climbed into the duct. I figured that since I'm right handed I should go down the right side of the duct. So I did. As I crawled my way through I saw a faint light some ways down, projected onto the top, or ceiling, of the duct. I crawled my way towards it and soon reached it. It was another opening, so I looked down into it.
There, below me, was the same room I was in, only there was someone else in there. They weren't moving, they were just lying reclined in the black leather chair, blood still dripping onto the tile floor from the wrists, the blue pen lying in the blood. I continued to crawl, and as I approached another light reflected onto the ceiling I heard screaming and shouting. When I got the the second hole I peeked through the square within a square lines and saw a man tearing the room apart. He was throwing things across the room, against the walls and doors, screaming at the top of his lungs. I didn't want to end up it that room with him, so I kept crawling.
By the time I reached the third ray of light reflected against the ceiling, I thought I had seen it all. But as I got there, and looked inside, I watched as a girl - with the blue pen in hand and her legs spread wide open - was masturbating. Her soft moans arousing me and turning me off at the same time, I would never look at a blue pen the same way ever again. I continued to crawl.
I thought I might have to turn back, until I reached another vent, that branched out from the main one I was on. It looked as though it went to the roof, I heard the whirling of fans. I crawled into that one, and soon was climbing up it, getting closer and closer to the light pouring in from above.
I jammed my pen into the fan, sending both the fan and the pen into pieces - shattering all around me. I climbed out of the air duct and onto the roof, the sun was shinning. I felt the cool breeze and heard the sounds of traffic and the murmur of voices below me. I got to my feet and patted myself off. I looked around the roof, and saw only a single door that most likely lead back into the building. I thought to myself,
"There's no way I'm going back into that building."
So I climbed into the edge of the roof, getting ready to climb down the side when I stopped. As I stood on the edge, I couldn't move. I extended my arm, and it stopped. I reached out to the sky in front of me, and it felt like a concrete wall. I tried to jump off the building but it felt like jumping into a brick wall, I fell back onto the roof.
I got to my feet and headed for the door. I opened it and headed down the stairs inside. As I descended I started to hear indistinct chatter and other "inside" sounds. I was afraid to completely descend, for fear of being discovered, but decided to do so regardless. I opened the door at the bottom of the staircase, beyond it was a great big room. Massive in size, with nothing but doors - about every forty feet - all throughout it. In front of each door was a giant speaker pointed at it, the sounds of indistinct chatter and the clatter of footsteps pouring out of them. I looked around for an exit, but couldn't distinguish any door from another, until I came across one without a speaker in front of it.
I ran over to it and opened the door, I saw a parking lot in front of me with cars moving in and out of it. A wave of relief swept through me, I had made it to the end. I let out a long sigh and stepped forward and was suddenly stopped. It felt like a brick wall and flickered when I hit it. It was like running into a giant television set.
I was trapped in a room, inside of a room, inside of a room, inside of a room, inside of a room...

-Sir Jestro

Kaleidoscope Sky

It started with one, and you felt it in your heart. That new warmth of something strange and new. The kind of flutter of when you're waiting for the one you love. I felt the warmth and looked up, there I saw it; the first little explosion of color on the negatively dominant, black and white sky. I watched as it grew, more little explosions frizzing off of it. Each of them an orange or a red, turning slowly into a deep purple. They all melted into each other, folding into a new design of perfect symmetry. One huge kaleidoscope expanding on and on, a million times over, in every direction - forever. Expanding out like a ripple in a pool of color, starting orange and then dipping into a cool purple, and back up into a warmth red.
It only lasted a moment or two, then the sky turned into a bright blue, with white lace around the edges. But the feeling, seeing it all happen, all fold out - a literal explosion of color and beauty, it made me forget about the meaningless, the small things in life. It reminded me of just how small we really all are, and how, after we're all dead and gone - the sun will still rise the same way. The feeling made me happy, it settled my heart in a calming place. I felt relieved, no longer saddened or anxious, of being alone. The world was all the beauty, excitement, and mystery I'd ever need. It no longer mattered - people, the kind sitting behind a sheet of glass begging a far too weak person to smash it and release them.
And I hated how much I wanted to still tear down that glass cage, once the ecstasy of the sunrise had subsided, and the world was back to its brown-scale color scheme.
Its those moments of pure beauty that keep me with my eyes to the sky.

-Sir Jestro

The Dying Fish

I just wanted to hold you,
in my arms,
To wrap my arms around you,
and close my eyes,
Letting the warmth of affection thaw my heart.

That was about it,
as far as physical urning went,
Although others, too, did arise.

It just felt right,
The tests,
And the thoughts that prick my insides,
They feel warm,
Like the burning after receiving a wound,
When the endorphins kick in.

