I woke up on a Saturday to a call from my mother. She asked me if I would stop by her house before the concert later that evening. I told her it'd be up to D_double_w, or TCP, whomever was driving. But I convinced her that I'd try.
Then I got ready, found my favorite NIN shirt, and my favorite pare of pants. I even wore my Andrew Jackson boxers!
I was ready to rock and roll! But as I walked out to Optiums Prime I remembered I needed to add water, and oil, and washer fluid. So I handled business and headed out, to get my car washed, something I had been meaning to do since December. So I bought a car wash ticket, by the way don't ever do that-its a waste!
Cut to me driving on the 215 south singing every song on Year Zero as loud as I could, don't ask me what my favorite NIN cd is-you don't want to have that conversation with me.
Cut to me at the Chevron D_double_w works at walking in to see if he's there, but no. Its just Seth. So I buy a Monster Java and roll the fuck out!
Cut to me getting a text from Bella asking me if I'm having a good day, the text cheered me up for more than the obvious reasons:
1.) Her sending me a text message means she's thinking about me.
2.) She now must value our friendship enough to send me a text in the first place.
3.) She's probably falling in love with me.
4.) The text contained proper punctuation [this was the point that cheered me up most]. The text read,
"Question: Are you feeling better today? *pOw*"
Cut to me at D_double_w's, TCP's there too. They're working on D_double_w's new car, and 1972 Datsun 240z. She's an old worn out Japanese car, but the potential she had makes her beautiful.
"Tom," D_double_w says with one foot on the ground and the other in the driver's seat, TCP is underneath the back passenger tire getting ready to check for a leak on the brake line. "Get ready, I'm gonna start pumping."
Silence. I look at the two of them.
"Tom!" D_double_w yells. "Are you paying attention!? What are you doing down there?"
"Oh..." TCP says. "I'm just lying here, its comfortable, dude!"
Then we all laugh.
Cut to us and hour and a half later leaving D_double_w's house in TCP's 300zx. So we're flying down the freeway only the way old ladies do, we've been driving for about thirty minutes and its stuffy in his car, me in the front seat, D_double_w in the back, and TCP driving [like an old lady] so we decide to stop at a gas station for drinks and so we can take the top of the T-top off.
Inside the gas station, in line I see an ATM and think to myself,
"Holy shit Hansel, you need to give D_double_w twenty bucks for the ticket!"
Then I look at D_double_w and ask him.
"Did you print out the tickets?" And he looks at me, his eyes gaze wide open and mouth drops and I say, "You didn't bring the tickets, did you?"
"Well, I was getting ready, and I was being rushed!"
For the record, we were being rushed, since we had to make a detour to my mother's [Mama Roach] new house for free food and snacks! Yum, home made Apple Pie that doesn't need whipped cream! So we were in a rush to say the least.
"Mom!" I ask on D_double_w's Gphone. "Do you have Internet and a printer?"
"Yeah, why did Derek forget to print the tickets?" She asks on the other end, Chloe [my baby sister] screaming in the background.
"Of course."
"Yeah, we have a printer and Internet. Are you guys still coming?" She asks.
"We have to now."
"Okay, bye. I love you."
"I love you too, mom." Then I hang up and catch an odd look from the guy standing behind me. "Yeah, I tell my mom I love her. Don't you!?" He didn't say anything.
Cut to the girl at the check out counter hitting on Me and D_double_W, trying to hint at having a three-way with us by saying,
"Will that be all?"
I know what she was really trying to say.
"Jestro, you're so fucking hot, D_double_w film me and Jestro doin' it and put that shit up on youtube! Ya dig!?" [Insert laugh track now]
Cut to us back on the freeway, T-top open, and D_double_w screaming directions to TCP over Lifehouse and HIM and all the other stuff TCP was playing that day. Thank you google maps, because soon we found ourselves hella lost.
We're talking, we flying past the wild animal park and we see that the road's blocked off.
"Holy shit!" TCP screams, as he drifts to the right, off the main road onto some dirt road that leads us to some Indian [Native American] university.
"What the hell, Tom?" D_double_w says when we stop, we can't see past the scattered dust and rocks.
"The road's out Derek, what did you expect me to do, run through the cones and get chased by the cops?" TCP asks.
