"So last week we heard Rod's story," Sherri says to the five other people sitting around me. This week we're in a classroom at the city college. This place reminds me of a time when the days seemed brighter and my future was so far in front of me. "this week I'd like the rest of you to say something." She looked around the room at the small circle of chairs we had set up. "Rod, if you wouldn't mind. Can you just briefly tell the rest of us again, what your paranormal issue is."
She laughed a little bit. I knew she just wanted me to go along with the formalities. So I stood up, a few of the rats that were trying to climb up my legs either fell off or hurriedly jolted up to my torso. The raven opened its wings and made a guttural sound.
"Hi, I'm Rodger. I go by Rod, for short. I have a bit of a pest problem." I motioned to the few dozen rats and single giant raven crawling over me as well as tearing apart the chair I was just sitting on a moment before.
"Hi, Rod." The rest of the group said in a dull monotone.
I sat down.
"That was excellent!" Sherri stood up and clapped. "Rod has been here for two months and we're trying desperately to find some answers for him." She looked around, spotted an old Asian woman and what I assumed to be her grandson sitting next to her. "Mrs. Kim, would you like to go next?"
The old woman muttered something to her grandson who stood up.
"My grandmother says," He had no Asian accent whatsoever. "that a giant squid is living in her closet. That there's another dimension in there." Then he sat back down.
"Well, I sure hope we can help Mrs. Kim out." Sherri said to the grandson. "May I speak with you two after the meeting?"
"Sure." The grandson replied.
"Excellent." Sherri looked to the young hispanic girl sitting next to Mrs. Kim. "Yasmine, would you like to introduce yourself?"
"I guess." She sounded like a chola. "I just been like...getting dez strange feelings, you know? Like I being watched or somethin'. Then like, maybe like a month ago...maybe it was like two weeks ago, I don't...but, like I was like...I mean I was just like sitting there, eating some food when I seen like dis monster sitting outside my window." She made a cross over herself. "Aye dios mio. I was praying to God to save me, pero he's still there."
"Who is still there, Yasmine?" Sherri asked with genuine concern.
"The freakin' creature!" Yasmine screamed. "He looks like a man but its got like legs, but not like regular legs, they look like horse legs or something."
"So its a centaur?" Sherri asked.
"A what?" Yasmine replied.
"Its a mythological creature with the torso of a man and the four legs of a horse."
"Oh, no. This guy only has two legs." Yasmine's eyes got really big. "Funny thing. I seen pictures of the devil and he look just like this monster!"
"Ah, I see. What you're being stalked by is called a satyr." Sherri said, quite pleased with herself.
"Whatever." Yasmine replied.
"How often does the satyr appear to you?"
"He's like always there, just watching me!" She screamed. "Even right now, he's standing by the punch bowl.
We all glanced over to the fold-up tables covered with cookies, coffee and a punch bowl. There was no satyr standing there.
"Its alright, Yasmine. That's what we're all here to help figure out."
"Thanks, I guess." She replied.
"Next is..." Sherri prompted.
"Hey, everybody." An old butch looking woman stood up. "Name's Deb and I reckon I been seeing a ghost."
"That's fascinating, Deb." Sherri said, again with a genuine concern. "Tell us more."
"Well, Sherri." Deb adjusted and looked at everyone before replying. "I reckon its the man in black."
"Johnny Cash?" Sherri asked.
"Hell if I know, he don't play me no songs. He just always there, like that little bean's story." There was a harsh exchange of looks between Yasmine and Deb. "Its freaky as hell, Sherri. That's all I gotta say about that." Then Deb sat down.
"Thank you, Deb." Sherri turned to the final person, who was yet another female. Only this one was younger than Deb and Mrs. Kim. She seemed about five years younger than me, roughly. She was kind of chubby and had great big blue eyes like looked like snow globes glistening in the fluorescent lamps on the ceiling. The girl stood up. "Folks, we have a new member joining us and her name is..."
"My name is Diane Clement, I'm from the future."
"That's incredible!" Sherri was ecstatic about that statement. "Where are you, sorry. WHEN are you from?"
"I'm from fifty years from now. I destroy the Earth and am here stop that from ever happening."
