The Jizzenator: Chapter 4

Burn
" This world rejects me," The Fuzz said while getting a yoo-hoo out of the fridge. " What?" Right-Hand Boy asked The Fuzz while watching a ballpark frank spin around as it cooked.
" Oh! Nothing! I was just taking to myself." The Fuzz said with his yoo-hoo floating in the air above him. " So are you gonna get that hot dog?"
" Hell no! I'm no fucking fag, I'm a burrito guy," Right-Hand Boy screamed. " But look, doesn't this hot dog look kinda like something that'd kill you if you ate it?"
" Not really, why?" The Fuzz asked.
" I dunno, I just have never liked those liquor store hot dogs, never trusted 'em." Right-Hand Boy said.
" Okay?" The Fuzz said.
" Let's go to the counter and ring this stuff up." Said Right-Hand Boy. On the way to the counter they saw a young man walk out of his black Toyota pick-up and walk into the store. The young man walked over to the magazine stand and bought all the men's muscle magazines. On his t-shirt he had a Target name tag that had the name, Sean, and he wreaked of pubes.
In the line he stood behind a 7 foot tall man in a teal colored suit of armor. In his hands were various adult magazines, a bottle of Johnsons lotion, tissue paper, and sweet pickles.
Then a short woman with braces on her wrists came out of Sean's pick-up.
" God dammit! Mom stay in the damn car!" Sean screamed.
" Just shut the hell up!" She replied.
" Fuck, you stupid ass bitch, get in the god damn car!" He screamed again.
" Don't do this to me Sean, don't do this to me!" She screamed.
" Shut the hell up mom!" Then he noticed that their dogs had gotten out of his small pick-up. " You fuckin' dumb ass bitches." He put down his magazines and ran outside, as he ran past her he bumbed into her sending her to the ground.
" Oh my god!!!!!" She screamed. " Help me! Help me Sean! I'm too fat I can't get up!"
Right-Hand Boy and The Fuzz walked in line just behind the teal suited man.
" Well, all I was saying Cortana, was that sometimes it might be better if we just separated for a while." The Man said. " No, I wasn't saying that! I- I was-... Would You Please Let Me Speak!" The Fuzz and Right-Hand Boy jumped back as with everyone else in the store.
" I wasn't saying I don't want you around it's just that when I think about having sweating hot sex with Captain Keyes' Daughter you always get offended!" The Man was clearly Master Chief.
" Oh, you always have to throw that one at me huh? Well I never chose to be this way! I would have preferred not to be super-human, if I knew it'd make my Fucking Dick Shrink!" The Fuzz began to laugh.
" Yeah, just because I'm a fuckin' one man army doesn't mean I don't need a little bit pussy now and again!" There was a pause and everyone in the store was watching Master Chief.
" Oh, good one like I hadn't thought of that before, do you know how long it takes to take off this god damn suit! Forty-Nine and a half minutes! Yes, I counted! Like you said Cortana 'I should just fucking flogg my chicken!' Fuckin' bitch!" Master Chief looked around. " Shit." Then he put his stuff on the ground and walked out pulling a chip out of his helmet and smashing into pieces with his foot." Fuckin' cunt. I need to kill me a Grunt."
Then Right-Hand Boy and The Fuzz walked up to the counter to pay for their Yoo-hoos and burritos.
" Would that be all?" The Clerk asked not looking at the two. Then The Fuzz put a packet of Trojans, MAGNUM! Magnum! Magnum on the counter. Then the Clerk looked at them.
" Holy shit! It's you! That kid who was with the prevert!" It was Mr. Arab Piece Of Crap.
" Yeah, hey how are you?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" HEY! Hey you!" Mr. Arab Piece Of Crap screamed at a shoplifter. " Put that shit down mother fucker!" The Shoplifter was a man with a neon green ski mask on, a black jumpsuit on and perfectly manicured fingernails.
" You'll never take me alive! For I am the Famous Shoplifter Of New Scank City! Known as Sneaky Weasil, no relation to the guy from TTP, they rock my cock off."
" You'd better put that shit back Mother Fucker! Because in my country shoplifters are Flated until they die." Mr. Arab Piece Of Crap said.
" What does 'Flated' mean?" Right-Hand Boy asked The Fuzz.
" I think he means Oral Sex." The Fuzz replied.
" You, know I wouldn't mind dying that way, if the chick was hot I mean." Right-Hand Boy said.
" Yeah, I got you." The Fuzz said.
" And! If she didn't have any S.T.D.s or anything. Because you can never be too careful nowadays." Right-Hand Boy said.
" But, you'd be dead after that why do you care?" The Fuzz asked.
" Yeah, but I want to look good when I'm dead, I never want to look like The Jizzenator." He said.
