SFG Remixed Chapter One

"Sometimes, I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion." Ω says as he turns into the left to his left. [Jestro] looks up from his laptop to look at him.
"Sometimes, I doubt your commitment to The Guild." [Jestro] says.
"Fuck The Guild, yo. I worked up from the bottom." Ω says.
"Yeah, yeah. You've told me a thousand times, 'I used to be the best drifter in Greece, I even invaded Japan.' Dude, the story's old." [Jestro] turns back to his laptop.
"How else do you think I could get a car like this!?" Ω shouts then motions to his car. It was a red Mazda RX7, with the steering column on the right side, as if that meant it was a better car than a Mazda RX7 with the steering column on the left, as was typical when you lived in America.
"I'm not doubting that you went to Japan and got this car, or that you drift. We all watch you every Saturday night." [Jestro] says typing away.
"Actually, they added a new day this season."
"Wait, you have seasons?"
"Well, yeah. The sun sets earlier in the fall and winter, so we get more cover. Why not race more?" Ω says, getting really excited.
"Oh, that's what you meant by season." [Jestro] says. "Anyway, you're driving pretty damn slow, considering school starts in about 30 minutes."
"Yeah, I love men." Ω says tilting his head back to get a look at himself in his rear view mirror. "See that?"
"What, your ugly face?"
"No, my Broadway mirror!" Ω screams. "Every car should have one of these."
"Well, it's a good thing I don't own a car then, huh?"
"All you've got is that laptop and those big ass headphones!" Ω says as he comes to a stop at a street light.
"What are ass headphones?" [Jestro] asks in an overly sarcastic tone. "Are they headphones that go on my ass? If that were the case, wouldn't they just be called 'assphones'?
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Ω asks. "Assphones."
"Well, I do love a big, nice, juicy ass on a cute girl, not gonna lie." [Jestro] says.
"You like those Mexican girls, huh?" Ω asks becoming impatient with the red light.
"I do, I love me some big booty Mexican girls. But that's not to say there aren't beautiful women from every race."
"What are you a humanitarian now?" Ω asks. "Fuck! Dude, change this light, it's taking forever!"
"Alright, but remember what happened last time I hacked the traffic system." [Jestro] says typing away at his laptop.
"Yeah, we got chased by the cops and got away, wakudo!" Ω says throwing his arms around wildly.
"Okay, then...What street are we on? 2nd and Cedar." [Jestro] says to himself. The light flickered and then turned green. "Boom!" He shouts.
"That was good."
"Everybody gets one." [Jestro] says. "Dude, seriously it's 7am now, hurry up!"
"7 am? My clock right here," Ω motions to the clock on his dash. "says it's only 5:18. We've still got two hours."
"That clock is wrong!"
"Nope, you're running on Ω time now!" He says. Just then he and [Jestro] both received a text message.

"The infamous "Twisted Metal" has broken out of custody this morning. She is considered extremely dangerous, be careful. The bounty on her head is currently 50 thousand Credits. Today's word of the day is: Orange."
-The Guild

"Dude, it looks like I can finally buy that Psyche processor I've been wanting!" [Jestro] screams like a little Asian girl.
"I'm gonna get that kill, bitch."
"Don't act like such a baby. The Guild have cameras all over the world, they'll clearly see you're involved in the kill. I'll just end up getting the kill bonus, whereas you'll get the driver bonus. That'd be enough for lunch tomorrow, right?" [Jestro] asks teasingly.
"Yeah, fuck you. I'm getting that kill." Ω says angrily.
"Stop acting like a damn n00b, Ω. We both know she won't be flying solo. Just kill some of her minions."
"I don't wanna!" He screams.
"Dude, calm down-"
"I'M GETTING THAT KILL BONUS!" Ω screams as he shifts into a higher gear and flies onto the freeway.
"Shit, chill the fuck out...C41212105!" [Jestro] says covering his mouth and making an "Ohhhhh!" sound.
"Get out!" Ω screams to [Jestro]. He rolls the window down.
"Alright, but first..." [Jestro] types some stuff on his laptop, then closes it. Then he puts it in his backpack. "Call 김재민, tell him I might need some help." Then [Jestro] climbs out of Ω's window and gets on the hood.

"We're on the 14 freeway, hurry up. [Jestro]'s a bitch."

