The Rabbit's Foot: Chapter Five

Quick flash, I'm back at home lying in bed, just watching TV. On the phone with one of my girl friends, Liisa. And I'm channel surfing.
"OMG, Liisa. There is nothing on!" And I'm channel surfing.
"Oh, I know girl, that's why I'm always online, you can find anything there, I'm talking anything!" She says. And I'm channel surfing.
I hate television, I mean every channel is the same thing; A skeleton doing god knows what.
I flip the channel; A skeleton is giving me the news
I flip the channel; A skeleton kissing another skeleton.
I flip the channel; A skeleton doing extreme sports.
"Girl!" I jump out of my daze. "Are you listening to me?"
"Yeah, sorry Liisa. I was distracted. LOL!" I say.
"Then why don't you ask him out?"
"Who?"
"Jason! Duh, he was totally crushing on you at the hookah bar."
"No, he wasn't."
"OMG, don't gimmie that!"
"Oh, I'll give it to you!"
"Ew, you're so nasty." She says.
I flip the channel; A skeleton is praising baby jesus.
"He was not crushing on me."
"Yes, he was! What do you have another man in your life?" She says in a sexy phone operator voice.
"Umm, no." I say. " But I did get a letter today from some crazy stalker."
"Oh, you slut!"
"It might have been Trevor?" I say more to myself than to her.
"Oh Em Gee! Does Trevor have a big [edited for content]?"
"Ew! I'm hanging up now!" I say.
"No! I'm just kidding!" She says in between breaths, yeah, she's laughing.
"I don't see the joke."
"Just talk to Jason. I gotta go, my mom's making meatloaf, yuck, doesn't she know I'm vegan? But whatever I'll tell her after dinner. Bye love." She hangs up.
I flip the channel; A skeleton family is trying to name the number one thing to bring to a picnic.
I flip the channel; A skeleton is selling jewelry.
I flip the channel; A skeleton is crying, for god knows why.
I flip the off switch.
Hmmm, Jason huh?

I'm tired of just lying in bed and doing nothing. Its almost 8 and I'm still sober, can someone please say, "Lame!" Yeah, not me boys and girls.
Oh, I'm in love with makeup, god must have been a genius.
Foundation.
Coverup.
Blush.
Eyeliner.
Eye shadow.
Lip gloss.
The mirror is like my best friend, so much more than the TV.
I just wanna get something out in the open; people who don't wear makeup are like nudists. And all girls who don't look so trashy, like, "Hey, world I'm too lazy to look beautiful for you!"
That's NOT in my agenda.
All done!
And I'm off, not to see the wizard, I hate it when people say that.
Car.
Keys.
Door.
Ignition.
Trance.
Love.
Drive.
[I have happiness]
So I get out, and I walk into this bar. The air is stale and full of the smell of Black & Milds. Ew, let me just say, smoking tobacco is so 1940s, it turns your teeth yellow. Can someone say, "Crack Whore!"? Oh!
I crack myself up. [LOL]
So, anyway, I sit down and I'm just there by myself. Yeah, that's the way I like it. I order a drink, I don't really know, its just a liquid to keep my body going. Just like food, I can't stress enough how disgusting food is, and gaining weight! I'd literally kill myself if I was five pounds heavier. [Note to self: Start taking weight loss pills, can NOT reach those triple digits!]
I'm just sitting there when some guy walks up.
"Hey, do you know how much a penguin weighs?" He asks as he invites himself to sit down at my booth.
"I don't know." I say. "But I have a feeling you're about to tell me."
"Enough to break the ice. Hi, my name's Greg." He says.
I just stare at him.
He looks back at me.
"Well, I know when I'm not wanted."
"Yeah, you would know," I say. "Greg!"
And he walks off.
"Punkass!" I shout at him.
What does he think I am? A vessel for his cum? Fuck guys! All they are, are dicks with bodies attached to themselves.
Idea.
Arm.
Waiter.
Drink.
Refill.
Cherry.
Trash.
I look to my side and there's a bunny looking up at me from the seat we're both sitting on. I have a blank stare on my face.
"Hey." The bunny says to me, it has the cutest voice! Like a little girl!
"Oh, you are the cutest thing I've ever seen!"
"Don't let them do it!"
"Do what?" I ask.
"Human expansionism."
"What?! You're silly bunny!"
"No, listen!"
"Okay." I smile, she's so cute, youdontevenknow!
"Human expansionism, its a big deal."
"Are you like a punk rock bunny? Like stick it to the man, and fuck the police, and all that?" I ask.
"The only reason humans started doing that, was to find more room to grow food and procreate their species."
"Do all bunnies use such big words?" I ask her.
"And now all humans are going to become the same sex, because there are two x chromosomes as oppose to the one y chromosome."
"I just want to tell you bunny, I cheated off of Sean Eightly in bio!" Which is sad, because he died.
"So you'd think that the men would die if the number of women to men outweighed men to women, right?"
"Right!" I shout.
"Yes! Which is why the human race will evolve. Men will be able to become women, and so forth. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"I do!" I yell and laugh! "Men, won't be such pigs!"
"Wrong!"
"What?" I ask.
"It means, everything about human civilization would shake. So much is determined about a person by race and sex, if those were things humans could just change when they saw fit, the civilization would be on the edge of destruction."
"I'm lost bunny!" I say.
And just like that, she was gone.

