Customer Service:The Slow Downfall of Happiness [Chapter Twelve]

So why did I pick Bella?
Well, you all know I don't mean pick her, like it was my choice, better yet;
How did I know it would be Bella I'd spend the later portions of my life with? Well, I've got a story about that one, but we'll have to go back a year.
Cut to me, just after I had graduated high school, no wait...
Cut to a few days before New Years going into '08, that's better.
I had just dumped Abbigale and was a single man again, which was very hard for me back then, because I was always surrounded by so many girls. I was always on the move and so I ran into tons of different girls, but I decided to stick with Abbigale because I thought she was Mrs. Right, how wrong I was.
Back then, I was a Jumper.
You all probably just rolled your eyes in denial, thinking back to memories we all share where I clearly don't jump when I could, and we all know I'm not very modest.
But on that real tip, I did in fact used to be a Jumper.
I would jump all over the world, and it was fun too, my favorite place still has to be South Korea.
"Why South Korea?" You might be asking yourself, trying to cut me off with questions won't work when I can't hear them.
Well, of all the places I've jumped to, South Korea is the most interesting. In the spring I think Japan is the most beautiful, and the grey sky of London are always breath taking to me, but the culture [and the women] of South Korea are my favorite. So I'd travel there often, but one trip in particular comes to mind.
Its a story of how I found love, the real thing, the Bella kind of love. Now as you all know, I'm an advance physicist and engineer. So I had invented a jumping machine, so if and when I found Mrs. Right, she'd be able to follow me through my jump scars.
To be honest the idea for this machine was bases entirely on the portal gun from the game Portal, but I modified it to shoot portals through jump scars.
So I invented it, but never really knew if it worked, since I was a jumper and couldn't tell if my jumps were from me or the portal gun.
Cut to me hanging out with Kim Je-Min on a weekend when he didn't have school, in some empty parking lot.
"So you wanted to show me something?" He asked, him not knowing I'm a jumper or that I had created working replica of the portal gun.
"Yeah." I said. "But first I need to show you something." I showed him a baseball in my hand. "Keep your eye on the ball, okay?" I said, he nodded. Then I turned around, facing the same way as him and I threw the ball into the air as far as I could. Then I jumped to where it would be landing and caught it, then I jumped back.
"Holy shit dude!" Kim Je-Min said with a huge Asian smile.
"I know, Hayden Christensen ain't got shit on me." I said.
"Can we jump somewhere? Like can you jump me somewhere, well I don't me like jump me, like beat me up, but...oh, you know what I mean!"
I laughed.
"Well, see that's why I brought you here." I said, then he cut me off.
"ZO MY GOD! You're gonna bite me and turn me into a Jumper!?" He was clearly very excited, it was radiating like the sun.
"No." I said coldy. But then showed him the portal gun.
"What's that?" He asked me.
"Its the portal gun, but I modded it so you can follow me through my jump scars." I said. "Let's see if it works." He let out a sound that sounded like he was saying the word "Oh!" in a squeaky voice. I handed him the portal gun and motioned him to follow me.
I ran and jumped, but only a few feet [to the end of the parking lot] just to test the gun, and sure enough, it worked.
"Dude, this is so much better than my dad's gold PT!" He screamed.
"I bet it is." I said with a chuckle. "Now, how about we get some Korean BBQ...in Korea!"
"OKAY!" He said and then we shared an air five, and I jumped to Seoul and we had some breakfast.
Cut to a few weeks later, Kim Je-Min has mastered the portal gun on both the game and in real life. But now I'm bored again, and still single, so I tell Kim Je-Min he's going to be my wingman and that we're going to spend a Friday night jumping all over the world. We attempt to do so, but after the first four parties/countries we realize that;
A.) We're both better wingmen [wingman's as Kim Je-Min likes to call them] and are better at helping than really hitting on someone.
B.) We chose countries that didn't speak English and,
C.) Paladins have begun chasing us.

