Customer Service:The Slow Downfall of Happiness [Chapter Ten]

Honesty.

That's the answer in it's most basic form.

Its because of Honesty that I fell for Bella.
How in this world, a world wrapped in lies, a world where nothing is kept pure, everything despoiled, honesty shines like day light. Its like I was trapped in a cave and honesty was the only light guiding me out. And Bella was that light.
I'm exaggerating a little, but to help tell the story, let's refer to a poem I wrote for our dear, and perfect, Bella.
I titled it, Dear Isabella, and it goes a little something like this.

Bella, before you start don't feel any dismay,
I told the words and this page you would throw them away,
They asked me "Why?" Their murmur a buzz,
I replied, "That's just the kind of stuff that Bella does."
They were sad at first but knew I was right,
They said they could tell by the way that we fight,
How I always talk and you always listen in,
And that's a fitting place for this letter to begin,

So, for those of you who don't know, I am an artist. But my art is word. I can't draw worth a shit, but I try sometimes anyway. So while at work I used to draw these little comics on discarded receipt papers and unwanted coupons. On the blank side I would draw a little alien face and a speech bubble and bam, there's a comic.
The topic matter differed from panel to panel, but they all pretty much had to do with my growing distaste for customer service. So I would always draw these comics, and some of Bella glaring at me, and she would always, always, always throw them away just after reading them, like an evil she-wolf that kills her mate after getting fucked by them, praying mantis style son!!!
From then on, I assumed that any type of art that came from my hands would be discarded if Bella found them, so I warned the paper and the words that.
Moving on to the fighting: I seem to unnaturally be able to get under Bella's skin, without even very much effort, I never understood why. Several of our co workers [and customers] claimed that we fought like a married couple, this possibility intrigued me, Bella and I married...hmmmm...that means lots of sex, and maybe road head, I can dig that. And it doesn't help that I'm loud, four years of theater, having to project my voice so everyone in the six hundred seat theater could hear me without a microphone might have aided to my volume swell. Bella likes to eavesdrop, she does it to everyone, but with me its the most easy due to my loud booming voice. Knowing these little facts helps you understand where this poem is coming from, how Bella saved my life, and made me fall for her [unintentionally I know, and I never meant to be anything more than a friend {although a best friend would be cool} but sometimes people are just attracted to each other], let's continue.

Dear Isabella,
The dust in your eyes kept me up last night,
Weighing down on me with the weight of a terabyte,
The pink broth I couldn't digest,
It plagued me making my head such a mess.

