Throwing Pearls to the Pig [Chapter Four]

"You're a complete waste of time."

I read between the lines, saw her face; the girl who first told me that. Well, she didn't actually use those words, but the implications were obvious enough.

I see her face, in my mind's eye, covered in soft flesh, a warm brown color. Her cheeks are plump and he eyes are hard. I thought this one was going to be the love of my life, turns out I wouldn't meet her until that morning in the bookstore. That was exactly one week ago from today, at first my work was affected by it, but now I'm back to where I should be.

Its morning again, I'm sitting inside of a church, sitting on a pew, with my head down. The humans must think I'm praying, in fact I'm just listening.

Listening to their hearts.

Listening to their fears, their loves.

After meeting Melissa it was like I had warmed my hands, my fingers were toasty. Like I had been outside in the cold and was now warming up next to the fire, gazing into the magnificent orange embers as they chewed the wood.

Now, however, I'm back out in the stormy cold, winds whipping at me from every side.

Someone sits down next to me. I keep my head down, I continue to listen.

"Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory. 

for ever and ever. 

Amen."

"Amen." I repeat and look up at Melissa sitting next to me. Her eyes widen.

"You?"

I nod. 

"Was I speaking out loud?" She asks, then stops adjusts. "I must have been, such a stupid question. I'm-I'm sorry."

Someone behind us makes a "Shh!" sound. Melissa bites her lip and shrugs.

"Do you want to get a cup of coffee?" She mouths. 

I nod.

"I'm really sorry about the other day," She says. "I was still a little upset about my father's...death, and then you said what you said and I, I dunno, just lost it."

"I should have apologized, I didn't mean to offend you." I trace the brim of my cup with my middle finger.

"No, no! You didn't, not really. I mean, I understand now that that was just your view of death and even though its a bit..." Right now she's making a series of different faces and rotating one of her hands in a circle. "...'out there' I have to respect that, respect you as a human being."

I laugh.

She laughs.

We're laughing together, like a couple.

It might be better to lie to her, to spare her from who I really am. From what I really am. On the other hand, if she is, in fact, the love of my life- the reason I sold my soul- then it seems unfair to keep such a big secret from her.

What she doesn't know won't hurt her.

"Can I ask a question?" She asks.

"Besides that one?" I ask with a smirk. She rolls her eyes.

"...Yeah." I think I can feel her blushing, it feels like that fire again.

"Sure."

"Um, and this is completely a hypothetical question, but um," She's now looking out the window, looking past the streets, past the people, into a place I'd like to go. "let's say we were dating."

"Oh, we're dating now?" I add.

She laughs.

"Well, if you're going to be mean then I'll just not ask." 

"No, no! I apologize. Please, go on."

"Alright, so we're dating and um, I just happen to you know, have a dark past. Like, let's say, I worked in the porn industry or something. Would you still want to stay with me? Assuming before this our relationship was totally fine. Like this was my way of showing you how much you meant to me." 

"Well, would you still be in the porn industry when you told me this?" I ask.

"No, let's say I only did it for a few years after high school, to get some extra money."

"Well, I know for a fact that I'd never want to see the porns you were in, assuming you did more than just model nude. It really depends on how long we were together and how much I cared or loved you."

"Let's just say, that we were hopelessly in love and had only been together a few months."

"As long as it wasn't too far into the relationship, and you weren't doing it anymore, and of course didn't have any diseases, I think I could stay with you."

"You think?" She asks.

"Well, yeah. When we're actually in it, I would be thinking rationally, I'll be thinking with my heart, which is never good. But its more complicated than that, you don't really get to choose who you love and who will love you back. That's how people get caught up in those nasty love triangles."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, the way I see it is, if we broke up and I felt an overwhelming sense of grief by not being able to see or talk to you, than it was either love or obsession." I say and take a sip of coffee.

"Some people say love is obsession." She adds.

"I agree. But only when its both people being obsessed does it work."

"So you'd stay with me even if I had a bunch of guys run a train on me?" She asks with a smile warmer than her blushing.

"Like I said, I would never watch any of the videos or pictures, so...yeah."

She laughs.

I laugh.

We laugh together.

-Sir Jestro