The Becoming
Deep in the heart of New Skank City criminals get off by terrorizing and raping the morals and ethics of this once great city. With crooked cops, corrupt CEOs of large corporations who abuse their power like potheads abuse air fresheners, and the lack of Trent Reznor's powerful, aggressive, yet beautiful music in their city, the citizens yearn for a hero to save them from this depression. Their search for a hero would seem to be in vain, if Trent Reznor has no effect then how could some lesser being have one.
Unbeknown to the citizens a hero would soon be born, whoops scratch that make that a bunch of heroes were born, not now just like 20 something years ago or something,it doesn't really matter all you need to know is that there are heroes in the vicinity of New Skank City ( Damn that was one god damn long sentence my negro). Who were these titans of justice who would fish New Skank City out of the endless abyss of greed and apathy? Read on and discover bitch.
In the east end of New Skank City in the Badoww district, lies a small liquor store which would become the location of a turning point in the history of New Skank City. We'll take you inside for a closer look you fuckin' bitches.
"Give me all of your money you arab piece of crap," said an armed robber wearing pantyhose on his head, "or I'll pistol whip you in your gonads and dick slap you in the face, so don't move."
"But I have to move to get the money out of the register." said the arab piece of crap.
"I don't care just give me the money now, and how about you throw in this packet of beef jerky, oooh this bobblehead too..."
One Hour Later
"...and some trojans, her pleasure, Tom likes these. You know Where!" The burglar said while nudging the arab piece of crap with his elbow.
" Is there anything thing else." asked the arab piece of crap in a mildly sarcastic voice.
" Yes, I would like some justice with a side of sausage, mildly spiced Mr.Arab piece of crap." Said a masked one armed man as he read the clerks name-tag 'Mr. Arab Piece of Crap '.
" Who the hell are you." Asked the pantyhose wearing burglar.
"I am the Jizzenator, now come to me Right-Hand Boy." yodeled The Jizzenator.
"Ha Ha you said 'come'."snickered Right-Hand Boy.
"Enough of your silly antics, we have justice to serve and sausage to eat, now crank me off Right-Hand Boy." screamed The Jizzenator.
Some superheros have utility belts, but not The Jizzenator, he has a crank powered cup where all his superhero paraphernalia lies. They call this, The Concealer of Justice. He also wears a seman stained cape, tights, and high top sneekers, oh! and he's got one of those Spanish mustachios and one of those eye masks they wear at fancy balls, damn those fancy S.O.B.s and their balls. Right-Hand Boy on the other hand (get it right hand, other hand!) looks much like any other thirteen year old, with a black beany with the N.I.N. logo on it, that black and red T-shirt that Trent Reznor wore in the "Closer" music video you know which one I mean, jeans, and vans skate shoes. Right-Hand Boy gets his name from the fact that his right hand is abnormally larger than any normal person's hand.
Right-Hand Boy began to turn the crank lowering the cup like a drawbridge. Tons and tons of hair poured out of The Concealer of Justice and Right-Hand Boy began to sift through it. Out of the pubic jungle emerged a larger penis. This penis was three feet long and had a diameter of a foot and a half. This heavy piece equipment known as The Jizz Cannon, was covered in burnt flesh as well as pieces of metal which protruded out of it. There was a handle that was able to slide up and down the shaft of The Jizz Cannon. Right-Hand Boy jumped onto The Jizz Cannon, straddling it. Then he firmly grasped the handle of The Jizz Cannon. Just then a cross hair popped up from the tip of The Jizz Cannon, then Right-Hand Boy began to vigorously motion the handle up and down The Jizz Cannon. Just as he began to motion the handle, a speedometer showed up near the tip of the cannon and once it reached 88 mph. it would be ready to fire. Faster and faster Right-Hand Boy moved the handle, back and forth, up and down. Twenty seconds later the meter was at 89.5 mph. so Right-Hand Boy pulled the handle close to him so that it locked in, and simultaneously a red button the size of a soda can popped up from The Jizz Cannon. Right-Hand Boy slammed the button down,thus making The Jizzenator scream in ecstasy,simultaneously launching, The Jizz Wad(insert echo echo echo, well, yeah it'll echo)!
"Huh?" Asked the pantyhose wearing burglar. The Jizz Wad went speeding through the store slamming into the pantyhoes wearing burglar sending him straight into the wall, causing him to stick to it.
"Oh! It's all in my mouth and all over! I can taste it! It's all tangy, bittersweet. Now I know why girls give head but I'm telling you guys I would not swallow." The pantyhose wearing burglar said to Mr. Arab Piece of Crap, The Jizzenator, and Right-Hand Boy.