" Good point, he's one ugly motha'... ew." The Fuzz said.
" I said, 'Put the shit down!'" Mr. Arab Piece Of Crap yelled yet again.
" FUCK!" The Fuzz screamed. Everyone looked at him. " Nothing's going to get done by just standing here dickin' around! You!" He looked at Sneaky Weasil. " Wall!" Then Sneaky Weasil was sent flying into a wall.
" God Fucking Damit!" Mr. Arab Piece Crap screamed. " I just got that wall fixed!"
" Shut the fuck up!" The Fuzz yelled and walked out with his items floating beside him.
" Wait! You have to p-"
" I already paid for them you piece of shit!" The Fuzz said as he created a ten dollar bill on the counter. They left.
" Hey, Fuzz! What was that all about?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" I didn't want to miss her." The Fuzz said.
" What? Who?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" Oh, Hi,there Sweetie. How are you?" Elizabeth asked as she walked by.
" Um, I'm okay." Right-Hand Boy said. " So how have you b-"
" Sorry, Honey but I have to get to work before my boss pulls out, I have something to show him. Well, I'll see you 'round mmkay? Bye!" Then she was gone. " Let's go."
" Where are we going?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" To fifth and wallnut." The Fuzz said. Right-Hand Boy laughed. " To stop The Incredible Flamming Man!"
" Who?"
" Let's just go."
" Wait, how do you? Oh, damn you and your knowingness of everything." Right-Hand Boy said as they walked to Fifth and Wallnut (giggle giggle).
As the duo turned the corner onto Fifth and Wallnut they saw that a huge building was aflame! And a man was prancing around like a queer.
" I'm the INCREDIBLE FLAMMING MAN (Insert Crappy European Techno Music)." " Hey isn't that the prodigy song you know from the guys who wrote that song, 'My Bitch Woke Up And I Smacked Her'?
" No I believe that the song is called 'Smack My Bitch Up'." Said The Fuzz who was busy destroying nearby camera phones.
" What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more." The Incredible Flamming Man sang with the music.
" Hey, doesn't Shaggy sing that song." Asked Right-Hand Boy.
" No you stupid heterosexual it's by...Wait hold on a sec." Said The Incredible Flaming Man. The Incredible Flaming Man then pulled a Boost Mobile cellphone.
" Where you at?...You're at the mall with Lance...You bitch! I'm so jealous...Uh Huh...Oh my god, shut up!...Shut the hell up!... when I heard that i was like 'what?' phst...Anyways, you're at the mall with Lance, I can't believe it you stupid ass bitch (Insert gay/British laughter). Said The Incredible Flaming Man.
Across the street looking up was The Fuzz with his eye twitching because of the incredible gayness of the Incredible Flaming Man.
" Gay mallrat...talking...gay on cellphone...must ( Camera zooms to an extreme close up of The Fuzzs' mouth) Eliminate." Said The Fuzz.
" Go get em'." Said Right-Hand Boy. Now we've all watched Dragonball Z and I know at one time we were all fans, but Dragonball Z sucks seven huge Dragonballz, but that's besides the point. See when they charge up you know the ground shakes around them and a crater appears like a bomb exploding in slow motion. Now The Fuzz does this but instead of screaming like a little bitch and powering up for a whole episode,he screams out "I'm gonna burn this whole world down!" The part of the Nine Inch Nails song ' Burn' where Trent Reznor hits that high note and everyone who hears that says, "Whoa...that was bad ass." You know what part I'm talking about.
So The Fuzz flies through the air right up near The Incredible Flamming Man.
" Hey, Queermo!" The Incredible Flamming Man turned around with his jaw hanging low, like Bryan's brother Jason's gym shorts. " Yeah, I'm talkin' to you!"
" Hang On Sergio. Some little fuzz ball is talking to me." He put his hand over the mouth piece. " Yes, May I help you?"
" Put the phone down and walk away and no one gets hurt."
" What? Did you just say you want me to get off my phone?" He removed his hand from the mouth piece. " Oh my god, Sergio that little fuzz ball totally just asked me to get off of my phone.....I know I was like " What? Did you just ask me to get of my phone?" I know...Oh, my god yeah.... He looks like a total ball of pubic hair, Gross!... Yeah, it's like 'Calling All Razors!' But can you believe that?"
The Fuzz had had enough. Because the one thing he hated more than cell phones was Courtney Love, but as of right now all he wanted to do was destroy that phone. " Hey, Queermo!" He yelled out.
" Oh, my god. Sergio let me call you back." He put his phone in his pocket. " What do you want? And my name's not Queermo it's Chad."
" Well, whatever your name is, Mr. Incredible Flamming Man, you'd better get rid of that phone or I'm gonna kick the shit out of you!"