Now this is all talking about how thinking about Bella kept me interested in the world, and out of my own head, just as the thoughts of all of my friends do. But Bella more so, from her honesty, something I didn't ask for but was grateful to find, and desperate to hold onto. The pink haired troll, ugh, I really wanted to wait on this story but fuck it, here we go.
I was in a rock band when I started working at CVC. I played bass and fucking rocked, I got down, not as well as I do in the bedroom, but just close enough. We were missing a singer but still creating music. Now I had been in this band for over a year and we never really got off the ground, so I was getting close to calling it quits, but I really didn't have a good reason. I wasn't doing anything else with my time, so why not make music, right?
It wasn't until we went to a music instruments convention called NAMM, that we got a thread of hope. That's when we heard of The Siren, of The Pink Haired Troll [as Betty likes to call her], she was referred to us by another musician we met. She did warn us, however, that The Siren has a tendency to irritate, but we didn't care, all we wanted was a singer. And let me tell you, The Siren could sing! But she had pink hair and looked exactly like the girl from Paramore, some pop rock band with a girl lead singer.
Cut back to me telling Bella, day after day, that every girl at CVC had a secret crush on me, because I was a rockstar.
Cut to her rolling her eyes and calling my dumb, or gay, I can't remember, they're interchangeable with her.
Then cut to the first night we meet The Siren, at my old best friend's house. We're watching Steve [my ex best friend's boyfriend, and one of the guitarists of the band I was in] play Bio Shock [fuckin' amazing game, btw] and The Siren coming over and acting like a bitch.
"Should I leave and come back when you guys aren't so busy." She asked as we watched Steve fight a Mr. Bubbles [this is something of epic proportions, just so we can all see how inconsiderate The Siren is].
But we went outside and listened to her sing a song, beautifully. She was already in, Steve and I knew it, and so did Bubble Butt.
Cut to our audition for singers, and The Siren breaking down and crying in front of all of us, saying she's so nervous, blah blah blah! I just fast forward in my mind, hoping the tape will break during playback.
Then cut to her following me to my grandmother's [dad's mom] for my aunt's birthday. Her not eating [I found out later she was both bulimic and anorexic, oh yeah, she also told me she had been raped at age five, those are just what I want to hear a girl talk about when I bring her home!]. Then cut to us back at Dan's house and her leaving, him asking me if I felt her coming onto me, because everyone else did.
It was that one question that set this whole awful mess into action. The Pink Haired Troll was indeed coming onto me, and everyone else I knew [I found this out later, of course]. But for all I knew she was just a girl with a boyfriend, who kept on hitting on me. So I confided in Bella, and told her, because I knew Bella would give me an honest answer. Not the kind of answer I want to hear, but something honest. She instantly didn't like hearing about The Siren, but I'm convinced its because Bella secretly wants me, and don't worry Bella, it would not be a bad decision ditching the zero and getting with the hero! Hehehe!
Cut to another night, when Bella and I worked the same shift and would spend an entire hour together in the break room, with no cameras, and nothing would happen. Why you ask? Because Bella gets too distracted by texts, and because I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her. I don't like to ask the wrong questions. Because the kinds of questions I want to ask would make her go back into old bad memories, I would assume.
I want to ask her what it was like changing schools so much.
I want to ask her how was it not growing up with her parents.
I want to ask a million more, but I probably won't, at least not in the break room, and not that night either.
My band came into my work, just before lunch time, to take me out. They were all such nice people back then. I remember Bella was in the front aisles, maybe number nine, and I was in the back aisles, like twenty two, and we walked towards each other then headed down the center aisle together. That's when she saw the Siren for the first time, but she didn't know it was her.
"That girl's hair is cool." She told me.
"That's {The Siren}." I told her. Then Bella's face scrunched up and she didn't like her hair anymore.
Cut to all four of us in Dan's vehicle and Bella texting me from work.
"Your so gay i cant believe you left me now i have to spend my break alone thanks *pOw*" The text read.
Now I felt bad, because even back then I liked Bella more than The Siren, but I was going to get potstickers at the Boba Cafe on University, so I didn't feel that bad.
"Why didn't Bella come along?" Dan asked me. I'm sitting behind him.
"I dunno." I replied.
"Its probably because of {The Siren}." He replied with a laugh.
"What, why me?" She asked.
"Because you're stealing her man!" Dan said and we all laughed, because that's funny, and I'm hoping to Trent Reznor its true.
Cut to a few weeks later, after The Siren and I bang and she freaks out and tells everyone I forced her to do it. For the record, I didn't. I would have much rather slept than gotten jiggy with it, at my house, when everyone else is asleep! That means there's no fun, I like my sex loud and painful. Scratching and biting and extreme shit like having sex in the beer coolers on my hour lunch, that would be fucking extreme!
Cut to me coming to work in the worst mood I've ever been in, about to punch any shit faced customer who gives me the wrong attitude.
Cut to Bella calling me into the office and asking me, sincerely asking me, what's wrong.
Cut to me showing her the texts my ex best friend sent me.
Cut to Bella helping me calm down.
Broth is the juice left over when you cook meat, it adds flavor. Its leftovers, it what's lingering around after some thing's cooked. Broth is like a feeling left over, keeping you from getting over some whore that mind fucked you.
The pink leftovers from The Siren fucked my head up, but it was me leaving the band and thinking about my friends and how to entertain them, that ultimately got me through it.

You helped calm me down this much we've all seen,
Looking back it all feels like a dream,
Its like you're a blood hound and can sniff out the bad,
What does that say about me? I always seem to get you mad.

These next few lines still go with the above story, all but the last line.
I never understood why I could get under her skin so easily, or why she let me, but it seemed like it was just something that we did. I really never liked doing it, but it was comforting to hear we looked like a married couple, even though I know Bella hates to see that.

Bella, I must confess,
You do look better than me in a dress,
I tried to look longer but the machine was a mess,
You do look good in purple, I digress.