"Boys papa needs help to take care of these bitches."Said the pantyhose wearing burglar while eating the Jizzenators ammo.
Then all of a sudden a dozen pantyhose wearing transvestite gang members with machine guns danced into the store spraying bullets everywhere in hopes to kill the crime fighting duo.
After ducking behind the clerks counter The Jizzenator
yodeled,"We're knee deep in man sauce this time Right-Hand Boy."
Who was waiting by the microwave drinking a slushie while waiting for his chimichanga to be done.
"Huh what did you say?"Replied Right-Hand Boy
"What course of action do you think we should take".Yodeled The Jizzenator who was poking at his ammo and sniffing it curiously.
After finishing his yummy snack Right-Hand Boy dove behind the counter to The Jizzenator trapping himself behind it.
"You're the worst god damn super hero ever Jizzenator, for gods sake I'm your thirteen year old sidekick come up with your own plan of attacks I'm sick and tired of doing everything while you just stand around yodeling and being a stupid idiot."Said Right-Hand Boy who was desperately trying to fight the urge to kick the shit out of The Jizzenator.
"But how how are we going to get out of this Right-Hand Boy". Asked The Jizzenator who was crying like a bitch and yodeling out of tune.
After a few moments of contemplating Right-Hand Boy spoke out loud,"Shit...What the hell would Max Payne do in a situation like this?"
Unbeknown to them Max Payne was crouching behind the stack of pain killers."My mind was like a spiral staircase and the further down I went the rustier the steps became,and the intangible rain fell down upon me like a noose of melancholy that was wrapped tightly around my neck."
"So what would you do?"Asked Right-Hand Boy.
"It held me there, every time I tried to move it would grasp more tightly around my neck. And sitting in a situation like this with bullets grazing through the air like birds taking flight one must realize they should face the music."
" Right! Okay thanks Max!" The Jizzenator said. " I know what I must do Right-Hand Boy!" He peaked his head around the corner of the counter in hopes to try and find the machine gun wielding gang members, but as he turned that corner one of them had him point blank in their sight and took fire. The bullets impaled The Jizzenator turning his face into swiss cheese.
" Holy crap dude!" Right-Hand Boy said as he laughed out loud.
" Wight-And Oi!" The Jizzenator tried to say.
" Yeah?" Right-Hand Boy replied.
" I eed oo too get ee eye cream." The Jizzenator struggled to communicate.
" What you want Ice Cream? You know this may not be the right time for this." Right-Hand Boy said.
" No! Eye Cream!" The Jizzenator screamed.
" Eye cream...the hell is that?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" Eye Cream!" The Jizzenator screamed yet again only this time pointing at his ammunition that lay splattered all over the store.
" Oh! Your Cream. Were you trying to say 'My Cream'?" Right-Hand Boy asked eating a beef jerky stick he found under the counter.
" Jes." The Jizzenator said.
" Who's Jess?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" Eye Cream!" The Jizzenator screamed, he was dying.
" Why don't you fucking just say 'my cream' you stupid bitch, and why the hell did you poke your head out of the counter?" Right-Hand Boy asked scooping semen off the wall and wiping it all over The Jizzenator's face.
" Ecause," The Jizzenator's face healed rapidly. " I love music that's why!"
"....The hell are you talking about?" Right-Hand Boy asked.
" Listen up you hoolagans!" The Jizzenator yelled as he got to his feet and struck a super hero pose, the one where their hands are on their hips and their cape sways in the wind.
" Who the hell is that?" One Gang member asked another.
" I am The Jizzenator!" He yelled.
"The Terminator?" asked Mr.Arab Piece of Crap.
"No, you Arab piece of shit." Shouted Right-Handboy.
"No, that's my brother," said Mr.Arab Piece of Crap.
"You say tomato I say tamatoe."Said Right-Hand Boy.
"Why are we talking tomato's instead of ice cream," asked The Ice Cream Man on his intercom.
"Ahhh!Ice Cream!" screamed the panty hose wearing burglar's sounding like a bunch of japanese school girls.
"What do you want?" asked The Ice Cream Man.
"I want rocky road." Said one of the pantyhose wearing gang member in the gayest voice ever while waving a one dollar bill.
"I want Vanilla." said one of the pantyhose wearing gang member.
"Pistachio."said a pantyhose wearing gang member.
"I want rainbow sherbert,"said another pantyhose wearing gang member.
"Fucking fags."said Right-Hand Boy.
"What cigarettes? I didn't know we were in England?"Yodeled The Jizzenator while searching the crowd.
"This isn't rocky road...it taste like shit," said a pantyhose wearing gang member.
"You know I don't go to your work and tell you that your ice cream taste like human shit." Said The Ice Cream Man.