Ω sends the text to 김재민. Then he looks out his windshield, [Jestro] is still on the hood. Just then five super charged monster mustang GTs surrounded Ω's RX7. [Jestro] waved to them and pulled his cell phone out. "Yo, DJ Machete is on ATTIC Radio, right?"
"Yeah." Ω replied, as he turned the radio station on. "God speed, Spiderman." Then [Jestro] leaped off of Ω's car into the air. He touched a button on his headphones and from them extended a black tar-like substance that covered his whole body. He crashed down on one of the monster mustangs covered in a high tech super suit.
DJ Machete plays Dr. Shavargo Pt. 3 by Attack! Attack!.
One of the mustangs rear ended Ω which made him swerve throughout the four lane freeway. A car honked at him, he looked at it and it was none other than C41212105.
"Watch it, dick!" He giggled swerving his '09 M9 BMW out of the way.
"Fuck you, rich boy!" Ω screams.
"Gotta go, Ω. I have to have sex with my hot and attractive girlfriend, bye!" Then he sped off into the distance.
Flash back to [Jestro] still on the hood of one of the mustangs.
"I need a weapon." He says to himself and imagines a glok 18, the one Morpheus used in The Matrix: Reloaded. Then, in the small of his back, a gun appeared. He grabbed it and fired into the windshield. He emptied nearly his entire clip on the one mustang before leaping to another one, and just as he did, the car hit the center divider and exploded. The car swerved under his weight but recovered quickly.
Above them, a few hundred feet ahead stood the living ninja, 김재민. He leaped off of the bridge overlooking the freeway, over the fencing and slammed down onto one of the mustangs, toppling it into the air over his slender body.
"Two down, three to go." [Jestro] thoughts as he sped past the newly wrecked mustang and waved to 김재민 who waved back as the car crushed down in front of him. He ran with the flow of traffic and pulled a knife from his jacket pocket. He dove into a passing semi-truck, stabbing the side of it. He then lunged himself on top of it.
Ω was frustrated that both 김재민 and [Jestro] had gotten a kill, so he sped up in front of the following cars. He skidded to a stop a few hundred feet ahead of them and got out.
"Driver bonus my ass!" He screams to himself and whips his beam katana [think light saber but made by the Japanese]. He pushes a button on it and the bright neon purple beam extended from it. He walked against the flow of traffic, head on toward the mustangs. One of them sped up and prepared to hit Ω, but little did he know, Ω was a Jedi...of sorts. With his beam katana in his right hand, Ω lifted his left hand and then firmly balled it. The entire back end of the mustang imploded and sent the front end of the car into the air. With the car flying over his head he sliced the bottom of it. Needless to say, the car exploded shortly there after. Ω then remembered he was standing in the middle of the freeway and ran back into his car as the others passed him, [Jestro] flipped him off.
"Three down." [Jestro] said and before he could pull the trigger and barrage of bullets flew out of the windshield at him. He did a back handspring on the ground and threw himself up in the air. He landed on the roof of the same mustang. "Whoa, did NOT think I was going to pull that one off." Then he back flipped back onto the hood of the car. He kicked his foot into the shattered windshield and grabbed hold of the steering wheel with his foot. He glanced behind himself and saw that they would soon be crossing a bridge overlooking a shallow river. He spun his leg around and the car swerved off the road. It broke through the safety rail and flew down towards the shallow river. [Jestro] ran to the end of the car, still falling mind you, and dove off. As he flew through the air he imagined a grappling hook shooting from his wrist and so five long claws grew from his wrist and shot out to the freeway. They stuck fast into the thick concrete and [Jestro] quickly climbed up the thin chains coming out of it. The car hit the bottom of the knee deep river and exploded.
"One left." [Jestro] said as Ω and 김재민 chased Twisted Metal down the freeway. "Well, how the fuck am I going to get out of this one?" He then imagined a motorcycle coming out of his legs, but nothing happened. "FUCK!" He said and kicked the air.
김재민 saw Twisted Metal's mustang smashing into Ω's RX7. He leaped off of the semi-truck and crushed down on the back end of her car. She slammed onto her breaks and 김재민 lost his footing and flew forward, his legs smacking against the rear window. He slammed his knife into the hood of her car and spun himself around and broke through the windshield. He then sat himself in the passenger seat and looked around. Twisted Metal was a gorgeous tall blond with her left eyebrow pierced and big lips.
"This is a nice car." He said with a smile. She just looked at him, confused. There was a long silence. "Thank you, is usually the typical response to a statement like that." Another long silence.
"But aren't you-"
"I'll wait." He said and put his seatbelt on.
"...Thank you?" She said.
"You're welcome." He said with a blush. Just then [Jestro] slammed down on the hood of her car.
"It's time to die bitch--Wait, 김재민?! Dude, what the fuck!?" He screamed peering into the car.
"Dude, stop being a cock-block!" 김재민 screamed and smacked [Jestro]'s leg.
"Bitch, I'm trying to get paid!" [Jestro] said just as Twisted Metal slammed onto her breaks. Her car hit Ω's parked car and [Jestro] flew forward tumbling against the hard asphalt. Ω stood just next to [Jestro] with his beam katana out.
"Twisted Metal, come out and PLLLAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!" He screamed. He ran and jumped over his wrecked car and sliced down onto her car, slicing half of the top off. She crawled out of the window and tried running away but as she did her head exploded. Ω looked back and saw [Jestro] pointing his gun at her, the barrel still smoking. He flipped his gun and holstered it in the small of his back and walked up to his two friends.
"Well, that was fun, wasn't it?" He says.
"Yeah!" 김재민 agrees with overzealous joy.
"Wait...did I win!? Holy shit, Ω I think I won!" [Jestro] says dancing in front of Ω, who's pissed. He reaches out and touches one of [Jestro]'s headphones, his suit retracts. [Jestro] falls to the floor screaming. "Ow! Get me some icy hot! Fuck!"
"Haha, nig hat! That's what you get for programing all those new gadgets into your suit! Try stretching next time!" [Jestro] curls into the fetal position, his muscles aching.
"Yeah!" 김재민 agrees with overzealous joy. Ω turns to face him.
"Get the fuck out of that car, we've got school to get to. Come on." Then the two of them leave [Jestro] in the middle of the freeway and head off to school.
"Wait! Don't leave me on land!" He screams as they fade into a tiny little dented dot.

-Sir Jestro