Oh, that's right. I should mention something really quick, reader. Diane is the girl I end up having kids with, but there's one minor problem (outside of my pest problem), she's absolutely, completely, inexcusably, and attractively out of her God damned mind. But now, looking back on all this in retrospect, I wonder if I'm the one who is even more out of their mind?
-Sir Jestro
She laughed a little bit. I knew she just wanted me to go along with the formalities. So I stood up, a few of the rats that were trying to climb up my legs either fell off or hurriedly jolted up to my torso. The raven opened its wings and made a guttural sound.
"Hi, I'm Rodger. I go by Rod, for short. I have a bit of a pest problem." I motioned to the few dozen rats and single giant raven crawling over me as well as tearing apart the chair I was just sitting on a moment before.
"Hi, Rod." The rest of the group said in a dull monotone.
I sat down.
"That was excellent!" Sherri stood up and clapped. "Rod has been here for two months and we're trying desperately to find some answers for him." She looked around, spotted an old Asian woman and what I assumed to be her grandson sitting next to her. "Mrs. Kim, would you like to go next?"
The old woman muttered something to her grandson who stood up.
"My grandmother says," He had no Asian accent whatsoever. "that a giant squid is living in her closet. That there's another dimension in there." Then he sat back down.
"Well, I sure hope we can help Mrs. Kim out." Sherri said to the grandson. "May I speak with you two after the meeting?"
"Sure." The grandson replied.
"Excellent." Sherri looked to the young hispanic girl sitting next to Mrs. Kim. "Yasmine, would you like to introduce yourself?"
"I guess." She sounded like a chola. "I just been like...getting dez strange feelings, you know? Like I being watched or somethin'. Then like, maybe like a month ago...maybe it was like two weeks ago, I don't...but, like I was like...I mean I was just like sitting there, eating some food when I seen like dis monster sitting outside my window." She made a cross over herself. "Aye dios mio. I was praying to God to save me, pero he's still there."
"Who is still there, Yasmine?" Sherri asked with genuine concern.
"The freakin' creature!" Yasmine screamed. "He looks like a man but its got like legs, but not like regular legs, they look like horse legs or something."
"So its a centaur?" Sherri asked.
"A what?" Yasmine replied.
"Its a mythological creature with the torso of a man and the four legs of a horse."
"Oh, no. This guy only has two legs." Yasmine's eyes got really big. "Funny thing. I seen pictures of the devil and he look just like this monster!"
"Ah, I see. What you're being stalked by is called a satyr." Sherri said, quite pleased with herself.
"Whatever." Yasmine replied.
"How often does the satyr appear to you?"
"He's like always there, just watching me!" She screamed. "Even right now, he's standing by the punch bowl.
We all glanced over to the fold-up tables covered with cookies, coffee and a punch bowl. There was no satyr standing there.
"Its alright, Yasmine. That's what we're all here to help figure out."
"Thanks, I guess." She replied.
"Next is..." Sherri prompted.
"Hey, everybody." An old butch looking woman stood up. "Name's Deb and I reckon I been seeing a ghost."
"That's fascinating, Deb." Sherri said, again with a genuine concern. "Tell us more."
"Well, Sherri." Deb adjusted and looked at everyone before replying. "I reckon its the man in black."
"Johnny Cash?" Sherri asked.
"Hell if I know, he don't play me no songs. He just always there, like that little bean's story." There was a harsh exchange of looks between Yasmine and Deb. "Its freaky as hell, Sherri. That's all I gotta say about that." Then Deb sat down.
"Thank you, Deb." Sherri turned to the final person, who was yet another female. Only this one was younger than Deb and Mrs. Kim. She seemed about five years younger than me, roughly. She was kind of chubby and had great big blue eyes like looked like snow globes glistening in the fluorescent lamps on the ceiling. The girl stood up. "Folks, we have a new member joining us and her name is..."
"My name is Diane Clement, I'm from the future."
"That's incredible!" Sherri was ecstatic about that statement. "Where are you, sorry. WHEN are you from?"
"I'm from fifty years from now. I destroy the Earth and am here stop that from ever happening."
Oh, that's right. I should mention something really quick, reader. Diane is the girl I end up having kids with, but there's one minor problem (outside of my pest problem), she's absolutely, completely, inexcusably, and attractively out of her God damned mind. But now, looking back on all this in retrospect, I wonder if I'm the one who is even more out of their mind?
-Sir Jestro
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