"No, man it really tastes like...wait is this toilet paper...this is shit." Screamed The pantyhose wearing burglar.
"Well I never said it wasn't." Said The Ice Cream Man throwing his arms in the air.
"You should be more like this guy." said Right-Handboy.
"Well sorry I'm not perfect,I try my best okay,but no one takes The Jizzenator's feelings into consideration do they." Said The Jizzenator as he cried like a little bitch.
"There there Jizzenator don't be a little bitch like fan boy." Said Right-Hand Boy.
" We need to get out of this sticky situation Right-Hand Boy." The Jizzenator said as he wiped his eyes.
" Sticky situation, that's it!" Right-Hand Boy shouted. After thinking it over he began to execute his plan.
" What silly idea are you playing with this time Right-Hand Boy?" The Jizzenator asked.
" This will indeed become a 'sticky' situation, Jizzenator." Right-Hand Boy said. He cranked off The Jizzenator once again revealing, The Jizz Cannon.
" So are you going to give me a refund for this shit I'm eating?" The pantyhose wearing burglar asked The Ice Cream Man.
" No." The Ice Cream Man said in a bland flat out voice.
" Yeah, well, um, fuck you man." The pantyhose wearing burglar said.
" No! It's Ice Cream Man," He said pulling out a box of bubble gum cigarettes. " Bitch."
" Hey, you hoolagans in hoes!" The Jizzenator yodeled. " Take a sip of this in place of your shit." Then Right-Hand Boy fired The Jizz Cannon which was loaded with a new kind of ammo, Grab Juice. The creamy stream of justice sprayed over the whole group of pantyhose wearing burglars hardening strongly around them, holding them there until local police would arrive.
Four squad cars pulled up to the liquor store. Immediately
Right-Hand Boy's attention was drawn to a certain female police officer. This said police officer had huge ginormous melons
next to her huge ginormous double E breasts.
" Hey! Cummings got us all melons!" One officer said to the rest.
" Fuck yeah bitch!" They all said as they ran toward her. Right-Hand Boy on the other hand was struck with rigamortous, every boner in his..... whoops, every bone in his body stared at her ginormous breasts. He fell in love, they were absolutely beautiful. The cleavage poured out like a waterfall of man juice.
" So what's the story here?" Ms. Elizabeth Cummings asked her fellow police officers.
" Don't really know, something has to do with these guys here though." One says to her. She looks around, she sees The Jizzenator eating what appears to be vanilla ice cream, The Ice Cream Man throwing those little rock packs that explode when you throw them on the ground, and Right-Hand Boy gazing at her longingly. She walked up to him and said.
" Hey there little man!" She bent over exposing even more cleavage. Right-Hand Boy could contain himself no longer! He jumped on her and grasped her ginormous breasts firmly. " Whoa, that's some grip you've got there little man. What's your name?"
" Right-Hand Boy!" Yodeled The Jizzenator. He ran over to them. " Get off of her this instant! I'm so sorry he usually has more control than this."
" No, it's okay I don't mind I'm glad he didn't try some cheesy pick up line." She said jiggling Right-Hand Boy around.
" I know exactly how you feel, I get hit on all the time. People always want something from old Jizzenator." He said rubbing his chest.
" So you call yourself Jizzenator, and he's Right-Hand Boy?" She asked.
" You're smart for having such large and voluptuous breasts, you'd think you'd just go out whoring yourself, you'd be richer than Bill Gates that's for sure. If I had breasts like your I'd fuck every living man on this earth, twice! Just to say I did. And when I'd eventually start to get loose I'd just stuff more men at once. You know I think you should reconsider your ocupation choice miss?" The Jizzenator asked.
" Detective Elizabeth Cummings." She said.
" I know someone else who's cumming." Right-Hand Boy said as he began to stuff his face between her breasts.
" Oh, how cute!" She said jiggling some more.
" Right-Hand Boy you're disgusting me! Let's go!" The Jizzenator said pulling him off of Detective Cummings breasts. Right-Hand Boy let out a scream for him to stop but by then it was too late. Then The Ice Cream Man came up to Detective Cummings and said.
" Hey, baby. Do you have a quarter? Cuz' my mama told me to call if she saw.... wait no. Are your parents astronauts? Cuz' your tits are blowing my mind..... wait.... damn!" He readjusted himself. " Wanna fuck bitch?" She only replied with a deadly stare.
" I'm the only one who's gonna make love her you fucking asshole!" Right-Hand Boy screamed.
"Ahhh,bye cutie hope I see you again soon." Said Detective Cummings after blowing a kiss to Right-Hand Boy.
"Hope I see you three again too." said Right-Hand Boy.
-Bryan and Ryan
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