Customer Service:The Slow Downfall of Happiness [Chapter Four]

Distraction.

Misdirection.

Any good magician will tell you you'll need these things to make a magic trick really work. I remember before I started working for CVC, Twanya stood out. Her massive hair would catch anyone's attention. Plus, I thought she was really cute [I like Asian girls...sorry, Bella] but that was all before I met her.
This girl felt like an empty shell sometimes, only sometimes. Other times she felt like a real person, but that wasn't too often. It seemed like we often lived on two different worlds. Which we probably were.
Cut to me in Tawnya's car, we're driving back to my, so I can go home and do whatever it is people do when they're home. I should tell you a few things about the girls I'm drawn to: they're either complete bitches [which balances out my extra "nice-ness"] or they can't see. Tawnya is one of those girls that can't see anything, and yet she drives...thanks California, I really feel safe. So we're driving downtown, on the way to my house and turns a corner. I'm not really paying too much attention until the back right wheel slams against the curb, sending us spinning out of control. At the same time the car in the left lane slams into us, and we start to barrel roll. The whole time I'm thinking, "This is fucking intense!" And then it stops, she regains control and takes me home. From then on I'd always ask to drive when we would go someplace together, but mostly Betty would drive.
Betty, good old Betty! My best friend. The person I'd spend hours texting when no one else would be awake. Betty could relate on how it feels to be alone, yet she got way more sex than I ever did, even when I was being a motherfucker. But I could always tell Betty just wanted someone to hold and confide in, someone to love. Really love, someone she could let herself go with, be herself completely. But for a while, neither of us would find that, so we could relate in a way no one else could, except Surge. He was alone too, but would fool around with his ex a lot. Speaking on fooling around.
I remember this one time, at work. I was the only person checking, using the register. The line snaking it's way around the store, going up and down every aisle.
"Betty, to the front, please." I'd page on the intercom system.
"Manuel, help check, please." I'd page on the intercom system.
But there was nothing. No Betty coming up to the front for a void or for change, and no Manuel coming up to check. I was alone up there for forty minutes. It was awful.
"They need to get more people!" I'd hear from the line of faceless, self-centered, derelicts.
"Come on, honey. Let's get the fuck out of here, this asshole can't do his job right!" Someone else would say. I'd heard this only due to my robo-ears I bought in Japan when I was called over there to fight Godzilla using my Giant Robot Suit.
After I closed the store by myself, I walked around the store looking for these two. I thought maybe some kind of alien species burrowed inside of them, using their bodies as a place to grow and letter explode out of their chests. That would suck.
I walked down each aisle, nothing.
The bathrooms, nothing.
The back room, nothing.
The break room, nothing.
Then I hear strange sounds of pain coming from the office. Oh, no! The aliens are here! I kick the door to office down and rush in. I don't see them, but the sound continues, then I realize they must be in the back room of the office, its like a supply room. I decide that it might be easier if I tried just turning the handle, so I do. And there, against the wall I see the beast with two backs. I see Manuel and Betty getting it on! I start directing them.
"No, Betty lift your leg a little bit more. Manuel, flex your abs more, you look like a Ken doll. Betty, tilt your head backwards. Manuel, shave your pubes, this is not The UK." They didn't like my directorial approach to their...fucking...they told me neither of them were androids therefore I had no place in this scene. I agreed and left. But just as I turned to shut the door I hear.
"I'm cuming!" And Manuel passes out and falls stomach down on the floor, I think he may have broken his dick.
After that night, I was angry with Betty for leaving me stranded, but respected her for getting sex whilst working.
Does that make her a porn star or prostitute, because she was getting paid while having sex?
I think porn star would be the answer, because her partner was also getting paid, and after he came everyone left. Hehehe.

Now that we're good and distracted, I can admit. I only went as far as kissing Tawnya on the neck. Then she told me she put out with every guy she'd been with the first or second night, but not me. I think it was because she didn't want to be the ugly person in the relationship. I am pretty damn amazing when it comes to my looks. But whatever the real reason she found me so unattractive, it didn't get in the way of our friendship. Our friendship that only existed when she didn't have a boyfriend. But most of the girls I'm friends with are in similar situations. It must be tough, trying not to make anyone mad. It must be like trying to stay calm that one time I got my insides ripped out. Let me elaborate.
I had this fear of the baler at work, the machine that compacts all the boxes into this big square, I called him Wall-E, exploding while I was next to it. It makes some pretty angry sounds when I'm around, and when other people use it all he says is, "Wall-E!" In a cute robotic voice. So I went into an alternate training dimension, a place I often go [in my mind] as to better prepare myself for something that might happen. Like the way I imagined Bella's first kiss with me, just to be prepared. So I'm standing by Wall-E, and he starts grunting and then he explodes sending shrapnel into my stomach. I look down and don't really feel it at first, but I start to feel sick to my stomach because of the blood dripping off of the metal pole sticking out of me. I walk to the front of the store where Bella's checking. She can tell I'm there but she isn't working.
"Bella, I think I might be dying." I say to her, she looks up and her eyes get wide. I take my car keys out of my pocket, and hand them to her. "Drive me to the hospital." I tell her calmly. We walk out and she drives me to the hospital. The end!
What was the point of that story you ask? My car isn't the easiest thing to drive, so in this alternate dimension I've taught Bella how to drive. I remember asking her if she wanted to drive home in my car when I'd give her rides home, she was always very reluctant, but eventually I managed to get her to drive it, and I had some fun making fun of her bad driving.
Yes, it looked like we were becoming great friends, all until we got a new store manager, Crow.

-Sir Jestro