"Hey, Girl. What's up?"
"Huh, wha?" I ask, as I look up to the voice that called me.
"Where's your binky?" Its Liisa, she sits down next to me, Jeff and Linda are with her.
"What?"
"Your binky, you're grinding your teeth like crazy." She says.
"Oh, its in my bag, let me get it." Yeah, I don't want to ruin my perfectly straight and white teeth. I chew on that now, much better. I hate it, when you're sitting with people and all they do is talk about the fun times they had, and all those times happen to be when you weren't there. Yeah, I can totally relate to you. Haha ha ha! Yeah, and remember the time-
And that one time-
And then he said-
Oh, yeah! And then she said-
Geeze, what's the point of going out if all you're going to do is think about the past? No one needs the past, all its filled with is heartache and pain.
So I'm bored and I start to stare at the cherries in my glass. The stems seem to have gotten bigger and the three of them are swimming around now. There are three cherry tadpoles swimming in my drink.
Yum.
But before I could drink them, they jump out of the glass and flop around on the table as they rapidly grow into frogs. I look around,
And that one time-
Yeah, and she said-
I know right!
"Hey!" One of the frogs says to me.
I mumble back.
"Huh?" He shouts back.
"Forget it, Fredrick. Just tell her." Its so cute, they all have British accents.
"Okay, Henry." Fredrick says. "You there. Listen in real good!"
"You tell her, Freddy." The third says.
"Well, I would, Conner if you'd let me!" He shouts. "Anyway, listen up. You've heard all of this before. You might not think so, but let me assure you, little lady, you have." He's like a little general or something.
"Frogs can never go extinct, there are some types that can change their gender in order to keep the frogs alive. Watch, Conner would you demonstrate?"
The third frog walks forward and starts to convulse, and-
Tah dah!
Two boys one girl.
Impressive.
"Now, go home and you should have all the clues to figure this all out." Freddy says to me.
I get up, and run off. The three of them are having too much fun with the past to even notice.
Harder.
Better.
Faster.
Stronger.
I'm home and I'm running at full speed when I burst through the door.
"Mom!" I shout, out of breath, my red wig is falling off. "Did I get a package?"
"Yeah." She calls out from another room. "Its on the counter in the kitchen."
"Thanks!" I walk into the kitchen. And there it is; a brown package sitting there waiting for me. I walk over, my heart is racing. I'm not sure if its because I was just running, my pills, or my excitement, but I bet my mom can hear it.
I open it.
There we go; Rabbit's Foot and a bunch of photos of street signs.
WTF!?
Lame.
[I have anger]
[I have sadness]
[I have destruction]
[I have pills]
All is well.
So after I cleaned the kitchen, and went to bed, I had a dream. I dreamt that I was in a white room, there was nothing on any of the walls, nor the floor, not even the ceiling. All was white. White. And I was wearing a white gown, like the ones you wear when you're in the hospital. I was little back then, and had a bunny rabbit in one arm, and a keyring with rabbit's feet keychains on it. And in the dream I felt hollow, no, that's not the right description. I felt like something was wrong with my insides, like I was about to fall apart. And as I looked down at my legs, my stomach ripped open, and my guts poured out just hung there, in a mound on the floor. And I just stood there looking down.


-Sir Jestro