"So let me get this straight, you don't like getting free coffee or bacon or eggs?" Edwardo asks me.
"But see, they weren't free." I reply.
Edwardo and I both worked at a chic little coffee shop downtown. All the hipsters drank here until the non-hipsters drank here, then they stopped. But then they always came back with a snide, "Well, we drank here first, 'Hey, Randy'." They'd say to me.
"But you said it was free."
"Free in the sense that I didn't have to pay...but see not free in the fact that-"
"That they humiliated you?" Edwardo was wiping down the tables with a damp towel, and I was opening the cash register. "Get over yourself, bro."
"Dude, you don't understand."
"I understand just fine, you're all butt-hurt that your family call you out on the the shit you hate about yourself, and you feel like their charity is a way to make you look bad and themselves look better." Edwardo was kind of a dick like that.
"But why would they even do that?"
"Because that's what al people do." He stopped and looked at me. "Do you know how much shit I got from my family when I had my kid? A fuck-ton."
"But everyone in your family had kids young."
"Yeah, but I wasn't supposed to. I was supposed to be the first to go to college and the first to get my PhD, all that crap."
"But you didn't."
"No, I didn't. I had a kid, but you know what..."
There was a long pause.
"Are you going to ask 'what?'?"
"Okay, what?" I ask.
"I love my daughter, she's my world!"
"Okay...?"
"And if I had gone to school right outta college and hadn't gotten Eilleen prego I wouldn't have my baby, girl."
"That's really inspiring, Eddy." I say. This is the point where I walk to the front door and unlock it.
"Dude, don't be an ass, I'm trying to tell you to look at the positive."
"Yeah, I get what you're trying to say but that doesn't excuse all the hardness from the family."
"You have a point. My family WAS pretty P.O'd when I told them I got her pregnant."
"That's what I'm saying! I know that eventually things will be fine, but right now I'm stuck in that bullshitty stage."
"So then you should just embrace all the free food! Just rub it in their faces!" Edwardo's grinning from ear to ear now. "Egg all in your sister's face, Ha! That'd be great!"
"My problem isn't the free stuff, don't get me wrong...I love free stuff! Its the fact that they have to make me feel so shitty and put on these fake faces in front of other people and each other-"
"That's just how people are, bro. Don't get so worked up over it."
"How can I not!?" Hipsters start walking in now. Edwardo and I work for a little bit. But during out down time.
"So I have an idea; you told me once that your your like to brag about all the things they've done in their lives." He says.
"Yeah?"
"Well, why not get a second job?" I roll my eyes.
"No, hear me out, dude. My dad used to give me the same shit, so I just got another job gigging once or twice a week. Ever since then I can always get the baby new clothes whenever she needs them or I can take her to Disneyland without breaking the bank. Any parent knows how hard that is and every one of them can empathize."
"But I don't have any kids."
"Which is exactly why you could use all that money to put on a face."
"What?" I'm confused at this point.
"You just said a few hours ago that they put on faces around other people, well think of this as you putting on a face around them."
"Dude..."
"What!? People do that online all the time, except you wouldn't be some trolling catfish or anything." Edwardo is getting really ecstatic about his idea.
"I dunno."
"Come on, Brad. Just get some graveyard shift at...I dunno, some office building cleaning or something. Then buy some car and get nice clothes and a girlfriend. That'd be a slap in the face to your whole family. You could be like, 'Yeah, I like to spoil myself since, you know, I never had kids or anything.' That shit would be epic!"
"We'll see." Edwardo knows that right after work I'm going to check the classifieds. So what if he's right?
-Sir Jestro
"But see, they weren't free." I reply.
Edwardo and I both worked at a chic little coffee shop downtown. All the hipsters drank here until the non-hipsters drank here, then they stopped. But then they always came back with a snide, "Well, we drank here first, 'Hey, Randy'." They'd say to me.
"But you said it was free."
"Free in the sense that I didn't have to pay...but see not free in the fact that-"
"That they humiliated you?" Edwardo was wiping down the tables with a damp towel, and I was opening the cash register. "Get over yourself, bro."
"Dude, you don't understand."
"I understand just fine, you're all butt-hurt that your family call you out on the the shit you hate about yourself, and you feel like their charity is a way to make you look bad and themselves look better." Edwardo was kind of a dick like that.
"But why would they even do that?"
"Because that's what al people do." He stopped and looked at me. "Do you know how much shit I got from my family when I had my kid? A fuck-ton."
"But everyone in your family had kids young."
"Yeah, but I wasn't supposed to. I was supposed to be the first to go to college and the first to get my PhD, all that crap."
"But you didn't."
"No, I didn't. I had a kid, but you know what..."
There was a long pause.
"Are you going to ask 'what?'?"
"Okay, what?" I ask.
"I love my daughter, she's my world!"
"Okay...?"
"And if I had gone to school right outta college and hadn't gotten Eilleen prego I wouldn't have my baby, girl."
"That's really inspiring, Eddy." I say. This is the point where I walk to the front door and unlock it.
"Dude, don't be an ass, I'm trying to tell you to look at the positive."
"Yeah, I get what you're trying to say but that doesn't excuse all the hardness from the family."
"You have a point. My family WAS pretty P.O'd when I told them I got her pregnant."
"That's what I'm saying! I know that eventually things will be fine, but right now I'm stuck in that bullshitty stage."
"So then you should just embrace all the free food! Just rub it in their faces!" Edwardo's grinning from ear to ear now. "Egg all in your sister's face, Ha! That'd be great!"
"My problem isn't the free stuff, don't get me wrong...I love free stuff! Its the fact that they have to make me feel so shitty and put on these fake faces in front of other people and each other-"
"That's just how people are, bro. Don't get so worked up over it."
"How can I not!?" Hipsters start walking in now. Edwardo and I work for a little bit. But during out down time.
"So I have an idea; you told me once that your your like to brag about all the things they've done in their lives." He says.
"Yeah?"
"Well, why not get a second job?" I roll my eyes.
"No, hear me out, dude. My dad used to give me the same shit, so I just got another job gigging once or twice a week. Ever since then I can always get the baby new clothes whenever she needs them or I can take her to Disneyland without breaking the bank. Any parent knows how hard that is and every one of them can empathize."
"But I don't have any kids."
"Which is exactly why you could use all that money to put on a face."
"What?" I'm confused at this point.
"You just said a few hours ago that they put on faces around other people, well think of this as you putting on a face around them."
"Dude..."
"What!? People do that online all the time, except you wouldn't be some trolling catfish or anything." Edwardo is getting really ecstatic about his idea.
"I dunno."
"Come on, Brad. Just get some graveyard shift at...I dunno, some office building cleaning or something. Then buy some car and get nice clothes and a girlfriend. That'd be a slap in the face to your whole family. You could be like, 'Yeah, I like to spoil myself since, you know, I never had kids or anything.' That shit would be epic!"
"We'll see." Edwardo knows that right after work I'm going to check the classifieds. So what if he's right?
-Sir Jestro
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