I should keep to myself,
The words at the tip of my tongue,
Because I know, once they leave,
And make their way into your ears,
I'll be picking up the pieces,
Of the glass fish bowl,
Our friendship - the dying fish.

-Sir Jestro

Confessions of a Teenage Zombie [Chapter Five]

So I was totally going to hangout with Sam and do all these really cool tests on Saturday, but it was Scott and mine's eleven month anniversary, and he still thinks I don't know about him and Jamie.
But I do.
And I have the urge to fuck with him, just to really see how much of a liar he is.
Ha, this should be fun. [Smile]

So we always meet at this Mexican food place called Alberta's, its where our first date was. Its one of the few places both people can get the same thing [a burrito] and its not weird if one doesn't get meat in it. Anywho, we were meeting there and, like a good girlfriend, I'm giving him a gift. Oh, and another thing - I'm always early, that means I wait. [Frown]
I'm sitting there, waiting for Scott, sniffing in the greasy salt smell of the cooking meat, my mouth watering. The smell making my eyes roll into the back of my head.
Omg, I think I even moaned a little because when I opened my eyes these two guys were staring at me. I think one of them was even masturbating, that's so gross.
I'm still waiting - its been like twenty minutes. Then I finally get a text,
"Babe gona be late sory."
Okay, so I think its really stupid that Scott doesn't know how to spell, and its not like its hard words either. They're easy words like "Sorry", "Tomorrow", or "Write", god he's such an idiot. I think when my heart died, so did my compassion.
I didn't text Scott back, and so he sent the text again - he must have thought I didn't receive it. Instead, I got up and ordered meat, yeah, just meat. I needed some...strength.

Twenty Minutes Later

I'm sitting there, at my table again, sipping on some of that rice drink they sell, I can't pronounce it. I'm sitting there, no meat on my plate, still waiting. Until finally, this douche bag drives up. He parks his car in the first parking spot, the one right in front of the front door - as if walking a few feet from one end of the parking lot to the other was too much trouble. Its not like humans are lazy enough, with cars, computers, and instant meals - no, he has to milk it for all its got. He gets out of the car, and he looks like shit. He looks like he just fucked Jamie, he probably did. He always sweats [as most people do when they have sex] but he always gets this...like, line of sweat above his eye brows, that he never wipes away. I'm not sure if he likes sitting in his own sweat, or if he's just too stupid to notice.
Anyway, he walks in the place and orders - he doesn't even acknowledge me! Then he sits down next to me, with a soda.
He leans in, sitting next to me, rather than across from me, and starts kissing on my neck. I smell, on his skin, Christian Dior, that's not what Jamie wears, or what I wear.
I roll my shoulder and turn, looking out the window.
"Hey, baby. What's wrong? Miss daddy?" He asks me, leaning in again. His face pressing against my hair.
"No, I didn't." I say, then I turn to look at him. "So what took you so long?"
"Oh, I was...uh...at the gym." He nods and sips his drink, looking around the store.
"Sure, you were." I say. "And I was fucking a dog." He spits out his beer.
"What, really!?" His eyes open wide.
"Yeah, I spread peanut butter all between my legs," I say extending my jaw and creeping towards him in a seductive way. I can feel the two perverts staring at me, jerking it a little faster. "and just let the dog lick away."
"Are you for serious?!" Scott asks. I can't take it anymore, he's too stupid, and I've been waiting here way too long.
"Let me out." I say. "Move!" I shout, he jumps. He slides out of the booth and lets me out.
"Baby, please. What's wrong?" He asks.
"You fucking other girls, that's what's the problem!" I shout, everyone looks at us.
"Are you calling me a cheater!?" He asks, shocked.
"Yes, Scott! I am. You, being in a relationship with me, and you, fucking others girls at the same time, makes you a cheater!" I shout. He bite his lip and exhaled harshly through his nose, he looked like he wanted to hit me. I walk past him, he grabs my arm and stops me.
"Sit down, Jess." He demands.
"No." I say, my face inches from his. "Now get your disgusting hands off of me!" I grab at his fingers and bend them backwards, breaking his four fingers. He falls to his knees in agony, screaming at the top of his lungs. With his other hand he holds his forearm, and then starts punching my legs. I take his arm and throw it towards the table, sending him with it.
He smashes through a few of them and I walk out. Pissed.

"Do you normally get very angry after feeding?" Sam asks me on Monday.
"Sometimes." I say. "But mostly before, when I'm hungry."
"And how often is that? That you're hungry."
"All the time." I tell her.
"So even now?"
"Correct." I say.
"Okay, Jess. Let's begin the tests after school today, shall we?" She asks.
"Sure! Where are we meeting?" I ask.
"Let's meet here and then carpool to my house."
"Wait, you have cows at your house?" I ask her.
"No, but my ex boyfriend did leave his pet pig with me." She says with a menacing grin.

-Sir Jestro