So that break up didn't last too long. In fact, only about two days did it last, and if I didn't pick up on every detail in a text message I probably wouldn't have caught it. Or if I didn't see who picked her up from work, I probably wouldn't have seen it, but I did, and it bothered me.
Cut to me leaving my house at ten o'clock in the morning and heading to Bella's house. I had to be there at eleven, and it only takes about twenty to thirty minutes to get there. Why did I leave so early, you ask?
Bella and I both love those little Koala's March cookies they sell at Asian markets. I had heard that they might sell them at Maxi Foods, a grocery store down the street from CVC. So I left a little bit early to check if they had any and to give them to my future wife as a gift, something I knew she'd enjoy. But Maxi Food's had to go and be a fucking cock block and not have any. So I left, broken hearted and empty handed, to go pick Bella up.
I got to her house right on time, like I always do, and we headed to Best Buy to buy Carrios a birthday present and a going away present [by the way, Bella ended up going]. We bought him 'Snakes on a Plane' and 'Alpha Dog' and then headed over to his house. We all sat in his tiny, stuffy little room [Me, Bella, Sakura, and Carrios] watching SOAP, I loved it, Bella hated it, we all had a good time though.
It wasn't so much a party as it was a 'kick-back' as the kids call it, but it was good, nonetheless. Kim Je-Min showed as well, love that guy.
Cut to me bringing Bella to work, and a few hours later coming to work myself, with a plate full of food for her [Yes, I like to spoil the ones I love, fuck off!]. Then cut to our store manager asking Betty...
"Are they dating?" Betty told me our store manager asked.
"Are who dating?" Betty told me she replied.
"Bella and Ryan!"
"Hahaha, no why?" Betty said she said.
"Because they're spending an awfully lot of time together."
"Temmy, relax we all give Bella rides to work, I don't see you asking if me and Bella are dating."
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Temmy said, apparently. "But still, there's something between those two, can you see it?"
And from that point on, I guess everyone we worked with assumed we were going to get married, but the only thing in the way, was her love for Mathew. I could see, by the way she acted that she was far more interested in me than she admitted [not that she ever really did admit it, but you get my point] to being. I could also tell by rearranging the things she said about her relationship that she still wanted to be friends with Mathew, should they ever break up. But I think the thing holding her back was hurting him.
To me, it seemed like she didn't want to be with him, in a relationship anyway, but I could tell she didn't want to hurt him. Since he was such a big impact in her life, staying with her through all the bullshit she went through, I could see that being a key factor in her wanting to keep him as a very close friend. I understand that thought process better than I should, I was in a relationship where the girl stood by me through some bad shit. I stayed with that girl, even though I didn't really want to, and because she was turning into a bitch, the kind you hate, I stayed with her because she was there.
Abbigale was there, standing right next to me, her arms wrapped around my waist, when my father called and told me to leave. I thought that meant something, I wanted to hold onto that, her seeing me and staying by me in such a fragile state. I gave her my virginity, and the same for her, and she used that against me as well.
The point is, I get it. I understand why she'd want to keep him around. At the same time I know that if Abbigale and I can become friends again [not that we talk or hangout very often, but the fact that I can be civilized with her and don't hold any grudges about our past] then I know, without a doubt in my mind, that Bella and Mathew can do the same. But break ups are hard, no one wants to do them and no one wants it to happen to them, but sometimes you just need one. They might not talk for quite some time, but that's only natural and everyone expects it.
It really lines up to the The Porcupine's Dilemma;
Should a porcupine fuck another porcupine [let's all remember, they're those little mole looking rodents that are covered in sharp spines] and risk being stabbed to death in order to get his nut and make babies?
Or should he live alone, with no pain, and die alone?
I know it doesn't match up perfectly, but the concept is essentially the same: Do you live in a painless fear and die alone, or do you take the pain and create something beautiful? There really is no right answer.
And the last thing I want to be in this whole story is the rebound. And that's why at Tawnya's party, I felt so uncomfortable.
