Tingle, For Now [Chapter One]

My name is Clark, and yes I'm aware of how horrible a name that is. But this isn't a story about how much I hate my parents for giving me an old man's name.
"But Clark, we named you after Superman." My mother would say.
"Superman fucking sucks! He's a god awful super hero! There's nothing worse than a guy who's only weakness is a rock!"
Then I would get grounded for having a filthy mouth and would get my cds taken away. But little did my mother know, I don't use cds anymore, I just download all my music online now. BAM! In yo' face MOM!!!
And then I would laugh at my own joke, because that's just the kind of guy I am.
So I had a filthy mouth, who cares? I take after my dad and older sister, Kim. Both of them swear like sailors, but oh now, Little Baby Clark can't! Then my dad would ground me just to keep face. I hope I never turn into a pussy whipped old man, that's a fate worse than death.
Will Smith said it best,
"Parents just don't understand."

I spent a lot of time in my room, surfing the internet. Mainly I was on myspace, just adding people, not really talking to them, but adding them. I had somewhere around twenty thousand friends, just out of boredom. One of these friends is the old family that live next door, their grand daughter. My parents used to always tease me saying her and I would get married and blah blah blah. I hated my parents back then.
But she stopped coming over during the summers and we grew apart, until just recently (thank you myspace) this girl is a perfect ten.
A dime piece as the rappers say.
Short and blond, big ol' titties (hey, I'm white what do you expect?) small waist, everything Playboy would be looking for for a centerfold.
So we were in 11th grade when she found me on myspace. She sent a friend request and in the little message it said,
"We used to take baths together!"
At first I didn't know what to think, I thought it was some kind of prank one of my friends was pulling on me (they do that from time to time). But then I read the name, Stephanie Willson. Then the little light bulb above my head lit up and my jaw dropped to the floor as I looked through her pictures.
This is a girl I'd jerk it to while watching porn! And we're practically family friends, practically arranged to be married!
I must have been a saint in the last life.
So a few days go by, and while I'm online she IMs me.
"hey"
"hi"
"this is clark right"
"yup"
"omg clark how r u"
"good and you"
"ive been good omg ive missed u so much"
"yeah I've missed you too"
"so what have yo been up to"
Now this is where the lies begin, and I start finding myself in a conflict worthy of being recreated as a comedic sitcom or movie, maybe even a story (that is if people still read). I had done some 'research' on Stef the day I accepted her. I read her about me, looked at her pictures and started following her on twitter. Whilst reading her about me section I read all sorts of interesting things' still a virgin (I can't lie, so was I at this point), wants to be a nurse (they all do, don't they?), likes funny guys, loves her family and friends, not a whore, hates haters, plays snare in the school band (now if a chick drum rolling all over the place isn't hot, I dunno what is), and really likes guys in bands. We're talking about rock bands here people. So one thing I need to get out in the open is, I play the guitar and I sing (well try to anyhow) and because of these hobbies I have a lot of pictures of guitars on my page, and pictures with me 'jamming'. But am I a musician, or even in a band? No, not at all, and that's where the lies begin.
"oh just playing shows and stuff what have you been up to"
"omg ur in a band!!!!"
"haha yup we play shows all the time were pretty popular out here"
"wow"
"yup"

Now I know what you're thinking, "Why did you lie to her?" Well, to be honest, I was sixteen, turning seventeen and I really wanted my first time to be with someone super hot! Is that really so shallow? "Yes, Clark. It is."
A few days go by and I don't really talk to her, but then she hits me up on IM again.
"hi"
"hey"
"so remember that time we wrecked my grandma and grandpas backyard"
"yeah those were good times"
"i know i miss you clark"
"I miss you too Stef"
"if i ever come back will you play a song for me"
"of course I will!"
"promise"
"I promise"
"cute!!!!!"
"hahaha"
"so do you have any shows anytime soon"
"Yeah we have one," And I glance at my backpack, I remember getting a flyer for my school's battle of the bands. It says April 2nd, over a month a way. "its on April 2nd"
"omg! r u serious!"
"Yeah why?"
"im gonna be visiting my grandparents then! i get to see you live!"
...Shit.
"Its a battle of the bands at my school, I don't think youd be interested."
"nosense silly"
"okay, if you say so"
"omg a battle of the bands! If i was there and you won i would totally...^_^"
"what does that mean?"
"well what do you want it to mean ;)"
WHHHHAAAA!!!!????? I want it to mean blowjob, first, then some full on sex afterwards!
"Your crazy. Hahaha!"
"i think guys in bands are hot and were supposed to get married member?! so its like an early wedding gift to my future husband"
I know this sounds crazy, but that's really what she said, and if she hadn't said that thing about wrecking her grandparents' backyard I wouldn't have believed her. But as it goes, I asked her some questions only her and I would remember, and she did the same thing. It was really her, and she was giving me sex for winning the battle of the bands at my school, all I had to do was win. That was a problem, I didn't have one. But what I did have was two summer's worth of lawn mowing money saved (I was going to buy a car) and five weeks to start a band, and win battle of the bands.
"Starting tomorrow," I said to myself while taking a shit and reading manga. "I'm going to ask everyone I know who plays and instrument to be in my band." Then I noticed my sister had used all the TP.
...Bitch.


-Sir Jestro