I tell Kim Je-Min that he might be safe, on account that he's using technology to jump just as they do, so they might ignore that he's here. But when one of the Paladins punches Kim Je-Min in the mouth outside of a bar in Sweeden.
"You filthy Jumper, scum. Let's go someplace quite so I can kill you." The black guy with the white hair, who isn't Samuel L. Jackson says to us.
"How 'bout no, Scott?" Kim Je-Min says and starts running, so do I. I jump us to LA, I don't know why I just did. When we look back, we think we've lost them, but then a wire comes flying out of my jump scar, nearly taking my dick off, slamming into the wall behind me. Yeah, for some reason I jumped underneath a freeway overpass, don't ask me why, I just did. After that four Paladins pull themselves through the jump scar. They shoot a laser at me so I jump out of there, take a piss on Mount Rushmore, then jump back.
When I get there, Kim Je-Min is shooting portals everywhere, on the ceiling of the overpass, on it's walls, and he's jumping through them, avoiding the Paladins attacks. So I see this and I've gotta have my homie's back so I jump-punch one of the Paladins and knock his ass out. Then I grab another one and jump him back to Salem during the witch trials. Sitting there in the center of an old wooden town, with a vast number of old ugly primitive eyes staring awestruck by my beauty, I point at him and call him a witch then jump back. When I come back I see Kim Je-Min shooting a portal underneath a Paladin and then the Paladin falling from the ceiling of the overpass and landing on the concrete ground, hard. Then I watch as the Paladin gets hit by a speeding car.
I laugh.
So if my math is right, and it aways is, four minus three equals: Samuel L. Jackson rip off is the only on left. I jump home really fast then back and scream,
"Kim Je-Min! Get your ass back home." Then I look at Sammy and say to him. "This fight is between Jumper and Paladin."
"I've had it with these motha' fuckin' Jumpers on this motha' fuckin' planet!" He screams. And I say,
"What?"
"I said!" He begins to say. Then I cut him off by saying,
"What?" Again. Now he's pissed, and I'm getting happy, kind of.
"Say what again motha' fucka'!" He threatens me.
"What?" I ask. That's when he screams!
"I don't like eggs on my face!" And charges at me, stupid Paladin, I'm a Jumper fool, movement IS my weapon!
So I jump behind him and then next to him. He stops charging and waits, then I jump-punch him breaking his jaw and three of my knuckles. The pain takes me off guard, and he takes advantage of that by shooting that electric bungee chord/rope...device at me, pinning me to the wall. I'm screaming now, cuz it hurts, and its burning my ball sack and that shit hurts.
With me crucified against the wall of the overpass he starts telling me "The Big Antagonist Speech" and I'm thinking to myself,
"Sam, this is still only the first act, that speech isn't supposed to come until the final conflict, which generally occurs towards the end of the third act." But of course, he can't hear me and keeps talking.
"...You are an abomination against God! He didn't make mistakes like you, you time travelin' distance travelin, fuckin'..." He pauses, even through my pain I can see he hit a dead end in his speech. "...Jumpin' motha' fucka'! I'mma kill you, and your wife too!" Through my agony I manage to muster out a pathetic.
"But I'm single."
"Wait, really?" He asks.
"Yes!" I scream, my balls catching on fire.
"But you can jump all over the world and hit it 'n quit it like nobody else!" He yells so close to my face, I can smell he had chicken and waffles for breakfast.
"I don't want all of that." I scream. he cuts me down, the pain stops but the sting settles in.
"You mean, you don't use your curse to get pussy?" He's pacing around me now.
"No, I'm just looking for Mrs. Right." I tell him out of breath, my face against the warm concrete.
"Why should I believe you?" He asks, getting close to my face again, his sandpaper cheeks rubbing against my ear.
"I didn't ask you to." I reply.
"Good point." He says after a long pause. "I know somebody who can help you find this Mrs. Right you're looking for." He tells me.
"Who's that?" I ask.
"The big Gee." He stands up and then his voice gets loud. "The big man, God! If you withdraw your place in this war, give up your curse, he might give you something in return.
"Will that really work?" I ask.
"It worked for me." He said rubbing his left ring finger, showing me the ring.
"So how do I do it, just say-"
"Repent for your sins, and you shall be forgiven." He said. "But don't worry, you don't have to be a Paladin, I just picked that because it made for a good plot twist.
"I guess." I say with a laugh.
"Hey, can I ask a favor?" He asks.
"You need a jump home?"
"Yeah."
"No problem." I say and jump him to Lakeview Terrace and the jump my white ass back home.
That night I prayed to God.
I asked for forgiveness.
I asked to be able to forgive my dad for kicking me out of his house for no substantial reason.
I asked him to watch over my sisters.
And I asked to give up being a jumper so I could find true love.
What did God say in return?

"I hurt myself today,
To see if I still feel,
I focus on the pain,
The only thing that's real..." And so on.

The next day, when I woke up, I got ready as always and just I had to clock in for work [at the movies] the way I always do. But when I jumped I just smacked straight into the wall.
Cut to the meeting where I first saw Bella.
We locked eyes for a second, the one time she removed her gaze from my package, and in that once second, just for a flash. A flash that sends a tremor through your whole body, the way words can never describe, such an ineffable took me off guard. It felt like deja vue, when I looked in Bella's eyes. It felt like my heart was pounding in my throat, in my ears.
When I first locked eyes with Bella, when I knew I had found Mrs. Right,
if felt like home.

-Sir Jestro