"Yes, yes I did Tom, because then today would be interesting." D_double_w said, but little did he know just how interesting today would be. We drive up to the road block and I stick my head out the window.
"Excuse me, Officer!" I scream, the cop doesn't look over. "Hey, Chopsay!" Still nothing, finally I lose it and say, "Yo, Pig!"
That caught his attention real quick.
"What did you call me?" He shouted from behind the orange cones.
"I was just trying to get your attention, sir." I said.
"By calling me a Pig?" He was angry.
"Well, it worked didn't it?" I shouted back, TCP and D_double_w laughing hysterically around me.
"Get the hell outta my face before I give you a ticket." He says pointing a finger at me.
"You watch your ass, Hog!" I shout back as TCP peals out, the pig jumps in his car and chases after us.
"I'm floorin' it Derek, I'm floorin' it!" TCP shouts as D_double_w scans the GPS on his Gphone for a way around the road block.
"Left here!" He screams, TCP drifts it like a champ, but so does the pig.
"Fuck, Ryan!" TCP screams. "Why does no one but us think you're funny?"
"Its because he's a man!" D_double_w says defending me.
"And the rest of the world are just lil' girls, the kind that cry when you say something bad about The Backstreet Boys, Brittney Spears, or The Jonas Brothers." I add.
"Hey! I like The Backstreet Boys!" TCP says. Then D_double_w and I laugh at him.
"Okay, Tom." D_double_w says poking his head between the seats. "It gets really whinedy here."
"Its cool, Derek. Ryan!" He looks at me. "You know what song to play!" I scroll through his ipod and find Teriyaki Boyz - "Tokyo Drift (Fast & Furious) and turn it all the way up.
Now since TCP had been driving like an old lady the whole time, I didn't expect anything amazing, but I was wrong. TCP took every turn of that mountain pass like a champ, the piglet however, did not. His black and white ass fell off of the cliff side, and he killed himself, he had a moment of silence for him, but not a very long one.
Cut to us at my mom's house eating Sloppy Joes and Watermelon, why the combination? I don't know, but it tastes good, let me tell you! Then my mom brings each of us a plate of her home made apple pie.
"This is better than Julian Pie!" TCP says, his mouth full of appley goodness.
"Holy shit, it is!" I add. "I don't even need whipped cream!"
"Ryan! When did you start cussing?" My mother asks me.
"When he became a man." D_double_w says.
"He's not a man, he's my son, Derek!" She says.
"Then what's this mom?" I ask as I pull down the neck of my shirt, revealing some hair, something only men have on their chest! But my mom didn't see it, just TCP and D_double_w, and they laughed some more.
"The computer is upstairs you guys." She says to us, still waiting for the buffalo wings to finish cooking.
"Okay, let's not forget those things!" I say.
Cut us back downstairs, with the tickets, confused about tonight's lineup.
"So it should be; Street Sweeper, the Jane's Addiction, the Nine Inch Nails, right?" I ask.
"I should think so." D_double_w says. "I mean NIN is more popular than the other two."
"Yup." I agree.
"Jane's Addiction is one of my most favorite bands of all time, you guys!" My mom says as she mixes the buffalo wings around in a metal bowl.
"And Nine Inch Nails is my most favorite band of all time!" I say. Then the front door opens and an extremely attractive young lady walks in. She sees the three of us [Me, TCP, and D_double_w] and looks shocked.
"Rochelle?" She asks.
"Yeah, Taylor. I'm in here!" My mom says. Then the girl walks into the kitchen and she is tiny! She has to be less than five foot, but that's not a bad thing, she's that cute. "Hey, Taylor. Can you guy which one's mine?" My mom asks nodding to the three of us.
Taylor looks at us and points at me.
"Him?"
"Yup, how'd you guess?"
"Well, you said he dressed weird so-" I cut her off.
"Yo! There's nothing weird about wearing a Nine Inch Nails shirt!" I pop my collar.
"Yeah, and his pants are normal too, not even that tight. And he's not wearing a skirt today either." My mom says. Thanks for killin' my game, mom!
"I didn't mean you dressed weird! I meant your hair!" Taylor says.
"My hair is not weird, its badass!" I say, TCP and D_double_w are laughing again. Then Taylor starts laughing.