Cut to me at work and Tawnya, Betty, and Bella all at Tawnya's 21st birthday party, it was also Cho's birthday, and I'm waiting until 11:30pm to get off and head over to the party that Bella continuelly referred to as,
"Lame."
"Boring."
and even
"Gay."
So she's texting me while she's at the party and she tells me she doesn't like The Funkmaster Jared, which makes me laugh, because I kind of foresaw that. She's also texting me to hurry up because the party's boring [insinuating I'm not boring].
Cut to me driving to the party listening the The Birthday Party Massacre's remix to 'Never Wanted To Dance' by MSI. I really like that remix, btw.
I get there and my entorage is waiting; The Funkmaster Jared, Antonary, Betty, and my heart, Bella.
Cut to us walking into Betty's sister's house, where the party was taking place, and it being hotter than tits [A term Antonary thought of that just kind of stuck, especially when we're in Optimus Prime].
Quick cut to this one time when my car broke down right after I picked Bella up from home and her laughing at me.
"You're car hates me, fool!" She said as her engine laugh rattled in her throat. I managed to get the car to the side of the road and we walk to a gas station.
"Oooh! I wanna SlimJim!" She said.
"I want one too!" I said, and she grabed it. "Holy shit, that worked?"
"Yes, cuz I'm feeling nice today." She said. Then a lady standing behind us in line says,
"All men are like that, always asking for something." And I'm like, 'Yo, lady! I'm standing right here!'.
Bella laughs.
"But its okay, because you've got her." Trying to redeem herself. Then Bella rolls her eyes and says,
"We're just friends." But the lady doesn't believe her, and knows that soon that'll all be changed.
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Sorry, I was having some fun.
Cut to us back in that hot as tits apartment and Bella standing next to me. I didn't think too much of it, I mean I like her....a lot, and don't mind when she's standing next to me, in fact I enjoy it. But it wasn't until The Funkmaster said something that I noticed,
"Yo, man." He said as we walked back to the apartment, after the toilte got flooed and Betty kicked everyone out. "That Bella girl's a bitch. She was being all mean and ignoring everyone all day, and then once you showed up," He threw his hands in the air. "her face lit up like a parade and she was all happy. I think she loves you, man."
Cut to me smiling on the inside.
Cut back to us in the apartment and me eating some nuked eggrolls, they were so yummy.
Cut to Tawnya and Betty arguing about nothing that should have taken a half hour to talk about and me suggesting to Bella that we go for a walk.
Cut to us at the little playground where I slipped on a wet peice of wood and almost broke my dick. We're sitting there, side by side, talking. Every passing second, I just want to put my arm around her and hold her more and more. We're still sitting there talking, and I'm asking her those really personal questions you'd only ask in a playground at two in the morning. I can tell she's uncomfortable, but I don't know if its for the same reason as I am.
I gave Bella my word, that I wouldn't make a move on her as long as she was with Mathew, even though I wanted nothing more than to kiss her anywhere, the cheek, the forehead, the lips, anywhere. I not sure if she too wanted me to kiss her, or hold her, or eat her out, or maybe finger bang her with my penis. I'm not sure about a lot of things that night, but I am sure that we were still friends when it was over. I could tell she really does value our friendship as much as I do, most likely less, but I'm usually the one with the bigger heart.
It felt like she wanted me to kiss her. I still can't get that feeling out of my head, it was like there was some kind of pheremone released that was driving me crazy, not like crazy horny crazy, but crazy unsure crazy.
Bella, for the record, I held back because I was afraid that if I was wrong you'd never want to talk to me again.
Cut to us watching Josie and the Pussycats and Bella falling asleep on me, a big no-no I guess, I didn't see a problem with it. I think Bella hits me because she likes me, and that doesn't bother me, because I like pain especially when I'm fuckin!
Cut to me taking her home and her almost falling asleep in my car. I know she wanted to, because my seats feel like clouds.
I let her out of my car, to go home and go to bed. The whole way home I kept thinking, did tonight go the right way or the wrong way? Did we become closer apart or further apart?
But of course I couldn't ask her that, I just had to wait.
-Sir Jestro
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