The Rabbit's Foot: Chapter Eight

"Yeah, hi."
"Trevor!" I scream into my phone.
"This is Trevor, leave me message, and I'll, uhh, call you back."
BEEP!
"Trevor, you'll never guess where I am; 312 Bunny Dr. Call me back A.S.A.P. Bye!"
I'm still in my car, the windows are fogged up, but I'm not sure if its because I'm panicking or because of the cold. "I'm freaking out. Call me when you get this, bye."
I can't just sit in my car crying and sweating off all my makeup, I wont be a person when I walk out. So I roll down the windows, let the hot air billow out, and reapply my face.
Ten minutes later, yeah sweat smears, I walk out of my car. I can't stand this anymore.
I walk onto the sidewalk. A thousand nerves fly from my toes to my heart, fear.
Its called fear. I look up at this abandoned building, and fear flys through me.
A feeling I haven't felt in, I can't remember when. But I think maybe this place and I have some kind of history together? I slowly walk up the five steps to the two glass door.
A white room.
I turn around to see if maybe Trevor is here yet, no cars on the road. I look back at the two glass doors.
A white room, there are windows.
I put my arm out to touch the door handle; there's no lock or chain on either of the doors. My arm reaches for the handle.
A white room, there are windows. These windows, like mirrors, do not look outward, but instead, they show you the face of who you are. There are figures within the mirrors, holding their clipboards, watching with note taking eyes. The light from their observation rooms fill the white room with light. The walls are bare. The floor is made of sponge.
I take hold of the metal handle and pull the left door open. I walk inside, the door slams behind me.
You feel ready to burst, ready to fall apart. Like a broken toy. You are holding something that is very dear to you, and holding your best friends. You look down, at the sponge floor, you look down. And out pours who you used to be. Your stomach rips apart like a broken watermelon, the chunks of your former self flop to the floor like dying fish.
As the door slams lights flicker on. I see a long hallway and as I walk down it I can't help but feel like I've walked down this hallway before. But now it feels smaller. I don't know where I'm going, but I feel drawn by something.
The pieces lie in front of you on the floor. The pieces of who you used to be call out at you like an aborted baby. They reach out to you, your first miscarriage. Their hands dig into the sponge all around you as they pull themselves toward you. As you run for safety the blood that continues to fall hardens into thorns, like those from a rose bush, cutting you in more places. The cycle continues.
I walk to the end of the hallway, and my body turns left. I walk into a white room, with spongy floors. My heart stops beating. I fall to the floor. I lie there, on the floor, too afraid to move, too afraid to cry, I just lie there.
I hear a sound come from down the hall, it sounds like the front door opening. Trevor's here at last! As I start to get up with my fear suddenly gone, I fall right back to the ground.
Its that asshole Jason, why did he follow me here?
"You scared the shit outta' me!" I yell at him. I close my eyes and let out a deep breath. Oh, I got myself worked up, I feel so stupid. Then I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders.
I open my eyes and Jason's on top of me. He's smiling. I stare at him. He stares right back; I'm gonna rape you. That's the look on his face, I can see into his eyes, I see my purity slowly being fucked out of me, by some fucking stoner!
"Get off of me!" I scream but he shifts his weight allowing himself to cover my mouth while keeping me pinned to the floor.
"Just shut the fuck up, and gimmie what I want, whore." He says in my ear, his sandpaper five 'o clock shadow scratches my face. I'm beginning to feel sick. He removes his hand. "Or I'll take it." He pulls a knife out and presses it against my neck, it pricks me. I can feel myself start to bleed.
With tears building in the sides of my eyes, I lie there. As my peripheral vision begins to blur into a watery grey, I feel his hands crawl around my legs. They move from my calves to between my thighs, and there they stop.
"What the fuck?" He says, and just like that I pounce. We roll around struggling until I finally grab the knife. With pure instincts I thrust the sharp end into the side of his face. He falls to the floor and I stab him in the face until I run out of adrenaline. I take one more stab and fall into my lap, and I keep crying. With my hands shaking, I lift my skirt.
I remember now, being younger. There were just a few of us. The doctors said they would change us. But I remember the other kids dying, and the doctors telling me that they were fine. To keep these rabbit's feet to remind me of them, that they were with god now, and happy. So whenever I would get sad, I would talk to the rabbit's feet. Only two of us, before the doctors left. They had told us we would be great things to the world, that everyone would love us. Why did they leave us then?
We were so small back then, I remember a lady taking me away and telling me I was gonna be a happy little girl, that the bad men wouldn't ever get me, ever again. But as I grew up, I didn't grow the way all the other girls did. My mother ignored it, she said there was nothing wrong with me. But I knew deep down, I knew all along. I knew that those doctors tried changing our genders. I knew all along I was born a little boy. But I guess somewhere along the years, I forgot. I let my mother's lies, and the lies of everyone else, become my reality. My alternative reality.
As I lie there, covered in blood, castrating my abomination, Trevor walks in. The other one. The little girl when I was a little boy. But she wouldn't never acknowledge it. She would never acknowledge the fact that she was in fact a girl. So I just sat there crying about how I had been almost raped, and that I had killed Jason in self-defense. Then a few minutes later the cops and paramedics come in. They cuff me up, it hurts like a bitch. And a few hours later I'm in a hospital with my brother where I thank him for waking me up.
Now I'm going to bite out my tongue.
God I love trance.

The Rabbit's Foot
Written By: Ryan "Jestro" Romero