"Anyway, Taylor that's my son, Ryan." My mom says with a wave of her hand, Taylor puts her hand out...psh! Handshakes are for strangers! I open my arms for a hug and she comes in for it. She was so short her ear must have rested on my man nipple.
An aside:
What is the purpose of the male nipple? I mean we don't lactate, and it doesn't feel THAT good when girls [or other boys, I'm not judging anyone] play with them.
I digress.
"Ryan, that's Deana's daughter Taylor." My mom says. So the story is, my moved to this badass apartment in Long Beach and one day while I was moving boxes, without my shirt on, with my eight pack showing for the world to see. One of my mom's neighbors tells her.
"Oh, my god, Rochelle. Your son reminds me of this guy I went to high school with."
"What was his name?" My mother asks her new neighbor.
"Ruben Larabee." She responds. So another story [much shorter]. During school my dad had to change his last name from "Romero" to his step father's last name "Larabee". Kay, done.
"What!? Really? That's my son's father!" My mom says. And I guess this Deana woman and my dad banged, or may have banged back in the day. But my mom doesn't think so, because she met my dad when he was a virgin, and that was after Deana.
So I'm getting the vibe that this Taylor girl is diggin' on me; the way she keeps checkin me out, the odd questions she asks, and she was flirting everyone but my mom saw it, because she's in denial that I'm a man and women love me. I literally have to keep a baseball bat with me at all times in order to not be attacked by horny girls. But this Taylor was super cute so when she and my mom asked for me to stay the night until Monday, I really did consider it. But I didn't bring my toothbrush, a change of clothes, or my phone charger [and I know how distraught my best friend would be if she couldn't text me, and I'd also be pretty distraught if I couldn't text Bella either] so, as much as I wanted to, I declined the offer. Also, Chloe was teething so she was constantly screaming, and that gets old pretty fast!
Cut to us back on the freeway, every second getting closer to seeing NIN in concert.
Cut to us spending a half of an hour looking for fucking parking! [retelling this next section gets me angry]
Then, by the time we do find parking its in some dirt lot filled with weeds. D_double_w is in the front seat when we get there, and when he opens the door, I hand him the tickets and I hear it. Okay, I'm a HUGE NIN fan, like its not funny how much I love that band, so when I hear the synth sound from the song "Home" an unreleased song from [With Teeth] I jump out of the car. I cock my head to get a better listen, because its only 8:30pm, which would make NIN the second band up, NOT the headliners. But once the drum beat hits I take off running as fast as I can towards the amplitheater screaming,
"HOME!" And also singing along once TR starts singing. I make it to the front gates and I don't see my possie anywhere, and then I remember, D_double_w has my ticket! So I backtrack, and find him, then run off again. As I walk single file through the line I'm growing impatient, this is my favorite band of all time and I'm out here in line with a bunch of smelly motherfuckers! I get to the ticket scan and my ticket won't scan and the old lady scanning it starts talking about something I don't care about. Then I hear the confirmation bleep and run off, by the time they finished "Home" I was on the lawn, without my friends, but its okay because they start "Terrible Lie" so I start singing and then the PS cuts out and they stop. Then my pocket starts vibrating. Its D_double_w calling me.
By the time they restarted "Terrible Lie" we had regrouped and the night was perfect after that. I could go on and on about how amazing Nine Inch Nails is live, how they can change a song that's as old as me, and make it so much better that you never want to listen to the cd again. That they're so good, you want to follow them all over the world and listen to them every night, but since you work at CVC, you can't. yeah, I could tell you about how the louder they are, the better they sound. I could go on and on about how TR is never off key and how he can add anything to a song, and its more perfect than anything anyone else could have thought of. Yeah, I could tell you how perfect the show was, but I think you can get the picture. Only one thing could have made it better,
If Bella's sister Autumn had come along, that shit would have been tight, son!
After the show, on our way back to Temecula, I text Bella, but only to tell her it was amazing and that my phone'll die. She doesn't seem too interested [it was her boyfriend's birthday beach bash! And we all know what kind of presents girls give their boyfriends on their birthdays, yup.] so I don't text her until I get home.
Cut to me, at home, trying to sleep, but I can't. Too many amazing things happened today.
I think the world might not be as bad as I thought it was the day before.
-Sir Jestro
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