Back in high school I would cross dress, on stage, in my band. Why? It was a way of separating Ryan from Jestro, Ryan is the person someone can talk to, man to man, and work with. Jestro is the entertainer, the rockstar. I liked keeping the two apart. Since I had never seen Bella in a dress, and always wanted to check her butt out while she was wearing one with heels, I thought if I called her out by saying,
"I bet I look way better than you do in a dress." would get her to show me. It did, but not on the circumstances I wanted, and she wasn't even wearing heels. Who comes to work on their day off? And who comes to work when they requested a day off so they could spend it with their boyfriend to celebrate their three year anniversary, I'll tell you: Bella does.
And just when they walk in, my register starts freaking out, and the girl starts acting like a bitch. So not only am I getting yelled at, but I'm also dealing with a fucked up machine, and finally, I can't check Bella out. I had been wanting to see her legs since I discovered her butt, and I don't know what they look like. All I can really remember is her hair, it was curly and beautiful, it must have smelled the way angels ought to smells.

You always keep a watchful ear,
And when you're hurt it seems so sincere,
You're always so jealous which I think is dumb,
Because we both know you're my number one,

Before Bella and I started dating, she was my best friend, because of her honesty. After that she was my girlfriend, and later my wife, so throughout our entire friendship, excluding the beginning and some parts here and there, she's been my number one. I don't feel I have to reiterate the eavesdropping and her acting jealous when I hit on other girls.

I was standing in the shadow of destruction for a bit,
You managed to help me give me a lift,
Got me out of that hole I had fallen into,
You saved my life and I feel I should thank you,

Another pretty self explanatory verse.

Thank you Bella, for all you have done,
You helped remind me my problems were...none,
That there's a big orange thing called the sun,
And the world revolves around it not the fool I had become,

I had forgotten, during that time that I was freaking out over nothing. When I should be worrying about budgeting my money, I was worrying about some stupid girl who knew all the right things to do and say to make me think I liked her. When I should have been worrying about my job, I was worrying about my band.

So, thank you Bella, it means quite a lot to me,
And I'm sure this letter was a waste of time indeed,
So go ahead and throw it away,
I told it already it would end this way,

I know Bella didn't like it back then, when she was with Mathew, me telling her I liked her, or even just giving her a compliment. But you see, I like to dwell on the goo things, the small things that keep this world a beautiful and wonderful place, so many things are lost in our American Capitalist life styles, it makes me sick. When you stand in front of the ocean Bella, do you still feel small?
I do.
Standing in front of the ocean, I feel insignificant. I feel no bigger than an ant. The ocean has remained constant since the birth of the world, the waves have NEVER stopped crashing, and they won't until its all done. But look at us, sixty years from now we'll all be dead, but the waves will still be crashing, the same way they've always done.
I had forgotten all of those things when The Siren's song took hold, but it was the honesty of Bella's words that pulled me back. She wasn't the only one who helped, mind you, but this is my story of how I met her, and parts of our lives together, so of course I'd pay most attention to her.
Thank you, Betty! You were always there, just a text away, if I needed it.
Thanks, Tawnya!
Thanks, Kim Je-Min! You helped me with ATTIC Radio, and helped me laugh the sadness away.
Thanks, Carrios! For writing and reading, making me feel like not such a waste. Not making me feel the way my parent's make me feel sometimes, telling me I'm turning into a wasted vessel of creativity. Telling me I have so much color to add to the world, but I'd rather be working at CVC. The past has happened, the future has yet to come, but the now is a gift that's why its called the present. I've already added enough color to the people's lives around me, I don't feel like I've wasted anything.

And if it ends up we don't talk for a while,
Remember one thing; don't forget to smile,
A smile that radiates from the eye,
A smile that won't be faded by any type of goodbye.

Be happy, and the world will look like a better place. Be sad, and forget about the color, you'll be living in a irritating grey scale world.
That was my love letter/thank you note to Bella, and I'm glad I got to share it with all of you. And Bella, if you're reading this, you're my number one, your opinion matters most to me.

"Mr. Romero! Mr. Romero!"
"Whoa, Mr. Romero's my father! Just call me Jestro."
"Mr. Jestro!"
"Eh, that'll work. What can I do for you?"
"I understand all of what you told us just now, but why did you become so attracted to Ms. Bella. I don't mean in a sexual way, you've already told us those thought, I mean by your past relationships, how does Bella relate to them?"
"Oh, so you want to hear more about my exes, is that right?"
"If you'd please, sir."

Okay, I can do that for you.
So there were two others things I noticed about Bella that first night I saw her, at the meeting, that made a familiar resemblance to someone I once dated. Those two things were...

-Sir Jestro