" Oh, my god. I'm sooo scared! Bitch, you don't even know what kind of power I posses."
" Yeah, I do." The Fuzz said.
" Oh, really?" He replied.
" Yeah, you're so gay that matter itself burns down around you. You are the lord of the flammers." The Fuzz said. " Well, no one ever put it that way, but yes! Yes I am! I am the lord of the flammers!" He raised his hand in the air, with the broken wrist and all, then let it drop. " But every time I touch a man, I don't know they just get hurt."
" Wow, that tears at my heart." The Fuzz said sarcastically. " But that still doesn't excuse you from using a cell phone."
" Oh, my god! Do you want to pit your money where your mouth is?" The Incredible Flamming Man asked moving his arms like he was a ghetto black girl, oh! I'm sorry, a discontent minority of African heritage who comes from a lower end of society's food chain. Meaning The Man hates them and looks down upon them with a angry eye.
" Hold on The Fuzz! The Jizzenator is here!" The Jizzenator screamed as he leaped onto the roof of the building where The Fuzz and The Incredible Flamming Man were.
" What? Who are you?" The Incredible Flamming Man asked.
" Jizzenator!" Right-Hand Boy screamed as he ran out of the roof staircase entrance thing. " What the hell? You made me walk up twenty fucking stories when we both knew you can jump to the top!" " Well, I didn't see you anywhere Right-hand Boy!" The Jizzenator said.
" Fuck you, okay! There's a god damn building on fire with a super villain onto of it and you don't bother to think that we're there?" Right-Hand Boy was abnormally angry towards The Jizzenator.
" Alright, Right-Hand Boy I'm sorry, but you must have been climbing those stairs much sooner than I had arrived." The Jizzenator brought up a valid point.
" Come on guys! We have bigger fish to fry!" The Fuzz said.
" Yeah, your right, The Fuzz." The Jizzenator said.
They all three looked at The Incredible Flamming Man.
" What the hell is this? A gang-bang? If so, 'Come On Baby Light My Fire!" Then he shot a fire ball of pure flamming gayness at the trio.
" Shit!" Right-Hand Boy screamed as he kicked the crank to The Concealer Of Justice. The Jizz Cannon then flew out and Right-Hand Boy cranked The Jizzenator off with ear shattering speed.
The Flamming Ball of Pure Gayness and The Jizz Wad collided, but the flame was no match for the Jizz Wad. The Jizz Wad went straight through the flamming ball and extinguished it instantly.
" What? My Flamming Ball Of Pure Gayness is useless against this man's cum. What am I to do?" The Incredible Flamming Man contemplated this thought. " I'll have to attack them with my dance skills, Lord of the Flame!" He began to river dance and prance around like a complete moron on ecstasy. The flames began to grow and swallow the building up.
" How the hell are we going to get out of here with out looking like burnt wieners, Right-Hand Boy?" The Jizzenator asked. Then Right-Hand Boy thought to himself.
" Use The Jizzooka Right-Hand Boy." The Fuzz called out.
" That's a good idea! I'd forgotten about that." Then Right-Hand Boy ran next to the Jizz Cannon and knelt down. He then held the Jizz Cannon over his left shoulder like a bazooka, then he took the handle of the Jizz Cannon and spun it down like a gaint trigger to a bazooka. He fired. SPLAT!!
" Yes!" The Jizzenator screamed. " You're putting out the fire Right-Hand Boy, but it wasn't enough with just that one shot. Fire again and again or until the fire is completely out."
" Alright, here we go." Right-Hand Boy said as he took his second shot, then his third, and so on, up until he had fired seven shots. The Jzzenator could barely contain himself, he was screaming and moaning uncontrollably, he was losing balance as well.
" Just a little bit more." Right-Hand Boy said as he continued to fire.
" Oh, my god!" Someone down below watching screamed. " The Jizz is putting out the fire!"
" Yeah, thanks for pointing out the obvious lady." Fan Boy said as he stood next to her. " I'm going up to help them now." Just then The Incredible Flamming Man realized that he could melt the Jizzenator's ammo and continue his flamming reign of fire.
" Dammit!" Right-Hand Boy yelled as he saw The Incredible Flamming Man start to melt The Jizzenator's ammo. " The Fuzz what the hell do we do?"
" We have to use Fan Boy." He said.
" No! I fuckin' hate that little bitch." Right-Hand Boy said still holding The Jizzooka.
" There's no other way Right-Hand Boy!" The Fuzz said.
" Dammit!" Right-Hand Boy screamed. " Fine! get him up here!" And just like that The Fuzz brought Fan Boy on top of the burning building.
" Hey, guys!" He said. Right-Hand Boy walked straight up to him.
" Okay, Fan Boy I'm going to be straight forward with you. I hate you, you're fucking annoying as hell and you have the stupidist power in the world, but right now you're the only one who can stop The Incredible Flamming Man. So get your ass over there and take that flamming piece of shit out." Right-Hand Boy said to Fan Boy.
" Um, okay?" Fan Boy said. Then he took his GE fan and placed it on the ground pointing at The Incredible Flamming Man.
" Who are you? And what the hell's up with that fan?" The Incredible Flamming Man asked.
Fan Boy thought to himself. " I don't want to be hated, I joined The League of Extrodinary Genitals to get people to like me, but if the League itself hates me how can anyone else like me? I need to defeat this guy and maybe Right-Hand Boy wont hate me anymore." He then put his hand down like he was getting ready for an old western draw.
" I'm Fan Boy." He said.
" Mmmkay?" The Incredible Flamming Man asked meaning ' Yeah, and?' oh, and he stopped dancing by the way.
Fan Boy threw his hand into the air, outstretched, and screamed. " FAN ON!" Thunder and lightning roared and shook the skies above. The earth below them began to rumble. Fear flew into The Incredible Flamming Man's head. Then all at once the thunder and lightning stopped and the earth stopped rumbling, and the the fan in pointing straight at The Incredible Flamming Man hummed to life. It was on a 'one' setting.
"Ahhhh!" The Incredible Flamming Man sceamed. The fan was putting out his flame!
" Look! The fan's putting out that flamming guy's fire!" Shouted the woman who was in the crowd.
The Incredible Flamming Man was screaming in agony not because he couldn't live without being aflame, but because heterosexual thoughts seeped into his cranium.
"No! No!" Thoughts of naked lesbians having sexual intercourse weaved their way into his thoughts. " I've got to fight this! I have to keep the flame alive! Football players, tight Hollister pants on a tall Asian!" Try as he may he could not get his flames to regenerate, because you see the fan put the flames out. They did not however take the gayness from The Incredible Flamming Man, that was just the side-effect of not being aflame. With another agonizing scream he rolled to his right, and out of the fan's range. " Yes! Ball Park Franks!" The flames started to slowly regenerate around The Incredible Flamming Man.
" Turn the fan to the left Fan Boy!" The Jizzenator screamed, he was into this battle.
" Yeah, turn it to the left! Turn it to the left!" Right-Hand Boy yelled. Fan Boy then put his hand in front of his face, and with only his index and middle fingers extended, screamed. The scream was equal to a boy screaming as he is going through puberty. With that scream the fan turned, but it turned to the right.
" No! Turn it to the left you stupid bitch!" Right-Hand Boy yelled.
" It has to finish its cycle before it can change directions!" Fan Boy screamed. Then the fan began to click, click, click, click.
" Look! The fan's stuck!" Shouted that same woman from the crowd.
" Oh, no! Fan Boy you have to fix this problem before it's too late!" The Jizzenator shouted.
" Hit the button on the back!" Right-Hand Boy shouted. " No, kick it Fan Boy!" The Fuzz yelled.
The Incredible Flamming Man was regaining his strength. At the same time Fan Boy ran up to the fan and kicked it like Edward Norton kicked that black guy's head on 'American History X'. You know the 'Bite the curb!' scene, yeah it was bad. Anyway, with that kick the fan spang into action turning to the left.
" Ahhhh!" The Incredible Flamming Man screamed again.
" Now to finish the job!" Fan Boy yelled. Then he threw his hand in the air straight above him. The arrangement of his fingers was the " Shocker" or " Double Penetration" or " Two for the pink and one to stink" arrangement. (For those of you who don't know any of these it is when a person pleasures a female by putting two fingers into her vagina and one into her rectum, yeah pretty gross.) " Super Awesome Omega Level...2!" He screamed as he threw his hand in the air.
The fan hummed to a 'two' setting like so, " mmmmmm...MMMMMM!"
" Ahhhh!" The Incredible Flamming Man screamed.
" Freeze!" Ms. Cummings yelled as she and her team ran onto the roof from the stairs, just as Right-Hand Boy did. " Cuff him boys!" Right-Hand Boy and The Fuzz looked at her longingly.
" Oh, Hi Sweetie!" She said to Right-Hand Boy after they had taken The Incredible Flamming Man into custody.
" Hi, Elizabeth!" He replied.
" Well, I just want to thank you all for helping us nab this pyro." And with that she was gone again.
" Come Right-Hand Boy." The Jizzenator said as he walked down the stairs.
" I already did." He replied.
*NOTE: Bryan and Ryan do not hate gay people. In fact Ryan gets much of the same verbal abuse as they do. Think not that they are being offensive toward gay people, but to the 'Valley Girl' type and to people who can't be seperated from their cell phones. Because there is a difference, not a very big one, but it's still there.
-Bryan and Ryan